To wonder why this attitude towards marriage for men still exists?! [hmm]

[GreenGreenTreesOfHome]

NC for this as I don't want it linking with my other posts.

There was a man on Family Fortunes yesterday, who said he wants to treat his parents to a holiday for their 50th wedding anniversary if he wins some decent money. He said 'my dad has had 2 life sentences, he deserves the break!' He said NOTHING about his mum.

It really REALLY fucking pissed me off. He thought he was funny, Gino just looked a bit and it was pretty much like tumbleweed in the TV studio (with a couple of quiet nervous giggles,) but it made me so furious.

Why is it a 'life sentence' for a man to be married for a long time, but an achievement, and something to be celebrated for a woman? I thought this horrible, wanky attitude had been consigned to the history books.

But no, for men, it's still a tedious chore to be married apparently, and a 'ball and chain' and a 'life sentence!' Yet it's OK for women to be married, and as I say, it's classed as an achievement, and something to be celebrated for HER.

I have heard many times in the past actually, that men are healthier and happier when they're married, and actually get more out of marriage than women do. So why is this bullshit still a thing?

OP, I think you have to consider that different people, and often different families, find different kinds of things funny.

For some people, they really enjoy humour about things that are absurd. So an example of that might be saying the opposite of what they actually think, especially if they exaggerate it. SO if this man knew that in fact his father adored his mum, it might be a funny joke in the family to imply that wasn't the case.

Why did he say it about his dad and not his mum? Well, maybe he would have if the set up for the joke would have been different. Maybe his mum secretly hates his dad and no one wants to bring it to light. Maybe there is some long running joke.

There isn't any way to know since you don't know anything about them. That being said, it probably fell a little flat because family jokes often do when brought into a public setting. Or maybe he is just a jerk. But humour is so individual it's really not easy to justify assuming that.

@GiveMyHeadPeaceffs

I totally agree *@GreenGreenTreesOfHome* it gives me the rage that sort of twattery.

I was looking at changing my car recently, thought I'd found the perfect car but the salesman constantly kept referring to it previously being owned by "one lady driver". What the actual fuck does that mean?? I didn't buy it.

Oh I see this a lot. Even in the 2020s. WTF??? I used to read this shit in the 1970s. I can't believe it's still a thing!

'One lady driver' PMSL!

If Gino D’Acampo thinks you’ve gone too far then that’s a pretty good sign.

Weirdly I was looking at another unfunny set of “joke” photos today.

twitter.com/chlorofem/status/1472433271837315072

@Whatsdamatta

I seriously think most of my husbands friends (and probably my husband) have got a way better deal being married than their wives. But that’s just what I see. I know some fab women - the blokes are blessed to have them.

This. ^ Like I say, the whole 'marriage is a punishment for men but an achievement for women' rhetoric really fucks me off.

@SantaClawsServiette is ANOTHER poster who has spectacularly missed the point!

[quote 20thCenturyFoxes]If Gino D’Acampo thinks you’ve gone too far then that’s a pretty good sign.

Weirdly I was looking at another unfunny set of “joke” photos today.

twitter.com/chlorofem/status/1472433271837315072[/quote]
That's fucking horrible Why must he women and children be quiet?

See, this is the kind of wankery I'm on about!

It’s cringey and sexist. It should be in the history books along with 1970s “comedians” but it still prevails amongst a certain demographic. If the wife/mother in this scenario reacts by giggling she is part of the problem tbh.

@XelaM

Because it's funny! My parents are still together and my dad adores my mum, but he sometimes makes comments like that. It's just a joke!

It's not funny at all. It's misogynistic, insulting and mindless. And its also inaccurate as its usually women who end up running away from "life sentences" like this, not men.

I loathe this attitude. Long-term marriages basically exist to serve the needs of men, not women. Women in marriages like this work themselves to death serving the whims of overgrown toddlers who become ludicrously over-dependent on their wives while their wives have their personalities watered down over time to the point where they barely exist. How dare these neanderthal arseholes get to crack jokes like this.

If I'd been his wife I'd have walked off on the spot.

Marriage is generally more beneficial for women.
The entire premise is ensuring transfer of assets, usually from a man to a woman.

On an individual level, maybe he knows something about his own family circumstances that you don't?

It's humour that really should have expired by now but alas. It's ridiculous when you remember it's usually married men who live longer healthier lives much to the detriment of their wives. Also when people vent about marriages not lasting like they used to! As if women always had their own money and rights.

@VladmirsPoutine

It's humour that really should have expired by now but alas. It's ridiculous when you remember it's usually married men who live longer healthier lives much to the detriment of their wives. Also when people vent about marriages not lasting like they used to! As if women always had their own money and rights.

... it's usually married men who live longer healthier lives much to the detriment of their wives.

True!

Totally agree, it's so grating. I've been with my partner a long time but neither of us have ever been bothered about getting married. I get lots of comments and nudge nudge jokes from misogynistic relatives about how 'patient' I am and how maybe this year will be my lucky one 🙄.
I like that response @dworky, might use that one in future!

I do seriously judge and look down on any person who thinks this kind of outdated and sexist shit is remotely funny.

OMG, how will that guy sleep at night for the worry? 🙄

but the salesman constantly kept referring to it previously being owned by "one lady driver".

Actually, statistically, it could mean that the car is in better nick. Car insurance is usually cheaper for women as well.

@thepeopleversuswork

It's not funny at all. It's misogynistic, insulting and mindless. And its also inaccurate as its usually women who end up running away from "life sentences" like this, not men.

I loathe this attitude. Long-term marriages basically exist to serve the needs of men, not women. Women in marriages like this work themselves to death serving the whims of overgrown toddlers who become ludicrously over-dependent on their wives while their wives have their personalities watered down over time to the point where they barely exist. How dare these neanderthal arseholes get to crack jokes like this.

Very true. I mean not ALL long term marriages are terrible for women, and some are fairly happy and fairly equal...

But way more long term marriages are as you describe, where men are like overgrown toddlers, who never lift a finger in the house, get waited on hand and foot by their wife, and who have a piss easy life doing fuck all except their big important man job and their man hobbies.

Whilst 'the wife' does EVERYTHING else. Child-raising, grunt work, all domestic duties, shopping, cooking, cleaning, and general life admin.

How anyone can say marriage benefits women more just baffles me. Marriage absolutely does not benefit women more than men. Yet this banal, shitty attitude still exists. Men who are married have a ball and chain and are trapped, and must avoid marriage at all costs!

If I'd been his wife I'd have walked off on the spot.
It's a tv show. You think that all this isn't all previously rehearsed? His mother will have known what he's going to say.

Marriage is generally more beneficial for women.
The entire premise is ensuring transfer of assets, usually from a man to a woman

Only is you accept the premise that child rearing is easy and entirely the responsibility of women. FFs!

I can’t get outraged about it as I’ve always seen that kind of thing said to both men and women.
We occasionally say to my mum “you’d have got less for murder” as a joke because my parents have been married for a long time.

@YungWaffle

Marriage is generally more beneficial for women. The entire premise is ensuring transfer of assets, usually from a man to a woman.

On an individual level, maybe he knows something about his own family circumstances that you don't?

Marriage is generally more beneficial for women The entire premise is ensuring transfer of assets, usually from a man to a woman

This is incorrect in so many ways. You need to read up on The Married Women's Property Acts for a start.

@RampantIvy

but the salesman constantly kept referring to it previously being owned by "one lady driver".

Actually, statistically, it could mean that the car is in better nick. Car insurance is usually cheaper for women as well.

Yes, I get the implication but why didn't he just say that it was well looked after? I also happen to know some female drivers that don't look after their cars and are bloody awful drivers, bet the salesman would still have said "one lady driver". It's a sexist way of saying anything about a car.

Personally, I think marriage is a shackle for both, but especially women who are much more likely to be doing the lions share of drudgery.

@oklets

Totally agree, it's so grating. I've been with my partner a long time but neither of us have ever been bothered about getting married. I get lots of comments and nudge nudge jokes from misogynistic relatives about how 'patient' I am and how maybe this year will be my lucky one 🙄.

Oh how fucking infuriating. It's like a couple of young women I know (27 to 30) who have been with their DP for 4 or 5 years. They have never expressed an interest in getting married, and yet all they get from relatives (and neighbours) is 'oooh when ya getting wed then?' and 'hasn't he asked you yet?' and when they're together 'hasn't he made an honest woman of you yet?'

No-one ever says anything to the men, just the women. If anything, the men get 'not married yet then, very sensible!' and 'she hasn't managed to force you down the aisle at gunpoint yet then?'

It's especially ironic considering countless studies have proven that single women are happier than single men and married men live longer than their single counterparts.

Evidently men have a lot more to gain from marriage than women.

@PegasusReturns

*Marriage is generally more beneficial for women. The entire premise is ensuring transfer of assets, usually from a man to a woman*

Only is you accept the premise that child rearing is easy and entirely the responsibility of women. FFs!

I'm talking specifically about marriage. Even now, lots of women have children outside of wedlock. For most men, the premise is essentially if either party is dissatisfied with the partnership to the point that they dissolve, the man has to hand over a portion of his assets to his wife, alongside a monthly sum. It gives one party much more incentive to make the union a happy one (even if this doesn't necessarily play out in reality). This is in exchange for something that plenty of women would do without the contract.

@Claudethecat
I'm talking about our current context, because the topic is about our current context.
I'm aware that there are other rationales for marital rights.

I would also read the 'one lady owner' as a positive thing. I think women tend to look after their cars better.