Should I not have done this?

[ThymeTravel]

Partner and I were having an argument whilst I was cleaning out the bedroom.

Things started to get very heated and I could tell nothing was going to get resolved when we were both pissed off. So, I told DP to leave the room several times and said that we'll talk when we're both calmer. DP refused every time I told him to go downstairs. I eventually told DP that I was very close to losing my temper, and that he needed to leave before I screamed. Again, he refused and stood in the doorway. I then just slammed the door over.

He punched the door and yelled at me that I almost broke his fingers. I said I was sorry and that I genuinely didn't know his fingers were in the door.

I know that people will say that I should have walked away to another room, but I know he would have followed me and things would have escalated. He has form for doing this when we argue, I'll ask him to leave the situation and he'll refuse, or I'll try to leave, and he'll follow me.

@MichelleScarn - All human beings can get wound up and lose their tempers. If a woman was winding up a man and they were both tense and angry but she refused to leave even though he'd repeatedly asked her to and wanted to speak when the situation was calmer, and she refused to de-escalate the situation and blocked the door, she too would be in the wrong.

Slamming the door in anger and frustration and accidentally trapping someone's fingers says the situation has got out of control - and that would be true whether woman or man did it, and whether or not it accidentally caused injury. The situation is problematic on both sides - and helping the OP refocus on the real problem underneath the argument is probably more useful than assigning blame.

None of it sounds great but you should have at least tried walked away before slamming doors. DH and I have blow-up rows occasionally, and he's the one who wants to stop and simmer - so he storms off (I don't follow!).

If you genuinely can't end a row without turning physical you should rethink the relationship.

Tbh I would've peed off too if I was you. You tried to ask him to give you space and he wouldn't leave it. Know exactly where you're coming from.

And what will happen if OP had behaved like an adult and just ignored him standing there saying "and another thing....." or whatever he was saying, like any other normal rational adult would if they recognised that an argument was developing and in danger of getting out of hand? Just not engage in the conversation. Sort the socks or whatever she was doing. Tell him that there was no point carrying on the conversation so she had nothing more to say. He'd soon get fed up and wander off. I just don't understand how an adult can lose control of their emotions like that. It's what you do when you've got a tantrumming toddler! You stay calm, don't get manipulated in answering back etc.....

I wonder what the argument was about that you had before this incident.

You both sound ridiculously immature.

@Itsmybaby @Beautiful3

In fairness, coming here and telling a stranger that she sounds like an awful person doesn't exactly make you a great person either, does it?

I wasn't asking your opinion on my character (of which you know absolutely nothing, apart from a singular incident), I was asking was I wrong, and yes, I was very much in the wrong and have apologised profusely.

@TokyoDreaming

He sounds like a knob, how unfortunate that you didn't hurt him.

@TokyoDreaming

What a vile thing to say!!

I would never intentionally hurt him! What is wrong with you?!

[quote ThymeTravel]**@Itsmybaby* @Beautiful3*

In fairness, coming here and telling a stranger that she sounds like an awful person doesn't exactly make you a great person either, does it?

I wasn't asking your opinion on my character (of which you know absolutely nothing, apart from a singular incident), I was asking was I wrong, and yes, I was very much in the wrong and have apologised profusely.[/quote]
Has he apologised too? He didn't come out of it well either.

Are you OK now?

@ThymeTravel maybe don’t post online to a bunch of strangers if you don’t want our opinion then. You don’t come across well from that situation or your posts.

@TokyoDreaming

He sounds like a knob, how unfortunate that you didn't hurt him.

Are you for real?! Do you only advocate domestic violence to men?

@YouCantTourniquetTheTaint

Yes, he did. I've told him that it's unfair to not allow me space when I need it, and not to block me in a room and then refuse to leave when I tell him I need him to.

Thank you for asking, I'm ok now 🙂 x

[quote Itsmybaby]@ThymeTravel maybe don’t post online to a bunch of strangers if you don’t want our opinion then. You don’t come across well from that situation or your posts.[/quote]
I appreciate that, I really do. However, you don't exactly come across well based on your comment that I'm "awful". I'm not awful, I just had a very rough day.

I didn't ask for your opinion on my character, I asked for your opinion on one scenario. That absolutely doesn't give you the right to attack my character.