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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu over argument

114 replies

Whattodonowugh · 26/12/2021 18:48

Sorry for long post. I just dont know what i should do.
So we have been together for 18 months both late 30s.
Things going good, Christmas eve there was a misunderstanding and he picked up what i said wrong and he got mad at me before i had time to explain he had picked me up completely wrong and there was no need to be like this.
Fast forward to Christmas day, still extremely angry, no way to even talk to him about anything, angry responses to texts accusing me of ruining Christmas, phonecards full of nasty names and words.
On Christmas night we had a text conversation where he said he needed to calm down as i have ruined everything,Christmas completely destroyed but he didn't want to break up, he just needs time and will talk to me tomorrow.
Boxing day comes and dont hear from him,so i phone to see if he wants to talk, to be met by a barrage of abuse about how im a selfish so and so and only care about my self, his Christmas was ruined, obviously mine was also but he dosnt see that.
As it stands now, i have decided to ignore him since i just get met with anger when i try to communicate.
I plan to ignore him for atleast the next few days, eventhough he is still sending the odd text message which are just full of anger and nastiness.

Im my opinion, there was no need for it to escalate to this level, but he feels its perfectly justified.

Aibu to believe that he is being the selfish one here, and once he stops being angry he will realise exactly how much he has screwed up?

OP posts:
44PumpLane · 26/12/2021 18:54

This sounds ridiculous and honestly I'd take this as a show of who he really is.

Dump him and start the new year fresh!

NoIdeaWhatIWantAtAll · 26/12/2021 18:58

What was said?

Topseyt · 26/12/2021 18:59

Dump him by text and then block him everywhere.

Wolfiefan · 26/12/2021 19:01

Sounds pathetic and too much like playing games for me.
What on Earth did you say that for him all riled up??
Grown ups use words to settle issues though. He’s not one.

Doesntfeellikexmas · 26/12/2021 19:01

It really depends. What was the misunderstanding?

One person says it was a misunderstanding. One person days the other did/said something awful and is back tracking instead of apologising.

That said there's no need for abuse. He should have just asked for a few days space.

Personally, I would call it a day. I couldn't be doing with this. Either he is going over the top and enjoying punishing you or yoh did something quite awful and are pretending your didn't. Either way, its not great

nadgersbadgers · 26/12/2021 19:03

If this is all over him misunderstanding some thing you said - could you imagine how bad the fall out would be if there was a real problem.
Get rid.

plinkplinkfizzer · 26/12/2021 19:07

No one can no who was selfish because no one knows what caused the falling out .🤷🏻‍♀️

icedcoffees · 26/12/2021 19:08

What did you say?

CovidforCrimbo · 26/12/2021 19:11

Depends what you said. Sounds like he's milking the situation tbh.

Cherrysoup · 26/12/2021 19:13

Lucky escape, OP, block him quick, he sounds extremely unreasonable. Can you imagine this behaviour if there were kids around? He sounds unhinged.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 26/12/2021 19:14

New year find a new bf imo.
Sulking moody people should be teen age and under...
Not grown ups.

LakieLady · 26/12/2021 19:14

He sounds really childish, tbh.

Yummypumpkin · 26/12/2021 19:15

You skirt entirely over what you said which started this.

You seem to think this will be resolved when he realises he is entirely in the wrong.

I suspect there is more to this.

steff13 · 26/12/2021 19:16

I think it depends upon what was said.

phishy · 26/12/2021 19:16

Seriously get a backbone and dump this dickhead.

Why are you running around after him and cajoling him?

Get some self-respect and block and delete him.

DarkCorner · 26/12/2021 19:18

This sounds horrific. I don’t know what the misunderstanding was about but there’s literally nothing you could have said to make him act like this. It’d be curtains for me no matter if he apologises or not.

FabulousMrFifty · 26/12/2021 19:20

What did you say that was misunderstood?

Ohyesiam · 26/12/2021 19:20

What was said and what did he think you said?
I wonder if he’s just showing you who he is? I can’t say I’ve ever been in a relationship with anyone who refuses to listen and is ongoingly nasty.

FriendshipsAreHardForMe · 26/12/2021 19:21

Massive red flags.

Whatever the disagreement no one should react like your partner has. It's verbally and emotionally abusive.

I would leave him. You don't deserve to be treated like this.

girlmom21 · 26/12/2021 19:22

Are you sure he's late 30s? He sounds about 14.

FriendshipsAreHardForMe · 26/12/2021 19:23

If you forgive him, you're giving him the green light to do this again.

Find someone who can treat you with respect, even when you have arguments. In 10+ years my partner has never called me nasty names.

MattHancocksSexTape · 26/12/2021 19:27

18 months and he’s showing his true colours…

Loocheeyar · 26/12/2021 19:29

This sounds like a red flag to be honest . You really need to reconsider this relationship . He’s using his anger to control you here . This is not good . Honeymoon period is over

NoSquirrels · 26/12/2021 19:32

From m what you’ve told us he sounds immature and nasty.

It’s what you haven’t told us that’s key to understanding if he actually is immature and nasty.

What did you say that he ‘misunderstood’?

ToykotoLosAngeles · 26/12/2021 19:32

@MattHancocksSexTape

18 months and he’s showing his true colours…
Yep. Agree he's trying to control you with anger. You can't change whatever was said so what is the point in banging on about it? What does he want from you?