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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu over argument

114 replies

Whattodonowugh · 26/12/2021 18:48

Sorry for long post. I just dont know what i should do.
So we have been together for 18 months both late 30s.
Things going good, Christmas eve there was a misunderstanding and he picked up what i said wrong and he got mad at me before i had time to explain he had picked me up completely wrong and there was no need to be like this.
Fast forward to Christmas day, still extremely angry, no way to even talk to him about anything, angry responses to texts accusing me of ruining Christmas, phonecards full of nasty names and words.
On Christmas night we had a text conversation where he said he needed to calm down as i have ruined everything,Christmas completely destroyed but he didn't want to break up, he just needs time and will talk to me tomorrow.
Boxing day comes and dont hear from him,so i phone to see if he wants to talk, to be met by a barrage of abuse about how im a selfish so and so and only care about my self, his Christmas was ruined, obviously mine was also but he dosnt see that.
As it stands now, i have decided to ignore him since i just get met with anger when i try to communicate.
I plan to ignore him for atleast the next few days, eventhough he is still sending the odd text message which are just full of anger and nastiness.

Im my opinion, there was no need for it to escalate to this level, but he feels its perfectly justified.

Aibu to believe that he is being the selfish one here, and once he stops being angry he will realise exactly how much he has screwed up?

OP posts:
Whattodonowugh · 27/12/2021 14:09

Thanks guys, atleast i know im not the delusional one.
Apparently his uncle died on Christmas eve several years ago and they were planning some big family event for this.....THAT is what I ruined.
I dont see how i did, i didn't make him carry his anger back to his family and ruin all their days.
Yet this is what im being accused of Hmm

Sometimes u dont see the red flags from the beginning.... hes 39,no kids,never moved out of his mums
And now i think ive seen why

OP posts:
gamerchick · 27/12/2021 14:18

Really glad you've seen it OP. You've just seen your Christmas futures if you stay with him.

girlmom21 · 27/12/2021 14:21

Surely if he was planning some big family event you'd have done him a favour by telling him not to contact you on Xmas eve because he would have been preoccupied and would've had one less thing to worry about.

His logic is almost has bad as his attitude.

pictish · 27/12/2021 14:56

Yes you have. He’s at his mum’s because no one else would put up with him.

The uncle’s funeral schtick is sheer emotional manipulation. You certainly did not ruin his family memorial gathering…but he’ll quite happily have you believe you did, so you’ll beg forgiveness for doing nothing wrong.

He’s the worst.

pictish · 27/12/2021 14:58

In fact, the accusation is so outlandish that it’s your perfect cue to ditch his arse without so much as a backwards glance. I’d be FURIOUS.

Yummypumpkin · 27/12/2021 18:58

What poppycock! If it was such a big deal he'd have mentioned it. How can anything you did or said as a non attendee have had any impact at all?

Big baby!

crazyjinglist · 27/12/2021 19:16

You haven't ruined anything. He's just a twat. Any normal person who thought you'd said 'Don't bother calling on Christmas Eve because I'm busy' might query it, or feel a bit offended, not go off in a rage. And then when you explained,they would apologise for getting the wrong end of the stick. His response is neither normal nor reasonable. He is showing you who he is. Believe him.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 27/12/2021 19:25

His 'explanation' doesn't even make sense. Block him now and don't look back.

Pugdogmom · 27/12/2021 19:39

If he can't discuss things like a reasonable adult instead of sending abusive messages, then dump his sorry ass. He sounds childish. He ruined Christmas for himself acting like a toddler.

At moment HE is in control because you are wondering when he's going to speak to you again. Don't give him the opportunity. You can either ghost him, or send him a goodbye text saying...
" You completely misunderstood what I said, and then accuse me of backtracking. I did not ruin your Christmas, you chose to behave the way you did. However your behaviour since then is not the action of a grown man. I don't date toddlers. I will not put up with abusive messages, phone calls from you. Do not contact me again. We are done "
Block and delete.

Charmatt · 27/12/2021 21:09

Cut and run, OP! Run and don't look back! He has no right to try to guilt you when he knows he misheard you!

My Dad's birthday was Christmas Day. This year is the 26th without him. It's not something to guilt other people with or to hold people to ransom with!

You can do so much better than him - don't spend your life watching what you say!

WoolerOwl · 27/12/2022 12:06

How does all this fit with your other post about the pregnancy test?

Sugarplumfairy65 · 27/12/2022 12:44

WoolerOwl · 27/12/2022 12:06

How does all this fit with your other post about the pregnancy test?

Omg! She stayed with him despite all our warnings.
I've just read the pregnancy test post. Its the children involved that I feel sorry for, the op just seems to love drama and conflict

NewHopeNow · 27/12/2022 13:22

I wouldn't have anything more to do with him. That is all totally ridiculous and you must know you deserve better than that. You're in for a lot of misery and ruined occasions if you carry on and get deeper into this. Imagine if you had a child together. Nightmare.

Tinkerbyebye · 27/12/2022 13:29

Just dump him

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