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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu over argument

114 replies

Whattodonowugh · 26/12/2021 18:48

Sorry for long post. I just dont know what i should do.
So we have been together for 18 months both late 30s.
Things going good, Christmas eve there was a misunderstanding and he picked up what i said wrong and he got mad at me before i had time to explain he had picked me up completely wrong and there was no need to be like this.
Fast forward to Christmas day, still extremely angry, no way to even talk to him about anything, angry responses to texts accusing me of ruining Christmas, phonecards full of nasty names and words.
On Christmas night we had a text conversation where he said he needed to calm down as i have ruined everything,Christmas completely destroyed but he didn't want to break up, he just needs time and will talk to me tomorrow.
Boxing day comes and dont hear from him,so i phone to see if he wants to talk, to be met by a barrage of abuse about how im a selfish so and so and only care about my self, his Christmas was ruined, obviously mine was also but he dosnt see that.
As it stands now, i have decided to ignore him since i just get met with anger when i try to communicate.
I plan to ignore him for atleast the next few days, eventhough he is still sending the odd text message which are just full of anger and nastiness.

Im my opinion, there was no need for it to escalate to this level, but he feels its perfectly justified.

Aibu to believe that he is being the selfish one here, and once he stops being angry he will realise exactly how much he has screwed up?

OP posts:
Cabbagepie · 26/12/2021 19:33

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them". I would be thinking very carefully about whether you want this relationship to continue.

SlashBeef · 26/12/2021 19:36

Did you call his mum a llama??

MadMadMadamMim · 26/12/2021 19:43

Anyone who greeted me with a barrage of abuse for any reason would be dumped and immediately blocked.

I'm not even going to try and justify myself or explain to someone who is that aggressive and abusive. Please don't just ignore this behaviour, OP.. Please realise that you can do FAR better than this twat and get rid of him.

He's the one that 'ruined' everything. Not you.

StFrancisdeCompostela · 26/12/2021 19:45

Break up with him. Genuinely. It’s an absolutely massive red flag that he can’t have an argument without resorting to nastiness.

StarryNightSky26 · 26/12/2021 19:48

Totally depends on what you said really as to whether yabu.

Voice0fReason · 26/12/2021 19:50

If you are not capable of discussing problems with each other then you have no relationship.

TokyoSushi · 26/12/2021 19:53

If this is over something minor then I'd leave him, this will happen again.

Unless you said something really awful...

SequinnedShawl · 26/12/2021 19:54

You're 18 months in. He's shown you his true colours.

I'm 15 years in and mine's just done the same. He won't be around to do this next Christmas.

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 26/12/2021 19:58

You’ve not given enough information- what did you say?

britneyisfree · 26/12/2021 19:59

@steff13

I think it depends upon what was said.
No it doesn't.

You're clearly not compatible. Ditch him and get an upgrade for '22

Mrstamborineman · 26/12/2021 20:02

😮 you found a rotten one. Bin it.

sst1234 · 26/12/2021 20:03

OP how can anyone possibly respond to your post with anything other than leave him. You have painted a picture that says he’s horrible. You have given even less than one side of the story here. What did you say to begin with?

Georgeskitchen · 26/12/2021 20:09

He sounds awful. Get rid.

steff13 · 26/12/2021 20:11

britneyisfree

Several other posters said the same thing, why single me out?

Tractordiggerdump · 26/12/2021 20:13

YABU as you are prepared to forgive him and not let this go. This is horrific. His true colours showing here. Run.

Flowers500 · 26/12/2021 20:22

Is this going to be a massive drip feed..??..??..

quitefranklyabsurd · 26/12/2021 20:38

@Topseyt

Dump him by text and then block him everywhere.
This.
Whattodonowugh · 26/12/2021 20:43

The disagreement was over i said to him not to worry about calling over christmas eve as im sure he was busy.
He obviously heard dont bother calling over on christmas eve because im too busy.
Never got a chance to explain he heard me wrong as was accused of backtracking.

OP posts:
phishy · 26/12/2021 20:50

He hasn't misheard, he has deliberately misunderstood what you said as an excuse to abuse you.

Why do you put up with it, OP?

Duxiejhrhrvjz · 26/12/2021 20:53

I dated someone once that would purposely cause an arguement every single Christmas/friends birthday/Child’s birthday/basically any event that wasn’t all about them, so that the attention was now all on them.
They also had a lot of other negative and abusive traits.

WaltzingBetty · 26/12/2021 20:57

@Whattodonowugh

The disagreement was over i said to him not to worry about calling over christmas eve as im sure he was busy. He obviously heard dont bother calling over on christmas eve because im too busy. Never got a chance to explain he heard me wrong as was accused of backtracking.
Well his response is a massive, abusive overreaction. I suspect he's deliberately punishing you

Dump him

lobsteroll · 26/12/2021 20:58

If someone shows you who they are - believe them. He is being a bastard to you because he is one. This will happen again and againS get rid.

Morechocmorechoc · 26/12/2021 21:00

Leave immediately

Morechocmorechoc · 26/12/2021 21:00

Leave him I mean!

fourandnomore · 26/12/2021 21:01

His response is totally disproportionate- take it as a warning and a lucky escape. Completely ridiculous, I’d be blocking him and I know that’s not easy after that long but how awful. I’m sorry your Christmas has been spoiled by this.