To think that being a guest can be exhausting?

[Ohsoready]

We are at my DPs parents for Christmas. We’ve been here for a day and I’m exhausted. They are lovely people but I feel so utter awkward! Getting up, getting ready what are we doing now what are we doing later, what’s the plan…? I just want to chill watch a bit of TV but the phone is constantly ringing. Someone calling in to say hi… and I’m exhausted.

The house is is cold, the sofas are uncomfortable. I don’t eat certain things and I feel like it’s constantly talked about.

I constantly feel like I should be doing things. Anything. Helping out with anything but I can’t really because I’m not home and it’s just odd.

They are lovely and I feel terrible, but I’m slightly regretting coming. I just want to dig a hole and sit in it until the holidays are over ☹️

@FridaRose

The hosts on this thread are just terrible hosts.

It shouldn't be like this. I have two couples coming to visit us today and ive replaced double beds with king size beds in all guest rooms, with top quality mattress. I wouldn't dream to put someone up on a sofa bed that's just awful. I wouldn't invite guests to stay until I could save up and replace al beds with good quality king sized.

I also show each guest the thermostat and how to adjust heating for their room only so they can navigate as they wish.

We love guests visiting but make sure we create a nice stay for them.

So you’re a ‘terrible host’ for having people to stay unless you have a guest room for each visiting couple, with separate heating thermostats, king size beds with new mattresses?

Ok.

@Cameleongirl - don’t think I’ve not tried that one! It’s actually just his mum now, who is in her 70s and until a few years ago was caring 24/7 for his dad. I reckon she could do without the hosting, but that didn’t fly with dp.

For the first time we have rented an Airbnb for the week. It’s close enough to my mum’s and my sister’s that we can spend lots of time with them over Christmas, but far enough away that we can also get out into the countryside and walk (which is what we like to do when possible) and well enough equipped that we can also host.

After years of uncomfortable mattresses/ queuing for showers / other people’s timetables it is worth every penny and also reduces the load on other family members. Definitely how we’ll do Christmas from now on.

@Tangelo

For the first time we have rented an Airbnb for the week. It’s close enough to my mum’s and my sister’s that we can spend lots of time with them over Christmas, but far enough away that we can also get out into the countryside and walk (which is what we like to do when possible) and well enough equipped that we can also host.

After years of uncomfortable mattresses/ queuing for showers / other people’s timetables it is worth every penny and also reduces the load on other family members. Definitely how we’ll do Christmas from now on.

We rented a cottage near MIL one year. Two bedrooms, both with en suite bathrooms. She was in the early stages of Alzheimer's and couldn't cope with having the three of us to stay any more. It worked brilliantly. I hosted Christmas dinner, then we all went to SIL's for tea.

Yeah, my house or my parents’ place (close by). MIL’s house, last Christmas we were left sitting in the “good” room with no food or drink (MIL doesn’t do things like that, even though her cupboards are full of festive chocs & booze). While they got on with their usual pastimes of smoking (MIL) & watching telly (FIL). Nightmare...
I know that DH doesn’t love being in my parents’ place. So, I give him the option of leaving at any time, and enjoying the footie (Dad & BIL talk all the way through a match) with his own beers at home. Me & my son love being there, as he spends time there (Mum minds him) when I’m working.

People talking of over-heated houses reminds me of the time partner and I did Xmas at her parents' house (we stayed in a hotel nearby, but went over early Xmas day, taking food and cooking them dinner and stayed until the evening).

Not so bad, you're all thinking? Well, they insisted on having the thermostat set to the inner core of the sun and refused to turn it down. And I'd gone in a thick sweater, with just my bra underneath...And they had 'My fair lady' (how long IS that film?) on, with the sound turned up to 'my eardrums are bleeding'.

Just wanted to say thanks everyone who shared their experiences, weirdly I found it somewhat comforting that I’m not alone… we stayed for almost a week and I survived. Looking back it was OK but some situations were terribly awkward and uncomfortable. I’m sure I’m just as much at fault as the others for these awkward moments although I wish that instead of saying that the time spent over Christmas, I could say it was great and there were some memories made… next time, hopefully!

DD and DS both stayed at Christmas with partners and I think the partners felt relaxed and welcome. DD’s partner ran a brunch cafe for everyone, cooking to order with fresh coffee in the go. This took up the late morning ( staggered get up to allow for showers etc), some breakfasted then showered after. Then plans were made for a walk, usually ending at s pub where DH and I would meet them for a drink or just collect and drive back.
While they were out we prepped the evening meal.
Everyone had books or watched a film or just chatted in the kitchen with beers until the evening meal. Guests laid table, fielded drinks, cleared and tidied.More chat and usually a tv program that I insisted we watch ( University Challenge); they baulked at Gogglebox but later declared it was hilarious.
Mire drinking and a film or two later DH and I would be in bed leaving them downstairs.
I don’t think anyone felt they were sitting stiffly on the sofa feeling unwelcome.

'So you’re a ‘terrible host’ for having people to stay unless you have a guest room for each visiting couple, with separate heating thermostats, king size beds with new mattresses?'

@Ibane pretty much.
I waited until I could put king sized beds in guest rooms before I invited any guests to stay.
Before that I would mention to friends 'I'll invite you over once I get good beds, atm they're double and tiny'.

Inviting people over knowing they'll sleep on a sofa bed is poor form. I wouldn't expect guests to be slumming it whilst you're sleeping on a comfy bed. It's holiday for everyone; everyone deserves a break and a good rest.