To think that being a guest can be exhausting?

[Ohsoready]

We are at my DPs parents for Christmas. We’ve been here for a day and I’m exhausted. They are lovely people but I feel so utter awkward! Getting up, getting ready what are we doing now what are we doing later, what’s the plan…? I just want to chill watch a bit of TV but the phone is constantly ringing. Someone calling in to say hi… and I’m exhausted.

The house is is cold, the sofas are uncomfortable. I don’t eat certain things and I feel like it’s constantly talked about.

I constantly feel like I should be doing things. Anything. Helping out with anything but I can’t really because I’m not home and it’s just odd.

They are lovely and I feel terrible, but I’m slightly regretting coming. I just want to dig a hole and sit in it until the holidays are over ☹️

That sounds tough

I like going home, but can’t right now, but wouldn’t stay at in laws over Christmas

Tough but I have been there too.

Can you set the agenda? “I really want to go to (attraction/shopping centre/visit xxx). Do you want to come too? Then when we get back we can do the prep for tomorrow. George and I can peel the potatoes and carrots if you and Jarlath want to do the stuffing and sprouts. If you’re cold just say ‘brr, it’s freezing in here. You must be lizards. Stick the heating on before we all freeze to death’.

I hear you OP.
Some years ago I decided I never wanted to be anyone's house guest ever again and I have stuck to that. I always prefer to pay for accommodation nearby, then we have somewhere to retreat to, they get a breather from us being there and a time has to be agreed/plan made for the next day etc when you leave for the evening.

It is so much better than being a house guest

The house is cold, the sofas are uncomfortable.

This reminds me of when we went to see some friends one year on Boxing Day. Stone cold house, uncomfortable stiff leather sofas - and by gum sitting on a leather sofa chills you to the bone in a cold house. We were only there for a couple of hours in the afternoon, and it took me all evening to warm up again once we got home.

I so get this. MIL is lovely, but she's a shite cook (doesn't appear to season anything and veg are steamed to the point where they are almost unrecognisable) and she won't let anyone else do it. Most of the family aren't drinkers, and a 3rd glass of wine gets raised eyebrows.

She tries to get everyone to have turkey sandwiches and cake within an hour of the washing up being done, she always has sentimental shite on DVD that we have to endure because "But it's Christmas!", there are so many paper chains and garlands hanging from the ceilings it looks like some sort of drug-induced hallucination and there are usually far more guests than chairs. Seating everyone for lunch involves setting up a folding table and chairs in the living room as well as cramming 6 chairs around the small dining room table. Getting upstairs for a wee is a fucking obstacle course.

And she only has teeny tiny mugs and I drink tea and coffee by the half-pint!

At least I have the excuse of being a smoker to give me frequent excuses to go and stand in the garden, cool off, and fart off the effects of the over-cooked veg.

YABU. You and everyone here are so ungrateful and miserable, wow.

@Totalwasteofpaper

My mil is in my house as a guest and I feel how you feel.

Everything discussed in detail at length for no reason. DH on edge anxious and trying to hard. Smiling PA comments.

Being a guest isn't exhausting... Being trapped in close quarters with exhausting people is exhausting

Amen 😫

@SarahBellam

Can you set the agenda? “I really want to go to (attraction/shopping centre/visit xxx). Do you want to come too? Then when we get back we can do the prep for tomorrow. George and I can peel the potatoes and carrots if you and Jarlath want to do the stuffing and sprouts. If you’re cold just say ‘brr, it’s freezing in here. You must be lizards. Stick the heating on before we all freeze to death’.

I assume that's your advice for next year, given you posted at 17.07 on Christmas Eve...

@CPL593H ha ha yep!!

@sussexman

You would think the being willing to help trumps not doing things their way, wouldn't you?

Not so with my in laws.

I used to innocently and freely move around the house without realising the millions of trip wires I was actually falling over.
The dishwasher has a precise filling set up and the way and tone I was spoken too in when I tried to load a drinking glass! As if I was about to flip the switch on a nuclear button

Putting clothes items in the wrong place and made to feel genuinely awkward and in the way, then Mil had the cheek once to say I don't want chip in.

A lady at our nct group endlessly bitched about her dB sitting in her chair when he was staying!
I've realised a whole other world since pils!
I never knew people would be so precious about their houses?
In my family the house just seemed to be more of the housing of humans to be together function?

I am at my mother in law's and I am LOVING IT. Sorry folks but I am. This year was originally cancelled but then uncancelled and despite the journey getting here is an exhausting faff ( 3 hour public transport) the second we walk through the door I instantly relax.
We just carry on doing 'our thing'. No pressure to do something you don't want to do. She doesn't care if I rummage in the fridge at 3am or watch my programmes on the telly. I get to play with her pet.
I obviously live in a parallel universe to everyone else. I love being at my mother in laws and wish we could stay there permanently.

Oh god yes, I hate it and feel really awkward. I just don't know what to do! No matter how lovely people are it's a bit of a strain.

It's not too bad in the summer because I can work in the garden but in winter OMG endless sitting around listening to crap TV on full blast, uncomfortable bed, can't get up and make a brew, can't fart or have a poo without being overheard, no bin in toilet (on period this is not good), have to sit and watch shit telly with them in the evening. Don't get me started on all the fussing. Bored stiff. 5 days to go

Yes, it is exhausting and awkward.
I'm hearing impaired so even more stressful having to wear my hearing aids and trying to make out what everyone is saying.

Worrying about sitting in the wrong chair. Pleasant smile on my face all the time.
Trying to keep conversations going and not say dumb boring things.

Order a hot water bottle to be delivered there asap and say your back hearts or something so you can have it hot 24/7.
Then get on the whiskey/sherry to warm (cheer) you up internally.
Go for a dog walk.
Order goodies to be delivered when you get home.

Oh God! For those of you suffering, I REALLY feel your pain!

For several years we used to go to SIL’s in the New Forest. Lovely big house but freezing cold. Food wise, unfortunately I am what is referred to as a “Fussy eater” but the reality is I just can’t stomach rich sauces, mayo, garlic or goats cheese. Other than that I am pretty flexible. SIL knew this but seemed to take great delight in preparing only foods I couldn’t eat. Also her portions were minute and God forbid if you asked for more or a snack between meals. Our last visit I left absolutely starving as I had eaten virtually nothing for 3 days and as they live in the middle of nowhere there were no shops etc. open. ☹️
I was really ill for several days afterwards. DH had told her repeatedly that I hadn’t eaten but she just chose to ignore him.

We have been invited several times since but always decline now. Funnily enough, all of her other usual guests have also now started to decline so definitely not just me. There is nowhere like your own home and fridge.🤣

JadeSeahorse, that would be miserable.
When I have guests staying, I keep things stocked so people can free range when they like plus keep plates of nibbles around.

Seems so tight to act like their fridge has a padlock on it and to serve one pea and don't dare ask for more!

I hate being a guest. I have a chronic illness and it's very stressful when people make huge meals/an elaborate effort and everyone is expected to pitch in, because I physically can't. Can't rest when I need to, get a snack, have a bath...

I know exactly what you mean! Unfortunately I sometimes think it's in part to do with being British, wanting to be polite and proper but that clashing with relaxing.

Apart from too cold a house I once spent a terrible Christmas literally roasting in someone's house; I actually got seriously ill a few days later and always wonder if the heat and stress were a contributing factor!

I hate being a guest. It's the constant low-level fear that you are not Getting It Quite Right, but your host is too polite to say so.

Should you offer to buy dinner? Would it be seen as a polite contribution, or would there be an assumption that you don't like their cooking?

Should you disappear for a hour or two to read in your room, thereby giving your host a much needed break? Or would it be seen as rude: accepting their hospitality but spurning their company?

The list is endless

I agree. It’s exhausting being a host too but at least it’s your own bed and your own cooking!

Saying that though, our sitting room feels roasting to me after I’ve just got dinner in the oven - had to go into the dining room to cool down. That was with the radiator turned right down!

@CPL593H

The dream we are sold. It has been snowing. A stone manor house in the Cotswolds, happy laughing people unloading presents from their cars in the gathering dusk, being greeted with hugs and a glass of champagne before being shown to bedrooms, where Diptyque candles are lit and everything has been prepared for their comfort. A wonderful dinner awaits, after carols around the Christmas tree lead by the local Salvation Army band. Several days of scenic walks, wonderful company and great food are happily anticipated.

The reality. Most posts on this thread

Yes!

Oh yes...we've learned over the years that it's much, much less stressful to just stay in a hotel when visiting family....