To think it's unacceptable so many women cry in the workplace?

[ttcpatronisers]

I work in an office of approx 40 people. Half of them roughly are women.

Of the Half, the majority have cried in the workplace - many on multiple occasions and often when they are in the wrong about a situation.

I find this unprofessional and odd. Of the men, one has cried.

Why do women cry so often at work? Is it because there's some truth in us being unable to control our emotions? Is it because we fell it's accepted in society for women to cry? Or is it because we attention? Know we can get what we want when we cry as it softens a situation?

Honestly, I find it very odd and annoying. I feel it undermines us in the workplace.

I also find it incredibly unprofessional. Now obviously if something really bad has happened it's a different story but often these tears are because of minor events.

AIBU - crying at work isn't unprofessional
YANBU - people should hold their emotions together and perhaps go to the toilet and cry

@Whingasaurus

We don't have to pretend to be men, I cry very easily it's an instant relief I pull myself together and then get on with it. I wish more men were like me not the other way round. Feminism no longer means we need to try and be men, we are not inferior copies of men. Our natural attributes and behaviours need to become more normal in the work place.

I'm the same, I find it very hard to control, almost impossible much to my annoyance.

@GabriellaMontez

Turned into a really interesting thread op.

Is it OK to let out your emotions at work? Or only if they're 'male' emotions.

OP admits the men have anger issues but apparently that's not as concerning or worthy of judgement/starting a thread as women crying at work.

My old workplace had a bit of a phase where a few colleagues cried or got very emotional over seemingly minor issues.

In reality it was down to piss poor management, staff being promoted but given no support or training and tons of behind the scenes pressure from HO.

I was one of the ones that cried (after months of bottling it up) - the next day I saw a doctor and ended up being diagnosed with a severe case of stress which in turn led to anxiety, insomnia and just to top it all off, some depression too.

I ended up on a cocktail of medication and resigned after I tried going back, only to find I'd basically been pushed out of my job - I was being bullied too.

My point is - it's not normal for people of any gender to cry at work as often as you describe, and from experience, I would bet good money that the company is at fault.

There should be an Employee Assistance Programme set up if not done already to support colleagues to address work and personal issues that are affecting them such as stress management, health advice, work issues and bereavement etc.

Better training for those making mistakes.

I've only seen 1 person cry in almost 30 years in various workplaces so my opinion is that it's something to do with the workplace environment

You wouldn't do well in my line of work, my team member cried last week because one of her service users died, it was right to do so another cried because his mother has covid and is very unwell and may not survive. Sometimes they cry because of the sheer frustration of working with our client group, how they impact and victimise others or are vulnerable themselves.

I spent many years working with very violent individuals, they all struggled to express any emotion other than anger. Maybe if it was more socially acceptable to express a range of emotions we'd have a less aggressive and violent society.

I've cried at work through frustration, and for me it's a signal that it's time to seek new employment.

I have worked in an environment where several women cried in a short span of time. In that case, the work environment & management style was very much like being in an abusive relationship. I'm only surprised more people didn't jump ship.

I've never seen anyone crying at my workplace - male or female

@CampagVelocet

YAB so U.

A few points to unpick here.

1. It's absolutely right that women are taught they aren't allowed to be angry or to express anger. Aggressive men are praised in a professional environment as being assertive and showing leadership; women are dismissed as shrill bitches. Personally when I'm angry I cry - I hate it, it's completely undermining, but I literally cannot stop myself.

1. Aside from nurture, I think that a PP has said that there are hormonal reasons women cry more than men.

1. Professional environment or not, none of your colleagues are robots. If I had an alcoholic husband damn right I'd cry - I grew up with an alcoholic parent and it was completely awful. You work with humans OP and if you don't like it maybe you should find a job where you can avoid them.

This... I cry when I am angry.

If there are a lot of women who cry in lots of your workplaces then look for the common denominator - industry or you

Fgs it is normal to express emotions. I cried once at work. My life was falling apart as one of my children was very ill. A close colleague asked me how I was and it opened the flood gates. Does that make me weak and unprofessional? No it makes me a person trying to get on with life in difficult personal circumstances.

I agree it's unprofessional. Whenever I have been upset about something in my home life, I've done it discreetly as I think it's wrong to bring your personal life into the workplace.

However, I wouldn't see someone crying and consider them manipulative or pathetic. I'd assume their tears were genuine and they had felt overwhelmed. Depending on the reason, I'd ignore or support.

I think it's interesting that it's more socially acceptable for women to cry than men and agree that men publicly crying is a rarity.

In my experience more women cry because they are utterly stressed and near the end of their tether because of the 2-3 full-time roles they are juggling....

When I am at work, it is honestly the easiest part of my day by miles. It's actually my down-time. Outside of work I am rushing, cooking, cleaning, planning, shopping, it's relentless..:

I think that women are more often on the edge because of all this. I know my Partner, although he does cook, simply doesn't carry any mental load around with him like I do. Perhaps this explains the near to tears state of many women.

I really try not to but sometimes emotions get the better of you for whatever reason. Some women do the ‘hysterical’ crying bit so everyone knows, but if I have to cry I’m more subtle about it and don’t want people to know, or I go to the loo.
We had a real crier in our office at one point and we all lost patience with her tbh as it was an almost daily occurrence.
Not sure I’ve seen a man cry, but dh said when he’s made people redundant in the past then men have definitely cried (he’s had it done to him twice but I didn’t ask him
If he cried). That’s a legit reason though, not sure about bringing your entire personal life to work on a daily basis!!

"Fgs it is normal to express emotions. I cried once at work. My life was falling apart as one of my children was very ill. A close colleague asked me how I was and it opened the flood gates."

Perfectly understandable but was your child's dad also crying at work?

Agree with @Haus1234. I have been in my workplace for a long time and have seen most women cry at some point, usually because of major events otherwise in their life and literally only once or twice each. And it is right that men tend to get angry and shout when under the same pressure but again only once or twice in all the years I have been there.

It is a pressured environment, life can be tough and we are only human. I spend more time with my colleagues than anyone else and would want to support them. If everyone hides what's going on you can't do that.

Obviously if someone is doing it every day to get out of making a mistake it's different but I have never met anyone like that.

@ttcpatronisers from reading your posts I’ve came to the conclusion that working with you would drive anyone to tears

I cried while explaining to my boss that my friend (early 30s, with a young daughter) was dying of cancer in the same hospital at the same time my mum was also being treated for cancer. Wildly unprofessional 🙄

YABU

I've cried at work. If someone is angry or shouts at me, I cry. I wish I didn't. It's embarrassing. It doesn't matter whether I'm innocent or completely in the wrong, the result is the same. I'm quite aware that it stems from certain shitty abusive things in my childhood. Negative feedback or criticism delivered calmly doesn't do it - it's the anger.

Knowing that some of my colleagues probably thought I was doing it to be manipulative made it worse. It's outside my control.

I cried at work after returning after a miscarriage. I also cried when my boss accused me of trying to get out of doing work when I wanted to talk to him about my unsustainable workload. I also cried at a mental health awareness event when I realised that my boss didn't give a shit about my mental health.

These instances were all the same workplace.

I've been working somewhere different for over 5 years and haven't cried once.

If people are crying because they've made a mistake that suggests a bullying and unsupportive environment where everyone needs a lot more training.

HTH (sarcasm very much intended)

Excusable to cry at work? Seriously do you think this should be a disciplinary offence or something. Just because you would be able to hold your emotion doesn't mean everyone can. I don't believe it's healthy to bottle it up anyway. I have a new year's challenge try being nice the next time someone cries

Perfectly understandable but was your child's dad also crying at work?

FGS who cares if men cry at work… we’re not men. We don’t have the same emotional response as men!!!

I’m a crier. I laugh, cry and can hold a coherent conversation all at the same time.
TBH my colleagues find it very amusing ‘Nina’s crying again’
People know that it is just a physical reaction when talking about stressful situations at work.
Thankfully they know I’m not actually a snivelling wreck.
Some people get hot and sweaty, go bright red or get irritated or angry.
For me, my eyes leak.

OP admits the men have anger issues but apparently that's not as concerning or worthy of judgement/starting a thread as women crying at work.

Exactly.

I work in a restaurant, and diners keep throwing up all over the floor. Usually the women. I think this is totally unacceptable and think women should hold it down till they get home otherwise they won't be allowed to eat out. am i being unreasonable?

@fourminutestosavetheworld

"Fgs it is normal to express emotions. I cried once at work. My life was falling apart as one of my children was very ill. A close colleague asked me how I was and it opened the flood gates."

Perfectly understandable but was your child's dad also crying at work?

What does that have to do with anything?

Men and women are not biologically identical - we react and cope in different ways. That's fine too.

@fourminutestosavetheworld

I agree it's unprofessional. Whenever I have been upset about something in my home life, I've done it discreetly as I think it's wrong to bring your personal life into the workplace.

However, I wouldn't see someone crying and consider them manipulative or pathetic. I'd assume their tears were genuine and they had felt overwhelmed. Depending on the reason, I'd ignore or support.

I think it's interesting that it's more socially acceptable for women to cry than men and agree that men publicly crying is a rarity.

You know what's not a rarity though? Men shouting, swearing, having temper tantrums, red with rage and fists clenched, storming out etc.

I'd rather deal with the tears.