To think it's unacceptable so many women cry in the workplace?

[ttcpatronisers]

I work in an office of approx 40 people. Half of them roughly are women.

Of the Half, the majority have cried in the workplace - many on multiple occasions and often when they are in the wrong about a situation.

I find this unprofessional and odd. Of the men, one has cried.

Why do women cry so often at work? Is it because there's some truth in us being unable to control our emotions? Is it because we fell it's accepted in society for women to cry? Or is it because we attention? Know we can get what we want when we cry as it softens a situation?

Honestly, I find it very odd and annoying. I feel it undermines us in the workplace.

I also find it incredibly unprofessional. Now obviously if something really bad has happened it's a different story but often these tears are because of minor events.

AIBU - crying at work isn't unprofessional
YANBU - people should hold their emotions together and perhaps go to the toilet and cry

Fourminutestosavetheworld
No he took another three weeks off work whereas I returned to work as I felt guilty about being away. He probably wouldn't ever cry at work but then he doesn't express hi emotions at all except anger. I think I am the healthier one and am certainly the one who has more understanding of others.

Worth mentioning that the suicide rate is much higher for men. Possibly because they keep a
Lot of feelings bottled up

I’ve never seen anyone cry at my work! I disagree it’s “not a company thing”. What are the consequences for messing up that make everyone cry.

I’ve never cried at work but I do cry quite easily. If I feel angry or frustrated my tear ducts tend to just spring invoking.

I have a theory that women often cry in circumstances where men get angry - women are taught that anger isn’t an option to them, and the frustration comes out as tears instead. Men have the luxury of being allowed by society to get angry

Wow OP you come across as very aggressive on here. If this is the way you talk to your staff/colleagues then there's something very wrong.

The amount of crying you describe is not remotely normal, and indicates a horrible workplace environment.

I've cried at work 3 times. 1 was when my boss was bullying me that badly I developed shingles. Was it professional? Nope but now was her awful belittling bullying behaviour. I left 3 month later firmly ensuring they knew why and who at the exit interview.

1 was in the staff room shortly after my mother had died and I'd discovered my sister and stepdad had gone to buy the grave stone without telling me or inviting me.

Professional nope but nor did it affect business I was in the staff room. My college got me a cup of tea and left me with the boss who was lovely about it. They all understood.

Last time was recently when I took a nasty fall down 5 cement stairs and hurt my ankle and toes badly. Yes I cried as I was in so much pain. Professional nope.
Did the 3 residents at my work care? Nope they got me into the car and to the a and e to ensure it was not broken. (I now work in retirement independent living flats)

I dont think it has anything to do with being female. I think we are human and sometimes humans cry. It's how we deal with it that makes the difference.

What I do find interesting is your insistence that these women you have experienced crying did so because they had done something wrong. You are adamant on this. My boss in example 1 would have claimed the same but I was doing my work diligently she just didn't like the rules around what I was doing g and until I had arrived she has not been challenged on it. She is no longer in post i was not the first to leave to cite her as the problem.

OP’s understanding of human emotion appears to be slightly lower than the Terminator’s.

I cried a few times over the five years I was at my previous job. Off the top of my head;

1. When a director not only retracted his approval of my leave for my honeymoon, after everything had been booked, but doubled down by laying into me about my work ethic and ‘team spirit’. Believe me when I say it was completely unjustified. I was pretty angry but also just sad that I’d spent five years working my arse off and consistently getting great sales figures only for such a dickhead to make me feel shit. I quit the next day.
2. When I left my physically and mentally abusive ex and he came into the office to find me. I cried after he’d gone.
3. The day I left as I’d miss my colleagues 🤷🏼‍♀️
4. Honorary mention to the time I broke my wrist at work. I wouldn’t say I cried but I did tear up 😂

I don’t think the above made me unprofessional, just human. I am unable to completely switch off my natural emotions and I absolutely don’t expect anyone I work with to try to do so either.

@hidetheicicles

Crying is a normal, healthy way to express emotion.

This! I work in a school where quite a few people cry. We're actually a very happy and caring school and crying is just a way of expressing ourselves. Better than punching walls or shouting at the children or bottling it up and going off sick with stress. We cry in a private place, usually have a sympathetic shoulder to cry on. So it's not as if people are sobbing dramatically in front of children, parents or outside professionals. I don't really see the problem 🤷‍♂️

Well many people who have cried in the office probably couldn't help it, it's hardly something people do on purpose is it?

It clearly is more socially acceptable for women to cry than men and its drummed in from a very young age for boys not to cry. But this is one of those situations where we've got it wrong for men and boys and shouldnt aspire to be like them. Perhaps if men could cry more they would be on better mental health.

I also think there might be a bit of hormonal influence as i cried more when pregnant and breastfeeding. You know, things a cute kitten or happy news.

I do wish we could normalise crying a bit more. It's a great way to release feelings and then move on. How many times I have cried and felt so much better afterwards. We see it as a weakness but sensitivity is a strength.

This thread seems to be made up of criticising the workplace or excusing women as being over stressed - they don't need to be excused. Crying is ok. It's your response to crying that needs to be reframed.

I've cried at work once in 18 years. Was when one of my dogs died.

Couldn't have given a shit whether anyone thought it was unprofessional.

Luckily I work with lovely people who know how much I love my dogs and they were kind to me.

I used to work for the NHS and seeing people cry at work was pretty normal. Patients were abusive, managers were horrible and doctors sometimes had to yell because a situation was urgent or critical. I only cried once, and that was because of a spectacularly horrible old man patient. I did it in a back room though.

Now I work in the private sector and I've only ever seen people cry when they've had the misfortune to receive bad personal news at work.

Context is everything

It's often a sign of a blame culture at work. Everyone makes mistake and it's how managers handle this that matters. People who fear making mistakes can be less productive rather than more, and are certainly risk averse.

I am a woman who gets angry where most people would cry. It's not healthy for me and not ideal for the people around me either. I'm not happy about it or proud of it. In a professional environment I try my damnedest to do neither, hard as I find it.

If it came to it, I think I'd rather deal with a crying colleague than a raging one. Emotion is a normal part of life.

I also think it's very unusual that so many people cry in OP's company.

I was on the pill for many, many years and found that generally, I was quite able to control my emotions.

I think I'm currently peri menopausal and the tears can, quite literally, come from nowhere and just overwhelm me. Like a brief tropical storm. I don't like it, because I can't control it. It's like being a teenager again. Can't predict it either.

Nobody cries in my place because it’s quite a nice place to work. However I cry a lot because I’m grieving for my husband who also happened to work there.

I do go to the toilet to do it though most of the time but it’s very hard

@DirectionToPerfection

Wow OP you come across as very aggressive on here. If this is the way you talk to your staff/colleagues then there's something very wrong.

The amount of crying you describe is not remotely normal, and indicates a horrible workplace environment.

I was going to say this.

OP, you come across as very harsh, brusk and dismissive. Perhaps work on that a bit. Then the atmosphere in the workplace might improve.

I cried at work when I was pregnant. I couldn't stop myself, crying was as much a symptom of my pregnancy as sickness was. I don't think anyone should be judged on something out of their control. My work is male dominated and although no one cries, people do shout, damage furniture and (before I joined) physically attack each other. Crying is better than that I think since it impacts those around you less. They're just the socially expected ways for men and women do deal with overwhelming emotions, usually linked to horrible situations outside work or physical/ mental health issues. I'm very happy for you if you are able to be totally stoic, it's not possible for me or most people I know.

Agreed @ldontWanna - I used to work somewhere were one of the senior makes figures was known for smashing up his office, including throwing a telephone around (the office was made of glass). What a twat.

I have never seen any women cry at work because they've made a mistake. I've seen a handful women cry because of bereavement/personal issues, but equally have seen men cry for similar reasons.

Despite your insistence otherwise, this does seem to be a company thing.

Well, women generally have worse lives than men on account of living in a patriarchal society. And men are also damaged by being unable to express emotions.

But I agree with pps that what you are describing isn't at all normal, and you don't sound very caring at all.

You have not explained why people are crying. You have given your opinion about why you think they are crying. Not the same thing, your workplace place sounds hellish. Your levels of humanity and empathy - nil.

I do agree that it's seen as "weak" when women cry at work. But whenever I've become emotional, it's always been through frustration, so it becomes almost self fulfilling; I want to raise an issue (usually of unfairness) but I'm too scared in case I cry, and then I get even more frustrated, which makes me more likely to cry!

Definitely not attention seeking. It absolutely infuriates me on the few occasions when I do get tearful in front of colleagues.

We're a bunch of criers in my workplace. I work in a female dominant environment. We also work in a very emotional type of work so it wouldn't be normal if we didn't crack at times! We give each other a hug and support each other, we don't judge! When I was going through my very awful split, I spent most my days in tears, the others would drop me chocolate and supportive words and really got me through it. I couldn't imagine a work place where people were vile about someone getting emotional.