To think it's unacceptable so many women cry in the workplace?

[ttcpatronisers]

I work in an office of approx 40 people. Half of them roughly are women.

Of the Half, the majority have cried in the workplace - many on multiple occasions and often when they are in the wrong about a situation.

I find this unprofessional and odd. Of the men, one has cried.

Why do women cry so often at work? Is it because there's some truth in us being unable to control our emotions? Is it because we fell it's accepted in society for women to cry? Or is it because we attention? Know we can get what we want when we cry as it softens a situation?

Honestly, I find it very odd and annoying. I feel it undermines us in the workplace.

I also find it incredibly unprofessional. Now obviously if something really bad has happened it's a different story but often these tears are because of minor events.

AIBU - crying at work isn't unprofessional
YANBU - people should hold their emotions together and perhaps go to the toilet and cry

@HairyFanjoBanjo

I think the OP is a 22yo incel trying to shame women.

Absolutely and maybe they might learn from this how not to talk about/to women. May lessen the chances of them being a lifelong incel.

The other day I cried on Sainsbury’s when the cashier helped me pack the bags

The pressure of work made me cry I suddenly felt so overwhelmed

I think I’m likely to have a cry again today I’m fine with that

*in Sainsbury’s

And mistakes are made it happens to us all

To cry over this seems as though they are very concerned over the consequences

One last thing, you are right that many women deny that women cry more. But ask yourself why. Because we’ve been told it’s a bad thing. So our knee-jerk reaction is to say “no we don’t!”. That’s entirely natural.

But my answer is that “Yes we do. So what?”

I've cried maybe once or twice in work, both times through sheer anger and frustration. A couple of years ago my (generally lovely) boss, tore a strip off me after a meeting with our legal team, when we were working on a ground breaking deal. He and I disagreed on a point during the meeting, (it ended up that I was right), and he was furious I'd not backed him up in the meeting. It was a contentious point, but I knew I was right and couldn't have allowed the deal to fall through because I'd not said anything.

We were all under a huge amount of stress to get this deal concluded, he is ordinarily a fantastic and supportive boss who I like very much and have huge respect for - perhaps it was his out of character response that shocked and upset me. But yes, I cried, it was embarrassing, but no more so, than him shouting and screaming at me, in a public corridor with dozens of people walking past.

I've also had a colleague come to me in tears about an awful way she was being treated by her boss. I felt nothing but concern for her and felt privileged that she'd come to me for support at her most vulnerable. I certainly didn't think any the less of her for being upset, it was a brave thing she did by speaking up.

I have cried in the workplace. Once it was because I was screamed at by a senior male colleague, as pp has mentioned. Other times because of bereavement - losing my mum, and when DH told me on the phone that our dog had to be PTS. And I had a mental health crisis which I now believe was menopause related. So yes I’ve done it a few times and yes I felt very unprofessional doing it. But when other women did I sympathised with them.

I’m 57 and have never cried at work nor seen anyone else do so
I remember filling up and having to leave the room once but it was the day before my Dads funeral

Bit of human compassion OP. I'd rather had a colleague cry at work, comfort them and they have better mental health than bottle everything up then end up very mentally unwell.
Isnt suicide rates higher on men than women?

@Haus1234

Gosh, I do hope you’re not in a management role!

While crying at work is a bit unprofessional, it is unavoidable over a long career for a fairly large amount of people in stressful roles. I work in finance and nearly all women including senior ones (and some men) will admit to having cried at work once or twice.

The “acceptable male equivalent” is shouting and anger, which I find much worse.

This. The only time I've cried at work (and in the toilets) was after being treated unfairly by an arse of a line manager who had lost control of himself.

Yes let's all bottle it up like men do, because that's working out so well for them.

Massive generalisation I know, but most women show emotions through crying as opposed to men who show it through aggressive behaviours or just block it out and stonewall everyone else. Why is the stereotypically feminine approach derided as "unprofessional" when men are excused as just being passionate or assertive? Our crying is much less destructive.

For me, and I assume others, crying or not crying isn’t a choice. Sometimes you just have a moment that overwhelms you and it happens. It’s happened to me at work a few times over the years but it’s no big deal and my colleagues are supportive if they need to be. And I’m the same with them. It’s never once crossed my mind to question their professionalism or ability to do their job because they have the odd emotional moment. It’s just being a human isn’t it?

Yes let's all bottle it up like men do, because that's working out so well for them.

I work in a school. Most of the staff have cried at some point or another. The world didn't implode.

Turned into a really interesting thread op.

Is it OK to let out your emotions at work? Or only if they're 'male' emotions.

Well, in my opinion, the reason they're crying might not be related to the work environment, but the fact they're so quick to tears might be.

I once worked in a school where I NEVER saw staff struggling.

Then our leadership team changed, and teachers that had been at the same school for 30 years were suddenly struggling. People were crying, suffering with anxiety, going off sick.

The level of well being at the school was incredibly low.

The leadership team was completely unaware that they were the problem, and told staff they needed to have 'more resilience'.

It was amazing people could be so self unaware...although I see now that's not unusual.

Maybe it's because we're always the ones who end up getting screwed over when there's restructuring or when there's childcare issues at home or a manager decides to pick on someone.

I cried in work when my horse died.
I also cried when my dd took an overdose, a long sleepless weekend and worry got the better of me.
A third time I cried was when the funeral cars drove past school with one of our pupils, the whole school lined the road.

Do I feel bad for crying? No
Would I rather be a hard faced harridan like you? Absolutely not.

My mum died recently, I have definitely cried at work since, numerous times. Luckily not in front of customers. I have cried in front of customers before though, when I broke up with a boyfriend. I don't care if that's unprofessional tbh.

@GabriellaMontez no 'male' emotions are often unacceptable too but my post was about crying, not men

YAB so U.

A few points to unpick here.

1. It's absolutely right that women are taught they aren't allowed to be angry or to express anger. Aggressive men are praised in a professional environment as being assertive and showing leadership; women are dismissed as shrill bitches. Personally when I'm angry I cry - I hate it, it's completely undermining, but I literally cannot stop myself.

1. Aside from nurture, I think that a PP has said that there are hormonal reasons women cry more than men.

1. Professional environment or not, none of your colleagues are robots. If I had an alcoholic husband damn right I'd cry - I grew up with an alcoholic parent and it was completely awful. You work with humans OP and if you don't like it maybe you should find a job where you can avoid them.

Men show their emotions differently.

Women (often) carry more of the mental load in life and men allow them to. This means that they are (often) under a constant amount of low level stress that men are not subject to. Pile on top hormones related to PMT/menopause/pregnancy/miscarriage/IVF etc and women are much more easily tipped over the edge into tears by a small thing that is actually the last straw on top of a load of other things they are coping with.

Fucking women how unprofessional.

And no, not every workplace is like this. Is there a culture of bullying/working past normal finishing time/no flexibility for those with caring responsibilities/good parking facilities/missed meal breaks etc etc?

I can't see what is wrong with crying when upset or in pain. Actually I think it's healthy not to bottle things up.
I have never cried at work so I am not saying this to defend myself.