To think it's unacceptable so many women cry in the workplace?

[ttcpatronisers]

I work in an office of approx 40 people. Half of them roughly are women.

Of the Half, the majority have cried in the workplace - many on multiple occasions and often when they are in the wrong about a situation.

I find this unprofessional and odd. Of the men, one has cried.

Why do women cry so often at work? Is it because there's some truth in us being unable to control our emotions? Is it because we fell it's accepted in society for women to cry? Or is it because we attention? Know we can get what we want when we cry as it softens a situation?

Honestly, I find it very odd and annoying. I feel it undermines us in the workplace.

I also find it incredibly unprofessional. Now obviously if something really bad has happened it's a different story but often these tears are because of minor events.

AIBU - crying at work isn't unprofessional
YANBU - people should hold their emotions together and perhaps go to the toilet and cry

@ttcpatronisers

Img this thread is already getting ridiculous. I've explained the reasons why people are crying. These people are generally happy in their jobs and for example - one has an alcoholic husband so cried because of it. Another had a knee that was hurting. It is NOT company related can we just accept that.

Now you either believe me - or continue to switch the narrative to suit.

It's ridiculous because you have made a ridiculous statement

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

We had a ‘crying room’ at my last place. Everyone was lovely, but it was teaching, so everyone was stressed to death and bad behaviour can really get you down.

We had chocolate stashed in there. If you went in, someone would akways follow you and console you.

I’m amazed that people don’t cry at work!

That’s rather lovely, not the horrid behaviour obviously, but the kindness of colleagues. And OP YABU,

@PlasticPlantsDontDie I like your post and do agree actually, I also agree that men have their own issues for sure.

But I posted about women just because it's a current situation where I've seen it happen recently so it was on my mind.

The men debate is for another thread.

I don't understand why posters are in denial that women cry more often than men - can we at least accept that?

I appreciate the debate is about whether or not this is professional. Personally I don't think it is but I understand others will disagree - I also think it does depend on the industry.

I don't want to say exactly what I do but let's say it's a professional/skilled environment.

@falalalalalalablahblah

Yes. YABU. People have shit going on. It's fine to cry. And you sound horrendous. Merry Christmas!!

This.

I aim not to cry at work. Im mainly too busy.

But if I did. Would it be such a bad thing? If I was going through an awful divorce and cried one day, why would that be so bad? And if my colleague cried, my first thought would be to support not judge.

I've cried at work a few times. I'm a paramedic.

One occasion I locked myself away in the A&E toilet to try and block out there blood curdling screams from the mother who had just been told her child was dead despite our best and prolonged effort to save him. My colleague snuck around the back of the hospital for a cigarette to escape, I've never smoked in my life, and that is the only time I've ever felt jealous of a smoker.

Once after an RTC where a toddler the same age as my DD had been killed, that incident totally flawed me.

Once, which caught me totally off guard, in front of a lot of people in resus, when I took in a man dying of the same condition as my dad had, who should never have been dying in hospital let alone without his family in A&E due to the f**ked up state that covid has left the wider NHS in. I was sad, exhausted and angry and it just bubbled up as tears when I really wasn't expecting it.

I've also seen A&E lead nurses cry due to the unimaginable pressure that they are put under shift after shift.

I hope you deem these are acceptable reasons for crying OP.

The reality is you have no idea what else is going on in the lives of your colleagues, so have no right to judge them. I hope you never have anything truely terrible happen in your life that you have to try to work through.

Also some posters point out they're in healthcare, or child protection services I completely can see why crying would be more prevalent in an environment like that.

So apologies my post probably should have said crying is unprofessional in some occupations.

Another YABU, I’m getting on a bit and have worked in several places and have hardly ever seen women cry apart from quite serious things such as death or divorce.

One particular awful boss at one place was really awful and unprofessional and did make a couple of people cry but that was her failing professionally rather than those crying.

Where do you work @ttcpatronisers?
The Onion Chopping Factory?

Why is it considered unprofessional to cry at work? It’s just water from your eyes. It’s because men set the standard for what we consider professional and because women don’t behave like men in some regards we’re judged as failing against this standard. Not the OP obviously… she sounds like a robot. If you haven’t cried in the workplace then I would suggest you haven’t reached menopause yet… just wait til that bad boy comes along.

I’m female and have cried at work, was in a room with 2 of my colleagues, the straw broke the camels back and I just let it out. To put into context I’ve been there 10 years, probably have been close to it on other occasions. I have on occasion seen my colleagues do the same, but only twice max I’d say. I don’t think it should be encouraged to hide how we feel. I think we all (male and female) need to identify pressure points to avoid getting to a stage where we are so upset we cry. For me it was stress and I am better at seeing it coming now. I don’t think it is unprofessional, it would be unwise to hold it in, however if staff on a shop front were regularly crying where public can see.. I think that’s different.. in an office with your colleagues to support you then that’s different. I also think that sharing your feelings with colleagues/boss is really good as they understand your job.. friends and family may not as much

Think frontline jobs like NHS, social care, forces, police, are a very different ‘ballgame’ from ordinary office work. Especially when occupational health services are poor/limited or non existent.

@hidetheicicles

Crying is a normal, healthy way to express emotion.

I agree. Why would anyone need to be embarrassed about it?

@ttcpatronisers

Also some posters point out they're in healthcare, or child protection services I completely can see why crying would be more prevalent in an environment like that.

So apologies my post probably should have said crying is unprofessional in some occupations.

Ooh, I love a bit of doubling down!!

YABU Your workplace sounds awful. Perhaps you have too many unhappy people working there? The only places I've cried is because the workplace was so awful and I was worried about the job. I think crying is a natural phenomenon and it's unfair to say anyone shouldn't be crying at work.
I did used to take myself off to the loo if I needed to cry but again I've had only two jobs where I've had to cry, one I was on timesheets that meant if I spent too much time in the loo I would get pay deducted as my timesheet would show it up so I literally had to sit at my desk crying whilst working. The second was just a dick head boss that pulled me up on every tiny thing. My colleague never cried but when they left they helped me leave too because they were clearly stronger than me but didn't mean they were better than me in the workplace.
I'd say it's unusual to see so many people crying in the workplace though. And men cry too, I've seen that in the shit work places I've worked in. Are they allowed to cry or is it only women who aren't?

I'd have to ask why there is such an environment that this happens. And in any case why there are 40 people in an office and not some working from home some or all of the time.

I don't understand why posters are in denial that women cry more often than men - can we at least accept that?

As a pp pointed out, that's hormonal. Why are you pretending that men and women are the same? Or actually that women are an inferior version of men?

I cried at work, twice.

First time was when an abusive and mobbing manager blackmailed me telling me that If I would have applied for a different job within the company he would have told the higher management that I was stealing for them and get me fired. I cried a lot but this gave me the final push to change job after 2 horrible years.

Second time was when, right before a big presentazion, my dad called me saying that my auntie suddenly died. I went in the room, delivered the presentation, then excused myself and cried all my tears in the coffee area.

I honestly think I am really professional. YABU

@Stath

Where do you work *@ttcpatronisers*? The Onion Chopping Factory?

@Unity1

It's an observation that I have noticed majority of time it is female that do this and I can say the same on other places I've worked

And an observation I've made is that it's very often men who get angry/shout in the workplace when stressed. Any thoughts on that?

Oh the OP has already decided that's not relevant, this thread is just for slagging off women. 🙃

YANBU.

I have seen this too. Though in my experience it tends to be one or two people not women in general.

An example at an old workplace, three colleagues went for a promotion. Obviously two didn't get it. My female colleague sat there with tears running down her cheeks ffs. I know she was upset about it but so was he. Get a grip.

Same when a project had to be reworked. We were all disappointed (and tired) but had to crack on. Tears from her again. It made it awkward for everyone else. We had work to do so didn't really have time to be comforting her for not being able to cope with what was actually constructive criticism.

When I managed an all female team years ago they were fab and very supportive of eachother. But again, one regularly had the weeps at team meetings when she had split up with the latest boyfriend. Similar relationship break ups and personal problems with the rest of the team over the years yet they managed to not bring it to work.

@Keladrythesaviour

I'm an angry/frustrated crier and I absolutely hate it. Whenever I want to try and get a point across I start welling up and it drives me crazy because I know people notice and don't take me seriously.

I think it's a proven thing that women are often taught as children (subconsciously) that the only acceptable emotion is tears - little girls aren't allowed to be angry or assertive - and so it becomes a learnt behaviour.

I don't understand why posters are in denial that women cry more often than men - can we at least accept that?

You do know that crying carries different significance in different cultures and that it is not automatically male/female behaviour or associated with the same causes?

Internalised misogyny is a powerful thing and a workplace which regularly sees staff crying is not normal. Including in "professional/skilled" environments.

I was badly bullied at a previous workplace. Other women there were not. I cried a lot. I was so in the thick of it and so stressed that I just thought I cried all the time. It was only sometime after I left that I realised how bad it was and it wasn't me.

Some people use tears as a weapon, some people are being treated badly. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Plenty of the other staff didn't realise there was a bullying problem, it was basically the entire culture.

@Stath

Where do you work *@ttcpatronisers*? The Onion Chopping Factory?

I don't understand why posters are in denial that women cry more often than men - can we at least accept that?

I 100% accept that. But I don’t think it makes us less professional, competent or intelligent.

I think that society has conditioned us, and you, to believe it does because it doesn’t fit into the male framework for doing things

You say this thread is just about women, but I don’t think you can separate it from men. The fact that men are emotional too but it is only the female way you have zoned in on is central to this thread and to your interpretation of what is happening in your office.

Wow. Crying at work isn't common. I cried once in the toilets.
If they are crying over making a mistake? That's not normal, everyone makes mistakes. Doesn't that suggest a bullying ethos. No one cries at making a mistake at my work, Dh's, anyone I know.