To think it's unacceptable so many women cry in the workplace?

[ttcpatronisers]

I work in an office of approx 40 people. Half of them roughly are women.

Of the Half, the majority have cried in the workplace - many on multiple occasions and often when they are in the wrong about a situation.

I find this unprofessional and odd. Of the men, one has cried.

Why do women cry so often at work? Is it because there's some truth in us being unable to control our emotions? Is it because we fell it's accepted in society for women to cry? Or is it because we attention? Know we can get what we want when we cry as it softens a situation?

Honestly, I find it very odd and annoying. I feel it undermines us in the workplace.

I also find it incredibly unprofessional. Now obviously if something really bad has happened it's a different story but often these tears are because of minor events.

AIBU - crying at work isn't unprofessional
YANBU - people should hold their emotions together and perhaps go to the toilet and cry

Do you work in a torture chamber ?

Your work place is shit for that many people crying in the office. I can't believe you think this is women's problem. Look at tge reason why they have to actually cry in the office or get to the point that they can. Don't look at tge work done incorrectly. Study the environment. Your work place is toxic.

You sound aggressive op. Are you the manager?

I've seen people cry at work a few times over the years. It's usually been because they've had something horrendous going on at home or are struggling with long term pain or illness and they will usually get it together pretty quickly.

Crying isn't necessarily a sign of weakness or being unable to control emotions. In fact I've worked with some incredibly strong and capable women who have cried, so I don't buy into your women are all useless cry babies rhetoric.

Criers will cry anywhere including work.

When my Father died I cried everytime I mentioned it for months. I've cried at work, on the school run, the gym, in restaurants...
The list really is endless! I didn't want to cry but can't control it.

@ttcpatronisers

Oh ffs people I've just explained - theu are crying because they've made a mistake in their job for example - or they are causing a problem or - they're having marital problems.

It is NOT a company thing - can we just accept that?

That much crying isn’t normal so it’s understandable people want to know which industry/sector this is…

I'm an angry/frustrated crier and I absolutely hate it. Whenever I want to try and get a point across I start welling up and it drives me crazy because I know people notice and don't take me seriously.

I think it's a proven thing that women are often taught as children (subconsciously) that the only acceptable emotion is tears - little girls aren't allowed to be angry or assertive - and so it becomes a learnt behaviour.

@userxx

Do you work in a torture chamber ?

🤣🤣🤣 it would explain a lot

Also I think Lola is spot on. Sometimes the mental load is huge and one seemingly small occurrence in work can be the straw

I work in a call centre setting. In my 10 years of my job I’ve been made to cry twice (not including bereavements) and both times were men on the phone being horrible and personal for no reason. This was in the earlier days, had to develop a skin of steel 😂

Don’t think there is anything wrong with showing emotion 🙃

I should add that none of my colleagues (all women) cry...just me

@Keladrythesaviour I completely agree.

Apparently if you push the tip of your tongue against the roof of your mouth it stops you crying. I keep forgetting to try it

I work with 42 women and 4 men. I’ve seen 5 cry. One suffering stress, one with shaky MH, one through hearing something awful about someone she was trying to help and one I don’t know.

The 5th was me. Twice. Once when I was unbelievably stressed about issues at home, compounded by issues at work, compounded by worry for my child. I realised I was not in the right place mentally that day, and thankfully my boss was very understanding and told me to go home (where I raged and cried for the rest of the day, meaning I was ok to go back the next day). When I explained what was going on with me, my boss simply said “bloody hell, I had no idea, I’d be gibbering in the corner if I were you” (which probably wasn’t very professional, but frankly did me the world of good, as did his support for the rest of the year).

The second time was after a colleague asked me how my parents were and I had to say they’d both died a couple of weeks previously. That one took me by surprise and was a purely emotional reaction, that I was able to rein back in shortly after.

OP, you have no idea what your colleagues might be going through. Try having some empathy - that person crying due to a mistake at work might simply be the final straw of a terrible situation. YABVU

My controlling, manipulative ex boss used to make me cry quite routinely, I think she got a kick out of it. I also had panic attacks, crippling anxiety and routine vomiting due to the stress of working under her. I was professional to a fault and I think she enjoyed pushing me too far. I left in the end and my mental health has never been better!

OP I think you have a lot of internalised misogyny and have swallowed wholesale some cultural “truths” without thinking critically about them.

One of them being that men are less controlled by their emotions than women.

Anger is an emotion that many men excel at. We have a man at work who gets angry and swears when stressed. Why is that any less unprofessional than another woman who cries because she finds juggling childcare and work so hard?
Emotions are expressed in different ways. It is unfair to only vilify the “female” way?

The second myth you’ve bought into is that a person who cries is able to control their tears in the moment.

It makes no logical sense. Crying is a natural biological reaction for women. I watched a documentary once about a trans man who said that after testosterone he felt less physically able to cry. He felt the same emotion but not the physical reaction. It’s just a physical reaction.

I cry at ads I’m uninvested in. It’s a biological trigger.

Lastly you have internalised the idea that women cry to manipulate others.

I don’t think you can be helped on this one. The internalised misogyny is so deep you will need surgery to remove it.

I can tell you though that the last time I cried at work it was down to sheer workload that we were suffering as a team.

Maybe everything is different at your workplace and the women are those walking stereotypes that you have bought into but I doubt it.

You work somewhere very strange indeed. I've worked in all sorts of places with medium sized teams - never have I worked somewhere where that many women cry. It's pretty rare in my experience.

@ttcpatronisers - you need to explain what sort of field of work you are in, as I have worked in various workplaces and it is not my experience that employees of either sex make a habit of crying in the workplace, so if you find it a frequent occurrence, that sounds like an oddity peculiar to your line of work.

Wow the lack of empathy is really quite worrying. I've not cried at work, but I think I might if I worked with you.

Goood I’ve cried in work loads… had a massive cry a few weeks back. I’m 41 and emotional! My staff haven’t seen me upset though, I always sit away from them.
I can’t turn my emotions off because I’m on the clock and I can’t hold it in so out it comes. Quick 10 mins and done.

I'm a senior manager and I've cried at work. My boss who is a Director has cried at work. I've seen many men and women cry at work over the years. Luckily I realize that people are Human and not robots.

I don't think it is unprofessional. Although I work in mental health services and see people crying all the time.
I have seen colleagues in tears for a variety of reasons, work related and personal.
I haven't seen any of the men crying but I have seen them upset and sat and talked with them, I don't consider it unprofessional to be emotional at work for private or work reasons and feel it's OK to lean on a colleague.

I have cried at work during separation and divorce over behaviours of my ex. Shedding those tears and getting support from my close knit team meant I was NOT crying at home in front of my daughters and I was able to function as a mother.
I was seeking support of a counsellor once a week but still had tears other times.

Hope that helps you understand one person's situation at least OP.

I cry very easily; when I'm happy, sad, angry, whatever. I cry a lot at work too, but I hate myself when I do because I know other people are looking at me thinking exactly the same as you do. They think I'm trying to manipulate situations or they think I'm weak, and it's the most frustrating thing. I'm not trying to manipulate anyone, it's just all of my emotions come out as crying, they always have done, and I'm certainly not weak, it's just a reaction I have. I wish I didn't, but I've always been like this. I've tried to find a way to stop it but I just can't.

I cry at work all the time 🤷🏻‍♀️ I do work for the ambulance service though

I've cried at work before. I dislike doing it but at times it is completely unavoidable. I try and take myself off so no one sees.

@ttcpatronisers

Oh ffs people I've just explained - theu are crying because they've made a mistake in their job for example - or they are causing a problem or - they're having marital problems.

It is NOT a company thing - can we just accept that?

It must be, because I've worked in countless offices in my career and have not seen a woman cry once. (A man lay down in a corner and had a nervous breakdown in one office though...)