To think it's unacceptable so many women cry in the workplace?

[ttcpatronisers]

I work in an office of approx 40 people. Half of them roughly are women.

Of the Half, the majority have cried in the workplace - many on multiple occasions and often when they are in the wrong about a situation.

I find this unprofessional and odd. Of the men, one has cried.

Why do women cry so often at work? Is it because there's some truth in us being unable to control our emotions? Is it because we fell it's accepted in society for women to cry? Or is it because we attention? Know we can get what we want when we cry as it softens a situation?

Honestly, I find it very odd and annoying. I feel it undermines us in the workplace.

I also find it incredibly unprofessional. Now obviously if something really bad has happened it's a different story but often these tears are because of minor events.

AIBU - crying at work isn't unprofessional
YANBU - people should hold their emotions together and perhaps go to the toilet and cry

I've cried a few times at work - I've worked full time without a break for nearly 30 years so it would be surprising in my opinion if this had never happened in the place I've spent the majority of my waking hours for the majority of my adult life.

YANBU
I’ve seen many women crying in my office, not a single man (and there are four times as many men).
Unlike what PP are saying, I don’t think it’s got anything to do with your workplace. I just think women are in general more emotional and can’t hide their feelings.

Ps: I am a woman.

It's not like they want to cry at work, but some people don't have much control over that. What is wrong with you?

Sometimes people have things going on in their private lives, then something seemingly minor tips them over the edge. I wouldnt say it makes them worse at their jobs.

Also if a work culture is the type that people dont feel crying is exceptional, they'll probably feel more able to do so without running off to the toilets.

Crying can be manipulative too, but not always.

I received the news that my Dad has passed away at work ! Did I cry ? Yes, there and then at my desk . Is this ok ?

Wow, interesting. I haven't read all the responses.

I work in a tough environment where working through the night at a moment's notice is not unusual, particularly when junior. Women do cry from time to time - usually when exhausted and tensions are running high, or on the other end of an unreasonable demand from a senior colleague or client, but sometimes for personal reasons. It's no big deal, we all just take a step back/deep breath and regroup to support the person. It's actually a much better "team" reaction to stress or personal anguish to have a quick cry and regroup than to get angry, rage, storm around or throw staplers(!), which tends to make people back off and tiptoe around until said person has cooled off. Or, the nuclear reaction to stress, shagging a colleague!

Obviously, crocodile tears are not acceptable, nor is being so fragile you cry at any negative feedback or mistake. Resilience is important.

But having a bad day or a difficult home life is not "unprofessional" per se. In my sector, we might see our colleagues more than our partners sometimes and therefore sometimes we have no choice but to bring our whole selves to work.

People aren't robots. They have feelings. Unless crying on the job is going to cause damage like crying in the middle of surgery or flying a plane then people don't have to be massively emotionally resiliant. Better the lady with the alcoholic husband gets it out there so people can understand her struggles than bottles it up so she is so stressed she explodes.

Women have shorter tear ducts than men and their hormonal makeup is different. If men had the same short tear ducts and levels of prolactin and less testosteron they would also cry more.

So it's useless to compare crying in men and women because their biology is different in this case.

I really don't think most women cry by choice anyway. It just happens. I never wanted to cry at work. I'd much rather not cry at all or at least be at home where I can feel comfortable and safe, do the whole ugly crying/snot thing and not have to manage other people's emotions/response on top of whatever made me cry. Sometimes it just happens though mostly out of anger or frustration with no outlet. If I tear up I try my best to not let them fall, and while I manage most of the time sometimes I go in the toilets or hide in a cupboard. It's not because I want to but because I have to. That being said the release and relief is great and then I function perfectly well and like nothing happened again. All in all better really for my workplace than some of the behaviours I've witnessed.

Hiding emotions in men = hardly associated with good outcomes (Greater risk of suicide, greater risk of poor health resulting from stress). So what's your point? Should we all be suppressing ourselves for the sake of an outmoded notion of professional?

This reminds me of Mitchell and Webb's sketch about - Women - why are you so leaky and crap? Sort yourselves out!

I've worked in predominantly female workplaces (social work) and have only ever seen a couple of women cry - and even then, if wasn't full on wailing, it was getting teary and taking themselves off elsewhere until they had composed themselves. I don't think that's unprofessional, it's a very stressful job, thinking about it, it's surprising really that I've only seen 2 considering the trauma they face everyday.

I've never cried at work though once I did come quite close - I had a lot going on at home, was completely stressed and was working with a man with severe LDs and challenging behaviour. That day he was relentless and very aggressive which resulted in him spitting full on in my face - I just felt totally defeated that day and felt the sting in my eyes. I didn't cry, but wow, it was hard holding it back.

If people are constantly crying in the workplace I would question the environment tbh - I don't think that's usual.

Maybe more people should feel able to cry in the workplacd

My dad hated us crying. He was very much of the 'I'll give you something to cry for' school. As a result crying in public brings with it feelings of shame- which makes me want to try and stop crying, which makes it worse.

I just think women are in general more emotional and can’t hide their feelings.

And what's inherently bad about that?

Are we slipping into the 'female things bad, males things good' way of thinking here?

Though in fairness, I've never worked anywhere where people regularly cried in the office

If posters feel IABU for my opinion on it that's one thing, but they're trying to insinuate it's the only workplace where mainly women are crying and this has happened to me in multiple jobs I've worked in.

Can you say what sort of job it is? Because I've worked in an office with many women for a number of decades, and don't recall ever seeing anyone crying. It's not that I don't believe you, it's that I want to understand if it's maybe related to your industry.

@ttcpatronisers

Oh ffs people I've just explained - theu are crying because they've made a mistake in their job for example - or they are causing a problem or - they're having marital problems.

It is NOT a company thing - can we just accept that?

Qui3clearly its a company thing as this isn't happening everywhere...

There is a simple reason why men do not show emotion through tears and it’s this.
From being tiny males are told not to cry, crying is for girls. I cannot couldn’t the number of times I have heard a father tell his son ‘Stop crying like a girl.’
So you know what they grow up unable to express that emotion though any other way that anger/violence/ or keeping it inside.
This is why make suicide rates are high. Makes are not allowed to express sorrow through crying.
Men really, really need to address this. They are the role models for their children. Without their help makes will continue to commit suicide.
It’s up to them to change.
The males who do cry are now encouraged to call themselves non binary and all the other ‘non make specific’ nouns so as to justify it to the world.
As for crying, I’d rather someone cried than started shouting and smashing the place up.

I have cried at work, when I was screamed at aggressively by a bully of a (female) colleague who was in the wrong but would not accept it. My tears were of anger, and shock that anyone would behave so aggressively not because I felt sorry for myself. The tears came because I could not get myself heard through the tirade of abuse and I hated it but it was my body responding, not me being out of control of my emotions.

I had a little cry yesterday at work was totally stressed out. However two men in the team are stresssed too but they are both off sick with stress whereas I had my cry then got back on with it for the rest of the day. We are all different.

I don't understand why posters are in denial that women cry more often than men - can we at least accept that?

Yes I would say that’s a reasonable observation.

It’s just hard to imagine a workplace where almost half of the workforce are making mistakes and doing things wrong and bursting into tears. I’m not doubting you it just sounds particularly odd.

Years ago when I worked in a nursery, the manager was sat on a chair in the preschool room sobbing because she'd caught her husband setting another woman. Loud noisy sobs and talking about it in front of staff and kids and some parents coming and going. While I wouldn't wish that on anyone ( even though she was a horrible cow), and she obviously didn't choose to be upset, it was wrong for her to do that. I found it attention seeking and inappropriate. She'd have slaughtered anyone else that behaved in the the same way.

• sexting not setting

Men should be encouraged to cry more