To think it's unacceptable so many women cry in the workplace?

[ttcpatronisers]

I work in an office of approx 40 people. Half of them roughly are women.

Of the Half, the majority have cried in the workplace - many on multiple occasions and often when they are in the wrong about a situation.

I find this unprofessional and odd. Of the men, one has cried.

Why do women cry so often at work? Is it because there's some truth in us being unable to control our emotions? Is it because we fell it's accepted in society for women to cry? Or is it because we attention? Know we can get what we want when we cry as it softens a situation?

Honestly, I find it very odd and annoying. I feel it undermines us in the workplace.

I also find it incredibly unprofessional. Now obviously if something really bad has happened it's a different story but often these tears are because of minor events.

AIBU - crying at work isn't unprofessional
YANBU - people should hold their emotions together and perhaps go to the toilet and cry

I have cried at work.

When my husband left I cried sometimes. Not often bit sometimes. I also lost 3 stone in 6 weeks and life was a mess for a while. My colleague were amazingly supportive, and I continued to work there happily for another decade. They understood that my professionalism wasn't compromised. Divorce is hugely stressful for many. Productivity at work often falls by around 40% at times of stress. We wouldn't be human if we could simply switch that off the moment we enter the workplace. Much better for companies and employers to offer proper support for people at times of trauma. I will always be grateful that no-one in my team thought like you, that I should simply leave my personal trouble totally at the door.

I also cried when I was made redundant. By then I was a single parent with two children and only had my income. So that was truly scary.

Crying is a normal human reaction.

We have one person particularly who cries often, I love her to bits but it does my head in, a couple of others do too but tbf we are over whelmed (children’s services).

I think it’s unprofessional.

As a manager I’ve seen as many men cry to me as women . Women tend to be a bit more open about it from my experience.

I burst into tears with my manager when I was 7 months pregnant. It was so embarrassing but I wouldn’t think unprofessional.

I would rather my team come to me and cry than hold in their emotions, especially if it’s work related.

Perfectly understandable but was your child's dad also crying at work?

In my experience it’s not usually dad running the house, going to work, making sure chins has everything they need in hospital, liaising with school, family etc. He’s going to work and dealing with the emotional impact of a very sick child, he’s not usually trying to keep the rest of the world turning at the same time. The added stress erodes resilience and needs release.

I think context is everything. Generally I don't think it's professional to cry visibly in the workplace (you could be welling up inside but outwardly no) but there's situations that mean that you cannot help it, perhaps something triggers you unexpectedly. Perhaps a colleague asks you about your weekend and your dp left you, perhaps you miscarried, perhaps you were bereaved or serious illness in close family/friends - it happens even if you don't want it too. Crying because you made a work mistake is not acceptable though

Maybe it IS your workplace. I spent my twenties and early thirties working in a high pressure, corporate environment. I’ve now been in education/social care for 15 years. I’ve never seen anyone cry at work. My colleague teared up a bit when her father died and I was consoling her, but that’s it.

Generally people don't cry in my work place.

One man did well up once, when he was told he's done something badly by someone very senior - something which he's usually very good at. He was so frustrated with himself.

Years ago there was a lot more crying, but we had a different boss. Her deputy was alway crying and making other people cry. It was a horrid place to work- I only didn't resign because I needed the money. These days if someone does something wrong they laugh it off, because we know generally our boss isn't too bothered. Funnily enough we're more successful all round with this attitude.

It's the people you work with, OP. Maybe they feel able to share their emotions, and it's a positive thing, if your workplace is so great?

Actually, now I think of it, I have certainly seen a number of male colleagues welling up (for a huge variety of reasons, usually not work related). So maybe this particular division of the sexes is already starting to right itself?

I'm sure the men would say they get judged more harshly if they cry, but in fact I feel like women tend to be more dismissed (like the OP has been doing, "attention seeking" "unprofessional" etc) and I've never seen anything other than empathy for emotional male colleagues.

It's definitely something worth discussing (even if the tone of the OP was proper goady 🙄)

I think my New Years resolution is to be called unprofessional as much as possible. YABU OP and need to get in a time machine back to 1950

Yabu.

Is it unprofessional to break down in tears in front of a customer? Possibly, but some people work in highly stressful jobs and/or take a lot of abuse from people they are trying to help. I wouldn't judge anyone if they cried at work in front of me, you have no idea what they might be going through that lead to that. Humans have emotions and sometimes they express them.

I have cried at work many times (although never in front of customers and usually not in front of colleagues either). Sometimes due to work issues, sometimes personal ones.

My industry is well known for being incredibly stressful and high pressure and unfortunately for me that's how I deal with stress and frustration. Normally I have a little cry, let it out, then I can get my head clear and get on with things.

I totally agree. I don’t see how people can be expected to be taken seriously and be equal to men if they keep crying. I work in construction and know a female project manager who is not opposed to crying when things aren’t going her way but I couldn’t imagine her male counterparts ever doing this. They wouldn’t be ridiculed forever!

OP your attitude reeks. If your the boss then I’d imagine it’s because you and people like you have made the workplace toxic. It’s not a normal reaction to cry if you have made a mistake at work unless your terrified you could lose your job as a result.

Funny how you’re tripping over yourself to say it’s not your workplace but I’ve NEVER worked in a place where most of the women are crying, and I’ve worked predominantly with women my entire life. The common denominator here is the workplace, not the women.

I think it’s less likely to be “wimminz be so emotional (but not ME)” and more likely that maybe your workplace just sucks and people feel pent up there.

@ttcpatronisers

Oh ffs people I've just explained - theu are crying because they've made a mistake in their job for example - or they are causing a problem or - they're having marital problems.

It is NOT a company thing - can we just accept that?

Well if you are as short at work as you are here, then I am not surprised

It must be your company, as this is not my experience, 1 or 2 on rare occasions, but not to the level you are talking about

I used to teach and there was lots of crying. Sometimes people would randomly burst into tears during social chat at lunch and have to go sort themselves out. Or you would go into the loos or a classroom to find a crying teacher. This was in several schools. I would semi regularly cry myself and it was awful.

Since I quit, I have seen hardly any crying at work (various offices). When I have, it's been down to bad news like health or family stuff. I've never felt the need to cry.

It's down partly to the workplace stresses and partly to the workplace culture.

@ttcpatronisers

Img this thread is already getting ridiculous. I've explained the reasons why people are crying. These people are generally happy in their jobs and for example - one has an alcoholic husband so cried because of it. Another had a knee that was hurting. It is NOT company related can we just accept that.

Now you either believe me - or continue to switch the narrative to suit.

You're not making it any better for yourself

I've only seen someone cry at work once in my entire career, and that was due to a tragic personal matter that they found out about while at work.

I find it very odd that people at your workplace are crying about work. Why would it be upsetting to that extent? Is there a very toxic culture? Or does your profession involve traumatising work that involves witnessing a lot of trauma or death?

Is your implication that men can control their emotions more than women? Because I've seen a lot of out of control angry men..

It's an observation that I have noticed majority of time it is female that do this and I can say the same on other places I've worked. These are observations I've made so how can other posters be telling me essential I'm wrong about what I've seen with my own eyes.

And what is the common denominator here?

@Copasetic

I totally agree. I don’t see how people can be expected to be taken seriously and be equal to men if they keep crying. I work in construction and know a female project manager who is not opposed to crying when things aren’t going her way but I couldn’t imagine her male counterparts ever doing this. They wouldn’t be ridiculed forever!

So the men you work with never show any emotion? They don't get angry, shout, swear, get physical, violent etc?

I bet quite a few men cry in the workplace, they just need to hide it due to sexism. They'll go off to the toilets or somewhere quiet to do it.

I work in mental health services and people do cry quite a lot. Sometimes the stuff you're having to deal with it at work is worthy of a little cry.

I have found the small number of occasions when I have cried at work totally mortifying. I would really rather not express emotions in the office like that. But it’s not as if you get to make a rational and considered choice on whether to cry or not. If I could choose, I would choose not to.

I think in over 20 years, there are four occasions when I have cried and one where I kept it together but was on the edge of tears. Two involved people shouting at me, one was after a bereavement, one was in a hugely pressured situation when I was heavily pregnant and the one where I was on the edge was following some unacceptable behaviour from a colleague.

This is how women typically express extremes of emotion. While men might shout. Shaming people for crying doesn’t make a great working environment: sometimes life deals you punches.

@Copasetic

I totally agree. I don’t see how people can be expected to be taken seriously and be equal to men if they keep crying. I work in construction and know a female project manager who is not opposed to crying when things aren’t going her way but I couldn’t imagine her male counterparts ever doing this. They wouldn’t be ridiculed forever!

I bet plenty of them shout, swear, kick things and get angry.

I've cried at work because they made a massive mistake in my wages and I was really counting on the money that day. Had nothing to do with me being unprofessional, it was out of sheer frustration. I had to pay the balance on a holiday that day otherwise I was going to lose the booking.

Some staff have cried at my work if they don't feel well, broken up with boyfriends or had an argument with a fellow colleague.

As we are all women working together except for 1 male I don't really give it much thought

I absolutely hate this too OP, it plays right into the hands of the patriarchy.

It sounds like a culture has evolved where this is an acceptable line of defence.

Years ago I worked in sales and mentioned to two of my co-workers I wasn't looking forward to my quarterly review as for the first time, I had missed my target. They both urgently advised I cry as the boss didn't know how to deal with it. I was appalled.