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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

. . . to not feel grateful for these gifts?

116 replies

Ungratefulandguilty · 23/12/2021 20:18

I think I'm about to have my arse handed to me but here goes . . . I feel a little bit sad today because it's my birthday and I think I'm feeling a little disappointed that the people closest to me either don't know me very well or haven't really given me much thought. I've received a couple of gifts that I just don't understand - my mum gave me a huge silver glittery ornament that is so far removed from my taste (well, anyone's taste, actually) that it's almost comical. My best friend gave me a travel coffee mug - I don't drink tea or coffee, and I work from home so I'll never use it. Another close friend gave me a tin of shortbread biscuits . . . but I have coeliac disease and can't eat things like that.

I realise I sound ungrateful, and I think there are two problems - my birthday falls very close to Christmas and people are busy, and I spend time and effort selecting birthday presents for other people that I know they'll like - I look at the labels they buy, the jewellery they wear, the products they use, and choose things accordingly. So I contrast my effort with their perceived lack of effort and equate this to them not caring about me very much.

I know it's trivial in the grand scheme of things and I'll shake it off, it doesn't matter really, I just needed to release a bit of disappointment!

OP posts:
stuntbubbles · 23/12/2021 20:19

I can’t judge until I see a photo of the glittery ornament.

HarrysChild · 23/12/2021 20:22

Happy birthday OP! I feel your pain - my birthday is the 21st and my whole life birthdays totally overshadowed by christmas. Even as a kid, oh this bike is birthday and christmas present, whereas people born in, say, June get a bike for birthday then something else for Christmas. Birthday gifts wrapped in christmas paper, people too busy/skint/frazzled to bother. It sucks. I hope you can enjoy the rest of your day. You’re not ungrateful, they do sound thoughtless gifts.

Linguini · 23/12/2021 20:23

No don't feel bad. That sounds shit.

I'm also currently really guilt tripping myself because my best friend's daughter had her birthday yesterday, so close to Christmas I completely forgot. I never even sent a text. I normally send at least a nice card/gift voucher. I'm really annoyed at myself.

I didn't send her something crap though.

It's rubbish having a Christmas/birthday clash.

Icantremembermyusername · 23/12/2021 20:23

You are not ungrateful! If your birthday was in any other month people would try harder. It's just Christmas is so BIG most people forget and buy something random because it's available.
If it were me, I'd stop celebrating my birthday and reassign a set date in May or June.

halfagoat · 23/12/2021 20:23

I'd be giving them leftover Christmas gifts you didn't like for their birthdays. It makes a point. They either take the hint or not. It's not like your birthday presents can get any worse is it?
And people who say others don't have time because it's Christmas, well that's just making excuses for people. OP has her birthday on exactly the same date every year, and those who care will make the effort.

RoastedParsnips · 23/12/2021 20:25

Let's see the glittery ornament, we can't judge till we see. Grin
Happy birthday OP. Thanks

Freecuthbert · 23/12/2021 20:26

Awww, happy birthday. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. It's not like you are disappointed in how much was spent, but rather the presents are practically unusable for you. Like they could have spent the same amount on something you would have liked or gotten use out of. I can relate as well in some way, as my birthday is just after Christmas and people often do a joint Christmas/birthday present, or they're skint from Christmas so don't bother etc.

Ohyesiam · 23/12/2021 20:28

Sounds rubbish op, I feel for you. I have my m day son a summer birthday too. Maybe you could adopt this tradition.

Emerald5hamrock · 23/12/2021 20:28

Happy birthday. It is rare for certain someone to put effort into gifts it can be disappointing when you have made an effort buying for them.
Yanbu.

Original poster
Ungratefulandguilty · 23/12/2021 20:28

Ahhh thanks everyone, I thought I was about to get annihilated Grin

I'm allowing myself a momentary hissy fit and then I really will shrug it off!

OP posts:
Holothane · 23/12/2021 20:28

I thank god I was not a December January baby my birthdays were always crap as it was we were always either just going away, on holiday or just come back I got very little for mine I hated it. Everyone else got decent presents. So yes I feel your pain.

Original poster
Ungratefulandguilty · 23/12/2021 20:30

Oh I'm not going to show the ornament, it feels cruel to be taking the mickey out of something my mum gave me Blush

OP posts:
FlowersFlowersEverywhere · 23/12/2021 20:31

It does matter. Don’t dismiss your own feelings. You’re allowed to be disappointed in people. I’m sorry your presents were crap Flowers I’d spend the next year taking very loudly about my preferences and see if they made more effort next year, and if not I’d be reconsidering what I do for them.

EdithWeston · 23/12/2021 20:35

Happy Birthday!!

I think I could come round to an ornament that's so bad it's good! (But I should point out for context that my DSis and I have in ongoing challenge to send the weirdest pressies we can find) But the others just show an absence of thought/attention.

DBro has a birthday near Christmas, as does one of the DC. My Mum was always rigid about not starting to decorate for Christmas until after the birthday, and it's rubbed off on me. And yes, I give separate presents for each occasion, and birthday presents are wrapped in birthday or non-specific paper.

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 23/12/2021 20:36

Happy Birthday 🥳. My birthday was last week and I’ve had many years like you describe where my present was a hasty cobbled together anything. I threw a big wobbler this year and said I wasn’t celebrating and don’t buy me anything and for once I got lovely thoughtful gifts.

It is usually a complete let down though of folks bailing on me because they’re horrifically hung over from Christmas parties and combined Xmas and birthday presents.

NatriumChloride · 23/12/2021 20:37

OP you’re allowed to be pissed off… shortbread to someone who suffers with coeliac disease is really thoughtless!
I’m sorry. I’m future i would do what a PP suggested and send them obvious Xmas leftover gifts, like “festive scented hand cream” or a gingerbread house kit etc

dudsville · 23/12/2021 20:39

Honestly, I know I'm loved but those who love me cannot buy me a present I like. When they try to be spontaneous it hurts because it misses the mark. I get where you're coming from op.

DrCoconut · 23/12/2021 20:40

Just wanted to send a bit of solidarity from one coeliac to another regarding the biscuits 😫

Takingabreakagain · 23/12/2021 20:42

You are allowed to be cross OP it's pretty thoughtless of your family and friends.
My dd once got a cd of Christmas songs for her birthday on 22nd - I was fuming on her behalf!

Mummadeze · 23/12/2021 20:42

Poor you. Although your Mum probably thought you would like the ornament. Treat yourself to something nice. That is what I do when I feel hard done by!

justustwoandmoo · 23/12/2021 20:45

The ornament made me giggle. YANBU it's natural to feel disappointed. When I was about 15 my aunt gave me a Thunderbirds hat....NO idea what that was about.

catfunk · 23/12/2021 20:45

Yep. I get a lot of crap from my family and DPs family that ends up in landfill. Winds me right up. I'd rather they didn't bother.

Pixxie7 · 23/12/2021 20:46

Happy birthday I know some of how you feel as my daughters birthday is on the 17th, when she was young I used to insist that Xmas decorations didn’t go up until after her birthday. Now she is older and married I tend to make a big fuss of her as does her DH and DC, probably more than we do at Xmas but it does make her feel special for 1 day.

BringMeTea · 23/12/2021 20:49

Happy Birthday! Flowers

CaputApriDefero · 23/12/2021 20:52

@Ungratefulandguilty

I think I'm about to have my arse handed to me but here goes . . . I feel a little bit sad today because it's my birthday and I think I'm feeling a little disappointed that the people closest to me either don't know me very well or haven't really given me much thought. I've received a couple of gifts that I just don't understand - my mum gave me a huge silver glittery ornament that is so far removed from my taste (well, anyone's taste, actually) that it's almost comical. My best friend gave me a travel coffee mug - I don't drink tea or coffee, and I work from home so I'll never use it. Another close friend gave me a tin of shortbread biscuits . . . but I have coeliac disease and can't eat things like that.

I realise I sound ungrateful, and I think there are two problems - my birthday falls very close to Christmas and people are busy, and I spend time and effort selecting birthday presents for other people that I know they'll like - I look at the labels they buy, the jewellery they wear, the products they use, and choose things accordingly. So I contrast my effort with their perceived lack of effort and equate this to them not caring about me very much.

I know it's trivial in the grand scheme of things and I'll shake it off, it doesn't matter really, I just needed to release a bit of disappointment!

Hi,

It's my birthday tomorrow and I also have coeliac disease. I have been given someone's rubbish freebie Christmas shortbread as a gift before too, as well as been gifted mountains of Christmas tat I would never ever find remotely appealing.

We get short changed, us Christmas birthday folk.

Sorry. I'd be annoyed too. I have been annoyed by this. It's disappointing- imagine how the givers would feel to receive things they didn't like or couldn't use because you already had it knocking about on their birthday?