. . . to not feel grateful for these gifts?

[Ungratefulandguilty]

I think I'm about to have my arse handed to me but here goes . . . I feel a little bit sad today because it's my birthday and I think I'm feeling a little disappointed that the people closest to me either don't know me very well or haven't really given me much thought. I've received a couple of gifts that I just don't understand - my mum gave me a huge silver glittery ornament that is so far removed from my taste (well, anyone's taste, actually) that it's almost comical. My best friend gave me a travel coffee mug - I don't drink tea or coffee, and I work from home so I'll never use it. Another close friend gave me a tin of shortbread biscuits . . . but I have coeliac disease and can't eat things like that.

I realise I sound ungrateful, and I think there are two problems - my birthday falls very close to Christmas and people are busy, and I spend time and effort selecting birthday presents for other people that I know they'll like - I look at the labels they buy, the jewellery they wear, the products they use, and choose things accordingly. So I contrast my effort with their perceived lack of effort and equate this to them not caring about me very much.

I know it's trivial in the grand scheme of things and I'll shake it off, it doesn't matter really, I just needed to release a bit of disappointment!

Try growing up with a birthday Christmas week and a sister with a birthday a few days before! Oh, the unfairness of joint parties and one gift for both occasions (not at all resentful, oh no)

Happy birthday!
And can I be the first to mention love languages Some people show love through material gifts but despite the best efforts of companies and capitalism, that just isn't a love language for some people. iirc there are 5 different love languages so yy it may seem they don't care or aren't considerate enough but they don't associate gift buying with how much they love you.
Also some people are just great at buying gifts. You sound like one of them if I do [fflowers] do I get flowers with a santa hat

I'm sorry love! My mate would celebrate her birthday post Jan payday for exactly this reason!

Having been subjected to a wide range of hideous presents from my Mam I know how you feel. I have a box hidden in my wardrobe just for this. Sparkly racoon brooch anyone?

Happy Birthday x

Feel for you OP. My DF's birthday was on Christmas Day and we always made sure that he had two, carefully chosen, separate presents. One was wrapped in birthday paper and the other one in Christmas paper. It's not difficult.

My dds birthday is December the 30th and weve always made a point of celebrating it properly. There is really no excuse not to make an effort. If anything she gets better presents because there's more stuff put out there. And she always gets a birthday meal or a day out somewhere.

YANBU. My DN's birthday is less than a week from Christmas. She had birthday presents (wrapped in birthday paper!) and she'll have separate Christmas presents on Sunday when we see her - it's really important that we make the same effort as we would if her birthday were any other time of the year.

Happy birthday! My birthday is not particularly near Christmas, but I know what you mean. A sibling that I went to trouble for, over previous Christmases, and birthdays, acts like I have handed her a bag of dog shit. So this year, it's a voucher, (may I add, I like getting vouchers) but it's not particularly generous this time around. I'm sick of it.

Likewise with my mother. I get nada absolutely zilch for my birthday, not even a card. So cutbacks my side from here on. I know I will have people telling me you don't give, to get...and so on. I love buying gifts for people but I'm done.

Actually bought myself a few nice things today, happy Christmas to me. Sod the lot of them.

Christmas season birthday here too. I hate the joint presents thing and the fact that December/January birthdays are usually treated as an afterthought. I always thought January was a little unluckier than December as people seem to care even less after Christmas and New Year when they’re back at work, feeling fat, skint and depressed.

I’m also a thoughtful gift giver, unfortunately I don’t often get thoughtful gifts in return. It’s sad, but I’ve just lowered my expectations.

I don’t know what the solution is other than accepting that you are entitled to feel the way you do and not bothering to buy thoughtful gifts for those who don’t reciprocate.

With all that said, many happy returns.

Sympathies OP, my birthday was yesterday and as usual no card from my mother, oh I posted it on Tuesday. Literally you have had years and years to realise Christmas post means first class doesn’t get there the next day.

Annoys me too. I am the head - and sole staff member - of present selection, procurement and dispatch. Yet recipient of not very much due to an ill-starred birthday.

In my dreams, I'd tell my family and friends say I have decided to take a step back from all present exchange. I'd say over the years I had learned not to equate gifts to love, and then add in a bit of green rambling to justify my laziness. Dreams.

The travel mug might be ok. I use an insulated mug in the house just so I don't have to keep going back to the kitchen. Plus a coffee shop or whatever you can get it filled up instead of a paper cup.

The ornament I presume your mum liked and automatically thought you'd also like it.

The shortbread is bad unless she doesn't know about or understand the coeliac disease?

Sorry it was a bit shit.

Have you thought about doing a half birthday in the summer and celebrate then? I know it's not the same but if you give enough notice and don't expect gifts twice it could work for you? Plus you get to have a BBQ, bonus!

Giving someone who doesn't drink tea or coffee an insulated mug or shortbread that isn't gluten free to someone with coeliacs isn't so much about the gifts but the message that comes with them - that these people don't know or notice even basic things about you. So no, YANBU, no gift at all would be better!

Happy Birthday and its healthy to offload somewhere! Thank goodness for Mumsnet! It's sounds like you clearly make the effort and the three of them just dropped the ball. I would now do the same for them. Minimum effort. Also treat yourself!! You deserve it!

It's shit mate and I feel your pain. Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas 🎂🎄

An in-law family member tried to give me some mince pies that I could not eat due to a major intolerance, while hosting me for dinner this week, and almost ordered me the wrong takeaway as well, despite having been reminded the day before. How hard is it if they are reasonably close friends or family to remember this, or that you are coeliac and don't like tea & coffee? I feel your pain.

I am not a Dec/Jan birthday but I do have a couple of relatives who are, and our policy is to make sure they get at least as good a birthday as everyone else. It's just lazy thinking if the fact that it's nearly Christmas means they can't get you a reasonable present at whatever price-point they want to spend, or ask you or get a voucher. So YANBU.

Mine was a week ago. The people that remembered of their own backs not because FB reminded them. Closest friend. A bloke I haven’t seen in 6/7 years and my DC.

I got a candle and a Xmas cup cake.

I was pretty pissed off. In fact I’ve quietly removed people from my life. I deserve better than this. So much better.

And no it’s not about expensive gifts. It’s about remembering, about taking a moment to say happy birthday, a little bit of effort.

I’m just so tired of fighting for my little bit of light when everyone else gets theirs so easily.

I'd buy them the same thing for their birthday - a different colour or make of the same thing. "I saw you like these'". That will pop the message across nicely.

Xmas bday here too and I feel your pain! I still hate it even though I should be definitely be over it by my age. DH has very sweetly done me a half bday before but tbh when it’s not your real bday it’s very hard fo make it stick.

TTC at the moment and the feb/March weeks are verboten that would them potentially in the same boat!

Happy Birthday!

My birthday was on Monday this week. I always buy the Christmas presents for DH family. My MIL know how much I dislike DH drinking at home as I suspect he is a functioning alcoholic an I never buy alcohol for me as he will just drink that too. My birthday this year was 4 tins of G&T! I buy her lovely well thought out presents but it's never reciprocated and I've had enough. I swopped the nominal present that I'd bought my sister (we agree to spend only £10) and gave her the bath products gift set I'd got her and my Dsis got a rather lovely large bottle of perfume which is also her favourite

I feel you OP, it just smacks of ‘can’t be arsedness’

I still remember 15 yrs on, my secret santa at work was a bottle of wine and a mixed bag of nuts - heavily pregnant with a nut allergy. To have it coming from close friends must really hurt.

Happy birthday

I'm December and often get this is your birthday and Christmas present because it's so close Or because it's some sort of Christmas party get bought a drink for my birthday (I can remember sitting surrounded by 7 or so glasses of wine one birthday). I'm just glad I'm not 31st, that must be the worst. Everyone either pissed, crying, kissing or playing with matches. Or 1st Jan and everyone's hungover.

But I think a thoughtless gift is a thoughtless gift. I don't actually mind getting a 2 in 1 gift because it's always also been a thoughtful gift. I don't think yabu to have a day or week to be a bit miffed about close family and friends not taking the time to think about what you would really like.