. . . to not feel grateful for these gifts?

[Ungratefulandguilty]

I think I'm about to have my arse handed to me but here goes . . . I feel a little bit sad today because it's my birthday and I think I'm feeling a little disappointed that the people closest to me either don't know me very well or haven't really given me much thought. I've received a couple of gifts that I just don't understand - my mum gave me a huge silver glittery ornament that is so far removed from my taste (well, anyone's taste, actually) that it's almost comical. My best friend gave me a travel coffee mug - I don't drink tea or coffee, and I work from home so I'll never use it. Another close friend gave me a tin of shortbread biscuits . . . but I have coeliac disease and can't eat things like that.

I realise I sound ungrateful, and I think there are two problems - my birthday falls very close to Christmas and people are busy, and I spend time and effort selecting birthday presents for other people that I know they'll like - I look at the labels they buy, the jewellery they wear, the products they use, and choose things accordingly. So I contrast my effort with their perceived lack of effort and equate this to them not caring about me very much.

I know it's trivial in the grand scheme of things and I'll shake it off, it doesn't matter really, I just needed to release a bit of disappointment!

I don't think this is necessarily a December birthday thing. After years of underwhelming gifts from various friends and family I came to the conclusion that some people are a bit clueless and some just not bothered about gift giving whereas I would spend a lot of time and effort trying to get it 'right'. That's not to say some gifts have been perfect, not expensive, but hit the right spot and surprised me. My best friend occasionally surprised me with something really thoughtful but late, every bloody year. The text telling me it was going to be late used to really wind me up. Also it has always felt a bit mechanical with family gift giving. They were always spectacularly bad with gifts like they had no clue who I was.

So this year I decided to stop all the nonsense and just do what my DP does, just cards and it feels so much better. I think some of my friends are actually relieved. You do run out of ideas eventually. Best friend still late with the cards and texts me to tell me but I have saved myself the resentment of putting all the effort in. I save all the effort for just my DP and DD.

I so feel for everyone with Christmas birthdays! Either you get one gift, "It's for both!" which utterly overlooks your birthday, in my opinion, or people tend to buy for you when Christmas shopping, and their selections could not scream that fact more loudly! The only time, IMHO, that a "combination" gift is ok is if it is BIG...think a car.

Aww happy birthday they are very unthoughtful gifts. I do feel for u! My birthday is on 21st dec and people try to combine my birthday and Christmas presents or moan that they have to buy double and suggest I move my birthday to a summer month!! My mum and dad never did this it was always special but as I've got older it seems like an inconvenience!

Happy birthday.
You're not ungrateful, you are just disappointed in the lack of thought.
A 'friend' once bought me earrings for pierced ears (I have never had my ears pierced) and some size 14 big black pants in a multipack. I am a size 10. I wished she hadn't bothered.

My Dad once got given as a Christmas present a wooden frog ornament thing, where you blow up its bum and play a tune

It's not unreasonable. Presents are a way of showing you understand the person and care about them, so when people get you things you can't use/wouldn't like it feels like they don't understand you or didn't care about getting something for you.

I actually put up a thread about this recently! I just had a big birthday and my parents got me flowers, which a. I thought were a rubbish gift in general and b. I have a chronic illness so flowers are too much work. It made me feel like they just didn't know me or get me something I would like, they just took the easy option.

Reading all this makes me wonder what I'm going to get for Christmas... last year my mother bought me a pair of kitchen scissors, because my youngest child said the ones in the drawer were blunt... my kids got me their favourite chocolate - which they promptly ate, and my husband got me a pair of pyjamas - thick heavy Christmas ones - might sound OK but he got me the same last year, and the year before... intact I now have about 7 pairs.... all too warm to wear except for about 2 weeks a year!!
Their presents all carefully thought out and not cheap....

My daughter is early December. People are very good to her. I def lose out. January. Its what other posters said no effort put in

As another coeliac I wouldn't be impressed with biscuits as a gift from family or a friend.

How about having a birthday celebration in the summer? At least when you have a big birthday. Your invitation can state that as you know people are always busy with Christmas on the real day you've chosen to celebrate in the sunshine. If I was your friend I'd go and spoil you rotten!

By the way I say that as someone who has a winter birthday married to a Jan 7 birthday. I totally get that it feels rubbish!

Happy Birthday for yesterday OP!

My brothers birthday is on the 14th and I always remember growing up my Mum made sure no decorations or anything went up until after his birthday.

I really feel for people having their birthday so close to Christmas. Hope you enjoyed your day!

@Ungratefulandguilty

Oh I'm not going to show the ornament, it feels cruel to be taking the mickey out of something my mum gave me

But if enough people say "Oh actually that is lovely, I would like that" then, even though it won't make it any more to your taste, it might convince you that actually your Mum probably did think you would like it and therefore put some thought in to it. So you could feel better about the gift from that POV, i.e. you still don't like it but your Mum was genuinely trying

@WhenISnappedAndFarted

Happy Birthday for yesterday OP!

My brothers birthday is on the 14th and I always remember growing up my Mum made sure no decorations or anything went up until after his birthday.

I really feel for people having their birthday so close to Christmas. Hope you enjoyed your day!

Yep we don't put up anything until DS's birthday has been and gone. Christmas cards aren't put up until a week after his birthday so that they don't overtake his birthday cards!

What you need to do is squirrel away money every month, specifically for spending when it comes to your birthday. People are generally shit at gifting anything requiring thought (see Bayliss and Harding or Dove shower gift sets) and so at least having your own lump sum means you can treat yourself to EXACTLY what you want.

Mine is December 28 so I totally get this. It’s pants. Everyone forgets or you get “it’s for both” and/or a very rushed present.