. . . to not feel grateful for these gifts?

[Ungratefulandguilty]

I think I'm about to have my arse handed to me but here goes . . . I feel a little bit sad today because it's my birthday and I think I'm feeling a little disappointed that the people closest to me either don't know me very well or haven't really given me much thought. I've received a couple of gifts that I just don't understand - my mum gave me a huge silver glittery ornament that is so far removed from my taste (well, anyone's taste, actually) that it's almost comical. My best friend gave me a travel coffee mug - I don't drink tea or coffee, and I work from home so I'll never use it. Another close friend gave me a tin of shortbread biscuits . . . but I have coeliac disease and can't eat things like that.

I realise I sound ungrateful, and I think there are two problems - my birthday falls very close to Christmas and people are busy, and I spend time and effort selecting birthday presents for other people that I know they'll like - I look at the labels they buy, the jewellery they wear, the products they use, and choose things accordingly. So I contrast my effort with their perceived lack of effort and equate this to them not caring about me very much.

I know it's trivial in the grand scheme of things and I'll shake it off, it doesn't matter really, I just needed to release a bit of disappointment!

Yes,just shrug things off, you will feel better then. But the big glittery ornament in the front garden, as in a Christmas decoration,. People may admire it, or nick it ! The birds woud like to eat some nice crunched up biscuits..!

If people really don't have time to buy you something you actually use then thry should just get you a gift voucher, it'd take 5 minutes.

Happy birthday and buy yourself something nice

@CaputApriDefero happy birthday for tomorrow its my birthday tomorrow too.

@Ungratefulandguilty happy birthday. As above its mine tomorrow. I totally understand where you are coming from. Xmas birthdays are rubbish. Buy yourself something nice.

Hello fellow Xmas Eve Eve birthday sharer, mine too today…. For once I haven’t had a Christmas card for a birthday card, so I’m taking that as a win. Lots of festive wrapping paper though

Some people are rubbish at gift giving all year round…. Its just more noticeable with a December birthday (is what I tell myself), my thinking is everyone is thinking about presents so you notice the really shite ones. You’re not ungrateful and you are allowed to feel sad about it. Lord knows we get the shitty end of the birthday stick.

Are you me? It’s my birthday today and I could’ve written your exact post. Except the glittery ornament. Don’t have any answers but YANBU to feel this way!
Happy Birthday!!

The shortbread one you have every right to be annoyed about. I also can't eat gluten and it drives me mad when people buy me things I can't eat. It seems impolite to point it out but what am I supposed to do with it?

That is crappy. Sounds like they gave minimal thought.

I don't think you sound ungrateful OP

The taste with the thing your num got you is tough as she may have genuinely liked it

The shortbread is inconsiderate

Possibly also the travel mug but that has become a bit if a common gift and you may have cause to use it for all the giver knows

@HarrysChild

Happy birthday OP! I feel your pain - my birthday is the 21st and my whole life birthdays totally overshadowed by christmas. Even as a kid, oh this bike is birthday and christmas present, whereas people born in, say, June get a bike for birthday then something else for Christmas. Birthday gifts wrapped in christmas paper, people too busy/skint/frazzled to bother. It sucks. I hope you can enjoy the rest of your day. You’re not ungrateful, they do sound thoughtless gifts.

This gives me the rage too! My DD's birthday is the 20th and got a birthday present wrapped in Christmas paper from a family member last year claiming that they couldn't find any 'birthday paper so close to Christmas' so when it was their birthday in April this year I wrapped their present in Easter bunny and chick's paper with Happy Easter written all over it. She looked confused and said 'is this an Easter gift?', I said 'no but I couldn't find any birthday paper so close to Easter'

Happy birthday OP and no, you're not being ungrateful. Its horrible having a birthday overshadowed by Christmas or January when you get regifted peoples Christmas presents.

It's crappy isn't it? It was my DS's birthday last week and he always seems to be a bit short changed on his birthday - relatives either forgetting or giving him his present at Christmas (often wrapped in Christmas paper). It's particularly rubbish as it's his older brothers birthday in November and no one seems to have an issue with that one, so DS2 sees his brother get nice stuff then his birthday comes and nothing! It's like people get to 1st Dec and suddenly can't focus on anything more than Christmas stuff..!

I would tell everyone that you’ll be celebrating your half birthday from now on. Late December and January birthdays are properly crap for exactly these reasons.

Op Im January get everyones recycles!! Ah feel for you.

I agree with you and you don't sound ungrateful. I actually think it's easier to buy for birthdays near Christmas because there is so much more about gift sets etc. I'm sorry that this happened to you and hope that you get lots of wonderful Christmas presents and are spoiled rotten xx

Ps happy birthday xx

Happy Birthday to you! X

I think that if people know you are coeliac and buy you things you can't eat, that's just rude. I use a travel cup around the house because I am a spiller, also my cup is insulated...but If I was buying for a wfh-er I'd give a lovely mug.

I don't think it is trivial. People giving without thought is never nice....if they really cannot think of something you'd like then surely a gift card would be a better idea?

oh and yes happy birthday.

Happy birthday OP. Yes, it's crap to get something generic grabbed at the last minute for a December birthday.

I really took stock of who forgot my big birthday this year, a couple of friends who are happy to accept child care favours throughout the year and get a thoughtful gift for their birthday forgot mine. Ah sorry, busy time of year etc. I shall be unavailable for so many one sided favours going forward (with a polite excuse, I don't want to fall out, I just see now who really cares).

Hugs for you and happy birthday

Sorry, that was a bit of a self indulgent reply by me OP! Sorry to hijack. Your post just hit a nerve for me as a couple of friends I thought of as good friends disappointed me over this same issue and I've felt quite hurt

I have a January birthday and it's always in the shadow of Christmas. I'm not fussed any more but no one ever wants to go out for drinks/dinner etc after the Xmas excesses and everyone is skint. If I try and arrange anything they are clearly dragging themselves there out of duty. In my 20s my big group of mates booked a skiing holiday several years in a row over my birthday as their Xmas presents to themselves. I was invited but I hate extreme sports. I gave up a few years ago and now I actively choose to ignore it. When we had DC I made sure we weren't TTC a December/January baby because its crap for them.

YANBU, I’ve put more thought into my secret santa gifts!

It’s a challenge for me to buy the best gifts within budget.

Remember to give them similarly crappy presents on their birthday.

What do you think they’ll give you for Christmas, more meh or some yay?

Normally I do not understand people being upset at gifts (unless occupying lots of space/ asking not to get gifts then the other person getting gifts). However being given food gifts that are contraindicated in a medical condition that must hurt.

That's exactly it, @MiniatureHotdog - it does show you who genuinely cares.

Thank you for all the birthday wishes, and commiserations/camaraderie for all the other December and January birthdays! I think the half-birthday thing is a great idea

I have the same issue.

For my recent big birthday I was gifted a bucket list book, a death diary (things to do n the year before you die thing). I was 40 not 90.

My dm buys me highly floral scented smelliest...I cannot use them they set my skin off and dd is highly allergic.

Dp bought me a massive designer bag that could not be more blatant if it had been flashing lights. I don't do designer...if it comes from anywhere other than primark I feel like I have splashed out. I know he meant well. All my clothes are second hand, he wanted me to have something nice but honestly it is hideous!

Most of my gifts get passed on to charity raffles. I would rather people bought me nothing than put such little effort it. Like you I spend ages researching gifts and it really hurts when that isn't returned.

i get it. its not the present thats hurtful its the fact that its obvious that no thought went into it.

my ex partner once bought me a food hamper... meats, cheeses with chutneys... and a very large milk chocolate box all very lovely except i was vegan.. 🙄🙄 when reminded i just got a.. oh never thought of that.. so oh thanks for thinking of me 😲