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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make ds (23) and his boyfriend (26) sleep in separate beds?

408 replies

hypeg · 22/12/2021 23:35

We have ds and his boyfriend coming tomorrow for Christmas. We’ve met the boyfriend once over lunch, and he is lovely.

Dh wants them to sleep in separate rooms. Now obviously when they are in their own city they must share a bed as they stay over at each other’s places.

But when our dd had her then boyfriend stay for Christmas when she was 21, we made them sleep in separate beds then. Our parents agree as they were not married, but did say things seem very different today.

OP posts:
FormerlySpeckledyHen · 23/12/2021 06:36

If I was your son I wouldn’t be coming home to see you.

senorafridgidaire · 23/12/2021 06:37

I wasn't allowed to sleep in a bed with boyfriends at DMs until I got married...at 37! I was in a relationship for 15 flipping years with my ex. Used to really piss me off but those were The Rules. So I never stayed there unless I was going on my own for some reason, we always stayed at ex's parents as they were much more welcoming. We never had sex there anyway, no bigger turn off than having parents in the next room.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 23/12/2021 06:38

YABU and completely ridiculous.

PermanentTemporary · 23/12/2021 06:39

I always thought I'd be really strict about this because I didn't want young partners to feel pressured to have sex. Then dh died and since then I simply don't give a crap about lots of things I used to think were important. They want to be in the same bed - that's lovely, life is short, enjoy is now my view.

Also we don't have a spare room Grin

Iwonder08 · 23/12/2021 06:41

Are you from the past, OP? They are mid 20s..Surely if 26 yo son's boyfriend is invited for Xmas you do recognise they are in a relationship..

Crazykatie · 23/12/2021 06:47

LOL, when my 18 yr old son brought his 17 yr old girlfriend back for an overnight I did offer her a separate room, it was politely declined with a smile. Adults, let them get on with normal life, it’s not the 1960s

lliitttlepiinkhouse · 23/12/2021 06:49

If you want to alienate them and make them not visit anymore, sure go ahead.

So unreasonable.

You need to accept you were OTT with your daughter, not continue this ridiculous behaviour with other children so as not to cause upset with her.

sjxoxo · 23/12/2021 06:51

They can absolutely share a bed at that age 😂 no offence but your husband sounds ancient in his approach! Like 1950s. Why shouldn’t they share a room & a bed? They are a couple & adults! They must think this is insane. X

drawhander · 23/12/2021 06:52

Let them sleep together

If daughter raises it, say you realise now how silly you were snd have become more
Liberal

OnGoldenPond · 23/12/2021 06:58

My DF used to make me and DH sleep in separate beds for over 2 years despite the fact we were living together. I put my foot down when he tried to show DH to the spare room when we stayed overnight on our way home from our honeymoon Shock

skodadoda · 23/12/2021 06:59

OP, you could prepare two bedrooms, that way it’s their decision about the sleeping arrangements. You can turn a blind eye. Apologies if anyone else has suggested this already.

AD80 · 23/12/2021 07:02

YABU. They are grown adults.

AngryWithH · 23/12/2021 07:03

I highly doubt they will be getting up to anything much in there over Christmas with you guys listening with a glass at the wall but even if they are, honestly, who cares?
This -doubt anyone gets jiggy in their parents’ house but closeness and cuddling should be promoted not prevented!

msc6199 · 23/12/2021 07:04

YABU

Simonjt · 23/12/2021 07:14

Are we back in the 1950’s?!

They’re adults, not children, your daughter is probably owed an apology from when you decided to treat her like a child.

My inlaws wanted us to stay in seperate rooms, the spare room was downstairs and required you to walk past their room to walk to my now husbands bedroom. So we rented an airbnb instead, guess who whinged and moaned that they didn’t get to see as much of their son as they hoped for.

They stayed with us fairly recently, I was tempted to ask one of them to sleep on a put up in the living room.

Okbutnotgreat · 23/12/2021 07:17

Don’t be ridiculous. As an adult you’re DD is highly unlikely to want to indulge in noisy sex in her parents house so just let them be together, they’re definitely adults.

pictish · 23/12/2021 07:18

Yabu…they are grown-ups! It would be disrespectful of you to treat them like children in the 1950s with the separate beds. Come on now.

Potatodrivers · 23/12/2021 07:22

How would you respond if your parents tried telling you that you and your husband had to sleep separately if you went for an overnight visit?

They are adults. Yabvu

Sidge · 23/12/2021 07:24

If I couldn’t wake up with my partner on Christmas morning at your house I wouldn’t be coming.

It’s not about sex. It’s about acknowledging a meaningful relationship and not being an old fashioned, controlling, outdated and puritanical weirdo.

Who does that? Who tells grown adults they can’t share a bed with their partner? It’s frankly ridiculous.

EishetChayil · 23/12/2021 07:25

Is it 1950?

Winter2020 · 23/12/2021 07:29

If you intend to make them go in separate rooms I would tell your son this. They might choose not to come. Having them leave amid drama over this is not something anyone would want at Christmas.

WaltzingBetty · 23/12/2021 07:32

What is your reasoning for separating them?

Pinkypenguin · 23/12/2021 07:34

It's pathetic.

I don't know what you think you're achieving. Really.

icedcoffees · 23/12/2021 07:34

You're being ridiculous and if my parents tried to enforce separate beds at that age I just wouldn't spend the night.

It's so unwelcoming.

Girlintheframe · 23/12/2021 07:36

YABU

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