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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

His dog hogging the bed

151 replies

Strawbz8988 · 22/12/2021 14:13

I stay at my boyfriends a few nights a week. I absolutely love his staffy. He's a rescue. Well behaved. I often walk him and genuinely love the dog. But he shares the bed with my boyfriend. When I'm there as you can imagine it's a little crowded. He's a solid heavy dog and when he's laid on the bottom you can't move your feet or the duvet. If he's in between us we can't roll over. I rarely can fully lie properly with my boyfriend when we are asleep. I sometimes am hugging him and then my legs and stomach is behind the dog. He also gives you a heart attack leaping back up again if he's got down for whatever reason.

My boyfriend finds it abit irritating himself and has made comments about him taking over.

I feel like I could sleep so much better if I could move where I wanted to be. I wake up with dead legs and achy arms.

Last night we were cuddled up and the dog was laying somewhere else. I heard his feet coming towards the bed and felt myself thinking oh here we go. He was in between both of our legs all night and then ended up on the bottom.of the duvet. My boyfriend was saying how rubbish he slept again.

Just wondered if this is common? I sometimes feel abit grossed out too if he's been out In damp weather and been for a poo and then his wet dog smell is allover the bed.

Hoping my boyfriend will encourage him.to sleep in the bed next to the bed. But I respect that I'm the newbie.

OP posts:
AllThingsServeTheBeam · 22/12/2021 16:11

@VladmirsPoutine

I can't believe how much suffering some women will put up with just to be married / have a boyfriend / a man in their lives! Ye gads!!!
Or men.
IKnowAPlace · 22/12/2021 16:11

My dog sleeps in her bed when my partner is in mine. She knows she's not allowed in. Doesn't stop her leaping in in the morning when I get up!

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 22/12/2021 16:12

It's not the dogs fault it's your boyfriends fault for letting him
If you just try to shut the dog out now then it will whinge and bark because it doesn't understand why it wouldn't get to do what it's always done presumably for all of its life
If he wants to change things then your boyfriend will need to put some effort into training the dog to lie in its own bed on the floor instead even if you are not there.
I have seen Victoria Stilwell (It's Me or the Dog) on YouTube training dogs off beds so it can be done if he wants to do it

PlanktonsComputerWife · 22/12/2021 16:14

Love dogs, but I would not be staying over.

DisforDarkChocolate · 22/12/2021 16:14

So grim.

The dog needs to be transitioned to a dog bed by the human bed.

PlanktonsComputerWife · 22/12/2021 16:18

If you do ask your DP to train the dog to sleep elsewhere, please make sure the room where his bed goes is especially snuggly, heated blanket, or by the fire. Dogs want warmth as much as companionship. If you make him a bed that's too good to refuse, he will probably abandon you of his own accord IME

Bigoldhag · 22/12/2021 16:19

Its a compatability issue isnt it.

I have dog on my bed, I wouldn’t stop that for a partner, my dog was here first. I’d compromise with a bigger bed. I also always bathe my dog if shes dirty.

SweetBabyCheeses99 · 22/12/2021 16:22

This is gross. And don’t you guys ever have sex?! Presumably he’s ok to Chuck the dog out of the room then? I would insinuate that you might be getting down to it more often if the dog wasn’t ruining the mood.

Itsmybaby · 22/12/2021 16:28

That does sound annoying but on the flip side my cat sleeps in the bed next to me and my DP. On my side, head on the pillow. Grin

We got her together so it’s always been like this. She won’t sleep out of the room, can open door handles and just screams if she’s not in the bedroom. She has multiple beds that she will sleep in during the daytime but at night she insists on coming to bed with us. If I had a new partner who protested this and it came down to it I would pick my cat over him

penguinwithasuitcase · 22/12/2021 16:47

No mention that I've seen of you talking to your boyfriend about this, OP... apologies if I missed it (sometimes I do miss bits reading MN on my phone instead of my computer).

Have you told him how you feel / asked him to sort it?

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 22/12/2021 16:59

@VladmirsPoutine

I can't believe how much suffering some women will put up with just to be married / have a boyfriend / a man in their lives! Ye gads!!!
Spare a thought for poor DP. He had to learn to sleep with cats on the bed. I mean, clearly any other woman in the world would be better than me, but he must think that nobody else would have him, as he's been here for years now.
EyesAsGreenAsAFreshPickledToad · 22/12/2021 17:02

Yuck. LT filthy B

SortingItOut · 22/12/2021 17:14

My 2 dogs sleep in my bed but when my partner comes round they sleep downstairs, they're allowed in to the bed if he is here from 4am onwards.

If he said it's me or the dogs, I'd pick the dogs.
If he had a dog that he refused to shut out of the bedroom I wouldn't be having sex with him.

What do you do if you have sex?

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 22/12/2021 17:22

@EyesAsGreenAsAFreshPickledToad

Yuck. LT filthy B
😂😂😂
FlipFlops4Me · 22/12/2021 17:26

One of ours sleeps between our heads on the pillow. She slinks up the bed when she's sure we're asleep.....

The other one sleeps in his crate with its door open to come and go as he pleases, and it's in our bedroom by the bed. He's happy there and it's always his choice.

beenthereboughtthetshirt · 22/12/2021 17:28

bunk beds?

You two downstairs, Fido up top.

WorriedMumofTeen16 · 22/12/2021 17:31

@Butchyrestingface

I would not like it but I did once sleep on the sofa for a few nights so my sick budgie could have the double bed. He had a head cold and was snuffly.

I fear I would be your boyfriend in this scenario. Blush

Your BUDGIE??
Junkmail · 22/12/2021 17:33

I have four dogs. The youngest sleeps on the bed with us because he’s a spoiled moany lump (my own fault) but the others sleep peacefully in their own beds. I mean—you could suggest he teach the dog to sleep in it’s own bed beside on the nights you’re there OP but it might be difficult for the dog to understand after he’s been allowed to sleep with his human for so long so it might take some patience. It’s difficult because you don’t live there and there might be reasons the dog sleeps on the bed that you don’t know about. Like I don’t sleep well at all but I find it comforting to have my dog next to me especially when my husband isn’t there (he works nights). You want to be fair to your boyfriend and the dog but I think it would be worth having a conversation about.

CandidClarisse · 22/12/2021 17:34

This would be a deal breaker for me, dogs in beds is a complete no no!

I had a sleepover once as a kid and my friends dog was on the bed, I woke up and could hardly breathe properly.

Icecreaminwinter · 22/12/2021 17:35

I couldn’t do that even for one night.

seonollaig1984 · 22/12/2021 17:38

Get a bigger bed (we upgraded to king size and it's made a massive difference). Our dog sleeps at the bottom of our bed (not in the bed) and it's not grim at all . I love it, especially in winter- he's a feee warmer :-)

Shebangshebong · 22/12/2021 17:41

This would be me. I was seeing someone who didn't want the dog on the bed. I ignored him. Dog comes first. If you don't like it bugger off.

SortingItOut · 22/12/2021 17:43

Forgot to mention the smell, my bedding only smells low level doggy once it's been on for 1 week.
Too be fair my dogs don't smell doggy even if they've had a walk in the rain.
Maybe your boyfriend needs to bsthe the dog more or wash the bedding more.

Nothing worse than doggy smell 🤢

Chesneyhawkes1 · 22/12/2021 17:46

I'm biased as I think staffy cuddles are the best 🤦‍♀️

Get a bigger bed 😊

HereticFanjo · 22/12/2021 17:47

I am honestly truthfully disgusted by the whole idea of this and I love animals. But a wet, stinking dog disturbing your sleep and making your bed linen smell? No. No, no, no.

I can't get over how many people on this thread think this is normal. It's really not. It's properly disgusting.

I've just read your OP again and I actually feel a bit sick. How long have you been with this prince among men?