AIBU to not send an itemised list of everything dc being with them for contact with dad?

[BewareTheRedNosedDragon]

3 DC going to spend 5 days with dad over Xmas - first overnight for years. He has asked for an itemised list of everything they are each bringing. I don't particularly want to do this.
AIBU or is he?

No but as a compromise you could take a photo

It’s ridiculous. But, could you take a photo of things laid out.

He can't receive picture messages.

I've just thought - surely he could make his own list when they arrive if he isnt confident that stuff will be repacked at the end?

Surely if he is that keen on an itemised list he can prepare that for himself when they arrive, and before they unpack?

You are not being unreasonable, but nor is he, in wanting the list. What would be unreasonable is him expecting you to create the list, when he’s perfectly able to do so himself.

I rather suspect his enthusiasm will wane when it becomes his task, though

How old are your children? I did this as I was fed up of stuff not being returned.

How old are the children?
I'd do it or get them to do it.
Not to help him , but from years of my child's stuff not coming back 🙄

@BewareTheRedNosedDragon

He can't receive picture messages.

I've just thought - surely he could make his own list when they arrive if he isnt confident that stuff will be repacked at the end?

Email it to him?

I remember hearing a judge very firmly telling a father that HE was responsible for everything his child needed during visitation. Diapers, clothes, EVERYTHING, and that he was instructing the mother that the only thing she was to supply for his access time was the child, and the clothes they were wearing.

I'm always surprised when I hear of custodial parents having to pack for their kids as a result.

He says he cannot open emails either 🙄🙄🙄

I will tell him to do it. Thing is it is likely about control - he has much history.

Children are 10,10,7.

Aside from their favourite teddy/their phone, depending on age, surely their DDads house is their 2nd home, so they shouldn't need to take clothes, pjs, toothbrushes etc as he will have all those for them.

So wouldn't the list read something like:
Clothes they're wearing plus favourite ted?

It’s really weird tbf. If you do make a list be sure to include each child so he knows how many to return

Well chubby the last time he had them for overnights I asked him to keep a toothbrush, paste and pair of pjs each at his flat and he said this would be a waste of space and money. He is a monumental arse tbh.

@ImperfectTents

It’s really weird tbf. If you do make a list be sure to include each child so he knows how many to return

😂😂😂

Don't send aNything that you won't want to risk losing

Don't make list
He can when they unpack if he needs to

Ok, I've told him to make one on arrival if he wants one. I anticipate a hissy fit approaching.

Teddy, phone, gadget.
Clothes and shoes they're in.
Coat
Medications

What else do they need to go with?!!
He should provide.
Cm provides for their time with you.

Yeah I would go with the clothes they are wearing and their phones/teddies. Don't give him that control. If he's the awkward type presumably he is going to use the list to say you are not providing enough... is he expecting them to take expensive presents he can remove whilst they are there etc.

If I didn't send stuff the dc would have a miserable Xmas. I think that is a battle to have down the line.

I once sent them without coats (for 1 night in the summertime) and he expected me to return 2hrs home to pick them up and 2hrs back to drop them again, instead of popping to his very close local shop to get some cheap waterproofs. He didn't even end up needing them (I didn't bring them to him), but sent me multiple abusive messages about it. He's not a nice or reasonable man.

Ha ha, I love this.

If he has a child-free house, and doesn't even keep a toothbrush there for them, surely hell notice that a Playmobil knight, a switch and 45981 NERF bullets have been left behind. Whatever you do make sure you send slime and kinetic sand....

Good for you op.

I remember all of this nonsense from when mine were small. The ex prick would take and stash any nappies or wipes I packed and keep them at his house but as he refused to provide them I couldn't see my child potentially go without so would always provide more.

Now when (and if) they do go to see him they get seriously pissed off if he tries to keep their nice clothes and belongings etc at his house as they're at an age where they take pride in their appearances and look after their own things.

I guess what I'm saying is to stay strong , pick your battles , and that it will get easier as they grow.

Sod that. Either he gets his shit together so he can receive a photo or he does the work.

@JuneOsborne

Ha ha, I love this.

If he has a child-free house, and doesn't even keep a toothbrush there for them, surely hell notice that a Playmobil knight, a switch and 45981 NERF bullets have been left behind. Whatever you do make sure you send slime and kinetic sand....

Slime and kinetic sand Love it!!

@Morechocolatethanbarbara

Aside from their favourite teddy/their phone, depending on age, surely their DDads house is their 2nd home, so they shouldn't need to take clothes, pjs, toothbrushes etc as he will have all those for them.

So wouldn't the list read something like:
Clothes they're wearing plus favourite ted?

first overnight for years

First line of the OP, though.

Tbh I'd give him the list as presumably the concern is that everything won't get returned to you, which makes it harder for you?

He sounds over the top but surely the list benefits you and the kids more than him?

There's no end to the things he apparently doesn't have time for, despite not having children living with him, a job, or any other responsibilities. Sigh. It shouldn't be too much to ask that he would provide stuff for them but - he has asked me to bring bedding. I will not be doing that.