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Original poster

So sad about my school choice

106 replies

Feelingsad9878 · 20/12/2021 12:06

I live local to two schools, one of which I went to as a child. I picked the other school for my children because I stupidly listened to people saying the other local is a better school etc . In hindsight it is not any better and I feel my children would have been a lot happier in the other school and I have so many happy memories of my days in that school. My daughter askes me what school I went to and it breaks my heart when I tell her, it makes me so sad that she doesn't go there, wearing that little uniform which is still exactly the same as what I had when I went to that school.

Everyday when I see them in their uniform I feel so sad. I feel like I've let them down and I'm so down about it. It would have been lovely for them to go to the same school as I went to, my daughter especially would have been so happy to know I went to the same school as her and I know that school would have been a way better school for them.

I made the wrong choice and I'm so sad.

OP posts:
RedskyThisNight · 20/12/2021 12:12

And how are your children actually getting on at school? Are they happy? Have they made friends?

Feeling sad because they are not going to your own childhood school (not even a possibility for the vast majority of people) is, frankly, a bit bizarre.

MerryMarigold · 20/12/2021 12:16

How will it help to think like this? The school has undoubtedly changed a lot since you were there unless it's the same head teacher and staff!! You are probably looking at it through rose tinted glasses if your past. I think these are your options:

A. If your children are unhappy, move them/ put on waiting list for your old school
B. If they are happy and settled, keep them where they are and embrace your new school?

Original poster
Feelingsad9878 · 20/12/2021 12:17

@12RedskyThisNight they are getting on OK but I feel the other school is a lot more suited for them.
Feeling sad because they are not going to your own childhood school (not even a possibility for the vast majority of people)
I know this and it makes me more sad that I had this opportunity that many do not have and I didn't take it Sad

OP posts:
StucklnAMuumuuCantGetOutOflt · 20/12/2021 12:18

Apply for an in-year transfer/managed move. Vote with your feet.

CagneyNYPD1 · 20/12/2021 12:19

So have you looked into whether your old school has places for your dc?

fruitbrewhaha · 20/12/2021 12:19

It is weird OP to feel sad that your children will not wear the same uniform as you did.

Is there really any difference between to the two school? Have they made friends? Do they enjoy going? Are they learning? These are the real questions you should be asking, not mooning over a strange nostalgia of your own school experience.

When they ask where you went to school, you tell them and say but your school is a bit better these days so I wanted you to go there.

bedheadedzombie · 20/12/2021 12:20

Just move schools. I moved schools lots when I was a kid due to the expat lifestyle of my parents. It really isn't that big a deal as some parents make it out to be. Adjusting takes anout two weeks.

audweb · 20/12/2021 12:20

But what difference does it make? I didn’t got to the same school as either of my parents and my child doesn’t go to the same one that I did. It has had literally no bearing on my life.

However if you’re unhappy because they are not settled, or not learning then that’s a different matter. Don’t get the two confused though.

3luckystars · 20/12/2021 12:21

Well you made the decision with the information you had at that time. You made the best decision for them. Stop doubting yourself.
If they are happy, it is a good decision. Moving them would be upsetting. By all means, be nostalgic, but accept hat you made the best decision at that time and they are ok!

MotherOfCrocodiles · 20/12/2021 12:21

I hear you, it's not rational but I was kind of sad when I picked the green uniform school for my kids- another local school has red uniform like I had as a kid. Ridiculous but I feel nostalgia when I see the red uniform kids!

I think you are processing something about your daughter becoming her own person separate to you, not living the childhood you imagined based on your own childhood, but her own life that she chooses.

Over time I think you will come to be so fond of your children's school. Maybe even more so than your own old school. It's like the other roads you didn't travel (did you imagine having children of the other sex, or with a different age gap?). The feeling of thinking back on the choice will fade.

ANameChangeAgain · 20/12/2021 12:22

Your memories won't affect your child's enjoyment of the school. It will have changed beyond recognition in terms of teaching and environment. The only thing that has stayed the same is the uniform, and there will probably be a dinner lady from your time there.
You chose the school based on the information you had at the time on the schools as they are now, not your own nostalgia.

TheLovelinessOfBaublyDemons · 20/12/2021 12:23

@RedskyThisNight

And how are your children actually getting on at school? Are they happy? Have they made friends?

Feeling sad because they are not going to your own childhood school (not even a possibility for the vast majority of people) is, frankly, a bit bizarre.

Ha my very first school was demolished, they built a brand new school for us.
ftw163532 · 20/12/2021 12:25

With respect, I think you need to get a grip. You're being completely irrational.

Your desire to relive your own childhood memories should not determine the opportunities your children have.

Your heart is "breaking" because your daughter isn't a mini-you wearing the school uniform you did? Why?

The school you went to only exists in the past. They wouldn't have the experience you had there - they are different people and it will be a different place now.

Is there something else going on in your life causing you to fixate on reliving the past like this?

BlameItOnTheBlackStar · 20/12/2021 12:26

If you think it's worth moving them away from their current friends, school, etc, then do it.

But feeling sad they didn't go to your school is bonkers.

AutumnLeaves21 · 20/12/2021 12:26

Sorry, but this is really weird OP. Nostalgia is nice but you seem oddly attached to your old school. Your kids will be fine and won’t give a shit about wearing the same uniform as their mum.

skaknalposiey · 20/12/2021 12:28

I personally find it totally bizarre sending your kid to the same school you went to. But then the thought of never moving away from where I grew up fills me with horror 😂 If I did happen to live in the same town I grew up in I'd pick a school based on its merits, not where I went. The teachers are likely different from when you went there so I imagine the school is quite different too.

ftw163532 · 20/12/2021 12:28

Your op is all about you. None of this is actually about your children.

zoemum2006 · 20/12/2021 12:32

Remember that schools are different from when we went to primary.

I loved my school, it was so much fun and chilled and I feel sad my girls do endless tests and SATs but then I remembered that was the 80s and this is now.

All I’m saying is there is no guarantee the school is the same as when you went.

Snoken · 20/12/2021 12:33

@ftw163532

Your op is all about you. None of this is actually about your children.
Absolutely! Even the heading reads as if it is you that is going to school, not your kids.
lliitttlepiinkhouse · 20/12/2021 12:33

You are being irrational.

My kids go to the same primary school that I went to.

The uniform is different. The name is different (now an academy). There's no staff the same at all. They had a refit inside so it looks completely different. The only thing that's the same is the playground and the outer part of building. No doubt the ethos and rules and everything are different too.

I picked it because it's closest, and they held an open day which no other school did, and they were friendly, open and honest and let us have a good look round and talk to the staff.

Nothing to do with me going there. Though it is nice to have a look and see how it's changed and it brought back memories, it wasn't a reason for choosing it.

housemaus · 20/12/2021 12:34

Not going to the same school as your parents isn't a sad thing, nor are they missing out, OP. Schools change rapidly - bar maybe the odd long-time teacher, almost nothing will be the same as when you were there - you're nostalgic for something that no longer exists.

It's not 'an opportunity most don't get'. It's just not a thing.

As long as your children are happy at school - you need to pull yourself together. I mean that with love, but this just is not important.

Tal45 · 20/12/2021 12:35

This is all about your feelings rather than your kids. They know no difference and are doing fine. It's the teachers and head that make a school so unless they're still the same ones you had the school will be very different. When my son first started his primary school I loved it, there were several changes of Head while he was there, most weren't nearly as good as the first IMO and some were there only a very short time. By the end of it I was happy that he was leaving.

If your kids are happy and doing well leave them where they are, the colour of their school uniform is neither here nor there. If they are unhappy and not getting the support they need then visit your old school, find out what would be different there to their current school and consider whether they might be happier and better off there. You need to take your old feelings out of it though as a lot will have changed.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 20/12/2021 12:35

If you really feel that strongly about it why don’t you apply to move schools?

Flowers500 · 20/12/2021 12:37

They literally could not care less, it sounds like they’re enjoying themselves and the school is good. Have you been disagnoses with anxiety?

Flowers500 · 20/12/2021 12:39

If you have difficulty separating the idea of them from the idea of you then it might be a good thing to send them to a different school

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