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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So sad about my school choice

106 replies

Feelingsad9878 · 20/12/2021 12:06

I live local to two schools, one of which I went to as a child. I picked the other school for my children because I stupidly listened to people saying the other local is a better school etc . In hindsight it is not any better and I feel my children would have been a lot happier in the other school and I have so many happy memories of my days in that school. My daughter askes me what school I went to and it breaks my heart when I tell her, it makes me so sad that she doesn't go there, wearing that little uniform which is still exactly the same as what I had when I went to that school.

Everyday when I see them in their uniform I feel so sad. I feel like I've let them down and I'm so down about it. It would have been lovely for them to go to the same school as I went to, my daughter especially would have been so happy to know I went to the same school as her and I know that school would have been a way better school for them.

I made the wrong choice and I'm so sad.

OP posts:
murasaki · 20/12/2021 14:12

My first parents evening (I'm the oldest) was mostly the English teacher who had taught my mum talking to her about her career, and nothing about me. I laugh now.....

I was not the only kid this happened to.

Ionlydomassiveones · 20/12/2021 14:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

murasaki · 20/12/2021 14:16

And there was also an expectation that my sisters would take the same options that I (and mum, but we were both interested in the same stuff, but the others weren't) had, and match our grades, which was unfair on all.

The other school is best as she can make her own identity.

fortheloveofhuns · 20/12/2021 14:20

How do you know they'd be happier there? And why does it matter to you so much that they go to your old school?

Rosesareyellow · 20/12/2021 14:24

This must be the most bizarre non issue I’ve come across. For what it’s worth I’ve worked at my former primary school - apart from the actually building itself it’s not the same. Obviously. The staff makes a school and they aren’t part of the fixtures Confused

Echobelly · 20/12/2021 14:27

The school will be very different to 'your day' - I think you need to distance your feelings from this as you are upsetting yourself needlessly.

EmpressCixi · 20/12/2021 14:30

OP,
I know the school holds special memories for you, but it won’t be the same school you went to. Schools are the teachers and students within that community during those years they are together. The rest of the time it is just bricks and mortar. The school would not be the same for your children as it was for you. The teachers will be different. Their classmates different. And the advice you were given was probably honest...the teachers not as good. Happy memories come from good times with good people. It’s the people you were at school with, not the building that gave you those good memories.

Secondly, your children are not a repeat of your childhood as much as we do think to ourselves, loved going swimming when I was that age so will take the DC swimming so they can have as good a childhood I had.

So, I would not be sad. You made the best and most rational choice. You chose the school where the people are good and your children are making their own happy memories. Cheer up, don’t doubt yourself so much.

GatoradeMeBitch · 20/12/2021 14:40

Is there any possibility of transferring?

Though I think you need to separate your feelings of nostalgia from what is best for your children. They haven't lost out on anything.

ScaredOfOverDiagnosis · 20/12/2021 14:41

Which school is nearer?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/12/2021 14:44

What are the 'opportunities' that you feel your kids are missing out on?

In which case why did you make the decision to send them to the other school?

The fact you're obsessing about is really odd, to be honest.

Either transfer them or get some counselling!

penniesdimesapplespears · 20/12/2021 14:45

I'm sorry op but if your children are happy at their school you need to get over it and get on with life.

Fallagain · 20/12/2021 14:46

Why do think the other school would better suit your children?

enjoyingscience · 20/12/2021 14:47

If you associate your childhood school with feeling safe and happy I can understand why you would want your children to feel that way, but you must realise that your experience and theirs will be different whatever school they go to?

Moving them would be about your feelings not theirs. If they are happy, settled and learning leave them where they are.

theSunday · 20/12/2021 14:51

I don't know much about the schools in question, but could your sadness be more irrational?

Ask yourself: why am I sad? and keep digging until you get to the bottom of this. I think there's something else you'll find as the source of your sadness.

TuftyMarmoset · 20/12/2021 15:01

I would hate for my kids to go to the same school I did! It would feel like I hadn’t progressed in life. If your kids are happy and getting on well just leave them where they are. They are their own people, not a chance for you to relive your own childhood.

Pawprintpaper · 20/12/2021 15:05

Could it be that thing where in turbulent times we cling to the things that were simple, safe and familiar? Like arctic roll and Gordon the gopher. (Or in this case your own safe little primary school and cute little uniform). I wish our kids weren’t living with covid and climate fear, but we were oblivious to a lot of bad things in the 80s and 90s too. I think you’re fixating on the wrong things, if they’re happy there, help them to embrace their own school experience and make new memories/traditions.

If their current school is failing them in some way then I would approach that entirely separately.

Snowmanuel · 20/12/2021 15:10

This is so weird. Is sending your kids to your old school ‘a thing’?

Most people I know don’t live anywhere near their first schools.

JustDanceAddict · 20/12/2021 15:15

Are they unhappy or not doing well there?
My DCs went to my secondary and it’s a completely different school now in terms of - well, everything really. It was a sh*thole when I went and I vowed never to send my kids there 😆
I do often think what if I’d sent them to the alternative, but school’s all pretty much over now and they both did very well.

Original poster
Feelingsad9878 · 20/12/2021 17:16

They seem OK there, I wouldn't say overly happy. There are a few cliques amongst the parents and they can be a bit bitchy and of course their children are friends so my kids can be pushed out at times but they do seem to play with most of the kids in the class. That is one of the reasons I'm upset I chosen the wrong school. In my old school their are a lot of friends of friends of mine etc and I just feel we all would have fit in better Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelingsad9878 · 20/12/2021 17:18

My kids speak so highly of some of the children in their class and that also makes me feel sad because I know the parents discourage the friendship and stick to their own little "clique".

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelingsad9878 · 20/12/2021 17:23

I'm so upset with myself, I don't feel I can do anything about it now because if I move them they will innocently miss their class "friends". They are innocent and up to now haven't picked up on being pushed out, they do seem to play in school but no out of school invitations etc. My old school has a totally different vibe, I messed up Sad

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 20/12/2021 17:25

How old are your children? If they are still in the earlier years of school then I think if you move them they will quickly forget about their current friends and make new ones.

That said, I really think it sounds like the problem is far bigger in your head than it is in reality and I think you are probably viewing your old school through rise-tinted glasses. In reality it’s likely to have the same issues with school mum cliques etc as most schools do across the country.

Thwackit · 20/12/2021 18:23

Your old school is quite literally not the same school as it was when you went there years ago. New staff, new pupils, new ways of doing things. I think your nostalgia is going a bit too far.

RedskyThisNight · 20/12/2021 18:39

You have no idea what the vibe of your old school is like. Your children will not necessarily be friends with your children's friends. If your children are not getting out of school invitations, is this because you're not inviting anyone yourself? By the time they get to about 7, this becomes more who the children like than about parents.

Tayegete · 20/12/2021 19:38

DS started at my old school this year. I loathed it when I was there. However I left nearly 30 years ago and I recognise it is absolutely the right choice (from the local schools) for him. He’s really happy there.

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