Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

So sad about my school choice

106 replies

Feelingsad9878 · 20/12/2021 12:06

I live local to two schools, one of which I went to as a child. I picked the other school for my children because I stupidly listened to people saying the other local is a better school etc . In hindsight it is not any better and I feel my children would have been a lot happier in the other school and I have so many happy memories of my days in that school. My daughter askes me what school I went to and it breaks my heart when I tell her, it makes me so sad that she doesn't go there, wearing that little uniform which is still exactly the same as what I had when I went to that school.

Everyday when I see them in their uniform I feel so sad. I feel like I've let them down and I'm so down about it. It would have been lovely for them to go to the same school as I went to, my daughter especially would have been so happy to know I went to the same school as her and I know that school would have been a way better school for them.

I made the wrong choice and I'm so sad.

OP posts:

Hadjab · 20/12/2021 13:16

With the greatest of respect to you, @Feelingsad9878, you were at that school, what, 20, 30 odd years ago? Despite your lingering sense of nostalgia, that is not the same school you went to. Sure the buildings may be the same, but it’s changed, because everything changes over the course of time. If your kids are truly unhappy, then request a transfer, but you should bear in mind that your children are separate entities to you, with their own thoughts and emotions - let them create their own memories, in their own environment.

Babynames2 · 20/12/2021 13:18

Are you sure you don’t just think it would suit them better as you liked it there? Your children may have had a different experience. I had the opportunity to send my DD to my old primary school, I chose not to as I sent her to the primary school which had a better performance.

They would have a totally different experience there than you did. I’d left my primary school nearly 20 years before there are 3 members of staff that are still there but the rest are different. Obviously all of the other students are different as well, and your daughter isn’t you.

imnotacelebritygetmeoutofhere · 20/12/2021 13:20

You need to let it go, OP, and focus on the positives of your DC’s school. Otherwise you are going to prevent your DC from forming happy memories about their own school experience - they will grow up believing that their school isn’t good enough as the one in your mind.

drawhander · 20/12/2021 13:20

Feeling sad about something so trivial is a total waste of energy

3g4g5g · 20/12/2021 13:21

You made your decision based on what you thought was best for them at the time, so don't beat yourself up about it. You had their best interests at heart. If they are not happy where they are , or you are sure that they would do better at the school you went to , then fill in an in-year application. But you must think with your head and not your heart. I don't think a ' I just feel that my daughter would be happier going to the same school that I went to' is a good basis to apply for a school.

Tiramesu · 20/12/2021 13:21

they're really not going to be at school forever, it goes quickly. I would move on, you're projecting your childhood onto theirs, but it seems like your are moping about excessively

Ohmybod · 20/12/2021 13:30

With the best will have n the world, get a grip! You don’t actually mention if your children are happy. Your post is all about you and your feelings. If they are happy, accept things as they are and move on.

Ohmybod · 20/12/2021 13:30

Best will in the world ^^

CatJumperTwat · 20/12/2021 13:32

[quote Feelingsad9878]@12RedskyThisNight they are getting on OK but I feel the other school is a lot more suited for them.
Feeling sad because they are not going to your own childhood school (not even a possibility for the vast majority of people)
I know this and it makes me more sad that I had this opportunity that many do not have and I didn't take it [/quote]
It's not an "opportunity" that normal people would consider a bonus. Your reaction here is very strange and worth getting to the bottom of.

Greenrubber · 20/12/2021 13:36

Ffs the school won't be the same as when you were there

Get over it

Cocomarine · 20/12/2021 13:36

Bonkers reasoning. Has a slight hint of my mother about it, who likes to make herself the centre of all things.

You said their school has turned out not to be “any better” - so, not any worse either.

Why do you say they’d be better at your old school?

Why did you choose based on someone else’s opinion in the first place?

LondonJax · 20/12/2021 13:37

If you genuinely feel they'd be happier and learn more at the other school then move them.

But just moving them because of your happy days there is madness.

Firstly, as others have said, any teachers you had fond memories of may have long since left. And, let's be honest, happy or miserable days at school are often down to the teachers and your group of friends. I hated my secondary school in year 8 as a physics teacher was absolutely awful. By year 10 I was having the time of my life as my teachers had changed and I was in a good group of mates.

And, secondly, bear in mind that your kids are not you. We've got friends who had to move one child as they really didn't adjust to the school whilst the other one begged to stay!

godmum56 · 20/12/2021 13:38

@ftw163532

With respect, I think you need to get a grip. You're being completely irrational.

Your desire to relive your own childhood memories should not determine the opportunities your children have.

Your heart is "breaking" because your daughter isn't a mini-you wearing the school uniform you did? Why?

The school you went to only exists in the past. They wouldn't have the experience you had there - they are different people and it will be a different place now.

Is there something else going on in your life causing you to fixate on reliving the past like this?

this....get a grip

OMG12 · 20/12/2021 13:44

This is one of the most bizarre things I’ve read on here. How do you know the other school would have been better, tbh it sounds like you’re trying to relive your childhood vicariously through your children.

This is their life. The only thing that matter is are they content in their school, are they doing ok both emotionally and educationally.

Please don’t mention your old school to them apart from oh I went to x school a long time ago, it’s probably totally different now but here are my memories.

You seriously need to disentangle now.

Onatree · 20/12/2021 13:46

[quote Feelingsad9878]@12RedskyThisNight they are getting on OK but I feel the other school is a lot more suited for them.
Feeling sad because they are not going to your own childhood school (not even a possibility for the vast majority of people)
I know this and it makes me more sad that I had this opportunity that many do not have and I didn't take it [/quote]
Absolutely baffling. How is it an “opportunity” to send your children to the same school you went to? At best it is a coincidence?

My kids go to school - let’s see - 2 continents away from where I went to school - and THAT I see as me seeking wonderful new opportunities away from where I was born. By choice. Not necessity.

Trying to think, how on Earth me staying behind in country of origin and city of origin and sending my next generation to the exact same school in the same postcode would be an “opportunity”. Nope.

On the whole your post is very strange. Do you have other things in your life to focus on and find happiness in?

Diana8 · 20/12/2021 13:47

School change. The school I went to was a selective state grammar school. It has long been a comprehensive but rides off it's old reputation. It is riddled with hard drugs and criminal behaviour and I would not advise anyone send their kids there - but they do! Because they went there!

murasaki · 20/12/2021 13:54

Oh god, my mum is doing this re my niece. Mum went there, my sisters and I went there, and niece has passed the exam. However she has also passed for somewhere that used not to be great, but now is much better, and Sis thinks will be a better fit for her personally - she's a quirky kid, and school 1 is an exam factory and school 2 seems to be a bit more holistic in its approach. Mum's all about the 3rd generation thing, but Sis is going to be the one paying, and it's her kid so she knows her best. Very tiresome. Fortunately Sis will make the choice in conjunction with niece, as she had no input herself into attending exam factory (worked for me, but not so well for Sis). She is very keen that niece is happy.

ufucoffee · 20/12/2021 13:54

The school you went to will have had many changes since you were there. You have the option of applying to move them so do that if you want to.

Bubblty · 20/12/2021 14:04

I know someone who sent their kids to their old school and they don't shut up about it to the kids. The kids get told oh yes in my day this teacher/this room etc all the time. If you're going to do this then it's best not to send your kids to your own school. Let them have their own memories.

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 20/12/2021 14:05

VerbenaGirl · 20/12/2021 14:07

Schools change so much over that period of time. Maybe request a visit, saying that you are considering moving there, and see how you feel once you are in the school and meet the staff. It may resolve the issue for you. Or make you resolute and you can talk to them about the likelihood of places in the right years and get yourself on a waiting list if necessary.

Corbally · 20/12/2021 14:08

@ftw163532

With respect, I think you need to get a grip. You're being completely irrational.

Your desire to relive your own childhood memories should not determine the opportunities your children have.

Your heart is "breaking" because your daughter isn't a mini-you wearing the school uniform you did? Why?

The school you went to only exists in the past. They wouldn't have the experience you had there - they are different people and it will be a different place now.

Is there something else going on in your life causing you to fixate on reliving the past like this?

This. If your children are actually unhappy at their school, then research where you might move them to, but leave your own nostalgia out of it.

ittakes2 · 20/12/2021 14:11

Please read your post...you say nothing about 'your' school being good or having better pastoral care or academic grades. Just you went there...what 10, 15, 20 years ago? Schools change. Give your head a wobble.

Inchagoill · 20/12/2021 14:12

@Feelingsad9878
I do understand your nostalgia and don't think it is weird as some are suggesting.

I would caution though that if your kids go there, it will be a different school to how it was, different staff, possibly updated buildings, different rules, different atmosphere - your memories and fondness may well be changed.

My children go to the same schools their Dad went to and it is very different to his day. What is sadder is that, due to my daughter's needs not being met and having to battle the school, there is now a somewhat bitter taste in our mouths which take away from the fond memories and vision of a second generation at the school (no other option for us in any case).

I would entirely focus on what is best for your children and whether they have settled and made fast friends at their current school. Also, if you think the other school may suit them better - talk to other parents, visit the school, talk to the head, and make sure it is how you think it is rather than what you remember it as being.

Bloodypunkrockers · 20/12/2021 14:12

What opportunities did you get from your school OP?

What a very odd thread

Flip

1 2 3 4 5