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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So sad about my school choice

106 replies

Feelingsad9878 · 20/12/2021 12:06

I live local to two schools, one of which I went to as a child. I picked the other school for my children because I stupidly listened to people saying the other local is a better school etc . In hindsight it is not any better and I feel my children would have been a lot happier in the other school and I have so many happy memories of my days in that school. My daughter askes me what school I went to and it breaks my heart when I tell her, it makes me so sad that she doesn't go there, wearing that little uniform which is still exactly the same as what I had when I went to that school.

Everyday when I see them in their uniform I feel so sad. I feel like I've let them down and I'm so down about it. It would have been lovely for them to go to the same school as I went to, my daughter especially would have been so happy to know I went to the same school as her and I know that school would have been a way better school for them.

I made the wrong choice and I'm so sad.

OP posts:
XmasElf10 · 20/12/2021 12:40

I live in the village I grew up in and send my kids to the school 1 village along (not the one I attended). It's fine. I am pretty sure nothing in the village school is the same. The teachers all retired. My kids are happy with their school. I think YABU.

Blueroses99 · 20/12/2021 12:41

[quote Feelingsad9878]@12RedskyThisNight they are getting on OK but I feel the other school is a lot more suited for them.
Feeling sad because they are not going to your own childhood school (not even a possibility for the vast majority of people)
I know this and it makes me more sad that I had this opportunity that many do not have and I didn't take it Sad[/quote]
In what way would your school be better suited? If there are logical reasons rather than emotional, move them if you can.

lunar1 · 20/12/2021 12:42

Please don't move your children because of your nostalgia. You made a decision and unless there are serious issues that can't be resolved (for your DC,not you) then they need to stay put.

TheHoptimist · 20/12/2021 12:44

@StucklnAMuumuuCantGetOutOflt

Apply for an in-year transfer/managed move. Vote with your feet.
They dont need a managed move!
cherryonthecakes · 20/12/2021 12:45

If you're confident that it's better, get on the waiting list.

Thecurtainsofdestiny · 20/12/2021 12:48

I went to the same school as my mother. It made no difference to me.

potoforchids · 20/12/2021 12:49

Op this is ridiculous, you haven't said anything that suggests the other school is better for them other than the fact that you went there.

They are not eligible for a managed move Confused

Merryoldgoat · 20/12/2021 12:53

Why would you even think this mattered? Honestly I understand being wound up by trivial issues but this is next-level nonsense.

Lanareyrey · 20/12/2021 12:58

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way OP. It’s really difficult when things don’t go to plan with school. I completely understand how you must be feeling, and I too am going through the same thing. I pulled my kids out of a good school to attend the local primary school which I absolutely hate. I have no words of advice to give, but for me the kids are happy and that’s all that matters? Hopefully yours are to?

Greensmoothie1 · 20/12/2021 12:58

How old are your dc? Are they happy? Do they have friends and are they doing well in lessons? Your old school will probably be nothing like how you remember. I wouldn’t move your dc unless they’re anxious about going to school.

WakeUpLockie · 20/12/2021 12:58

They’re having their own childhood, OP, not reliving yours. Lovely that you had such a nice upbringing though, I do get wanting your kids to have the same experience. But its good for them to have their own little lives that they experience for themselves. With covid I’ve only been inside DS’ school about 3x in 3 years, it’s his own world.

GoodnightGrandma · 20/12/2021 13:01

I agree that this is their experience. Even if they went to your school they wouldn’t get the same experience as you had.
If they’re happy and doing well, leave them there.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 20/12/2021 13:03

Nicely,
Pull yourself together!
My eldest 2 dds went to the same primary as me. Youngest went to a different school because it was actually netter
In many situations you have to choose between 2 alternatives. You can NEVER know if it's the right choice. Your dd may have gone to your old school, had a horrible teacher or not made friends.
Critical in primary school.
Does my kid like their teacher?
Does the teacher like my kid?
Do they have friends?

cansu · 20/12/2021 13:03

How different can the two schools be? Your kids are doing fine it seems so why would you think the other school would be better? Your only experience of this school is twenty years ago! The school will not in any sense be the same. You are also remembering it as a child. Your feelings seem very extreme on this. To be feeling sad and down about this is really odd.

SlashBeef · 20/12/2021 13:04

This is very odd.

blameless · 20/12/2021 13:06

An interesting point of view. I didn't want my child to attend the same school as me as it's the other end of town. However, I was persuaded by someone I'd been at primary school with who had a child the same age.
Daughter ultimately hated it for her own reasons and the old schoolfriend had a windfall after two terms and switched her child to a private prep school.
The great thing (imho) is the absence of direct comparisons whereby they might feel that their experience is a pale imitation of your own. Let them build their own memories.

HotPenguin · 20/12/2021 13:06

It's ok to feel nostalgic but you need to let your kids live their own lives rather than making them repeat your life or do the things you wish you did. So I suggest you embrace the new school - unless they are unhappy or not thriving in which case move them. But move them for their sake, not because of nostalgia for a school that's probably completely changed now anyway.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/12/2021 13:07

@WakeUpLockie

They’re having their own childhood, OP, not reliving yours. Lovely that you had such a nice upbringing though, I do get wanting your kids to have the same experience. But its good for them to have their own little lives that they experience for themselves. With covid I’ve only been inside DS’ school about 3x in 3 years, it’s his own world.
This. As you feel so strongly, it is perhaps better they’re living their childhoods.
DeepaBeesKit · 20/12/2021 13:07

OP your child has their own identity. Let them be their own person and enjoy and be proud of their own school.

It will all be very different to when you attended, trust me.

Ski4130 · 20/12/2021 13:09

Apply for an in year admission place for your children. Problem solved.

thedefinitionofmadness · 20/12/2021 13:11

presumably you went to that school 20+ years ago?
your experience there was to do with: the teachers, the ethos the school had at the time, your classmates, the shape and structure of the education system at the time. only the bricks and mortar are the same (and maybe not only that)
its fine to be sentimental, but so long as your children are happy where they are there is no value - at all - to attending the same school as your parents

hivemindneeded · 20/12/2021 13:11

Sorry OP but you are choosing to feel sad about something there is zero reason to feel sad about. If they went to a terrible school, or were unhappy there, then I'd understand. But this is unnecessary.

And tbh, it would drive them mad to constantly hear: 'Oh but when I went there, we always...' Or 'Don't they do this/that/the other any more?'

Let them live their childhood, not relive yours. It's good that they have their own, separate experience.

Sweettruelies · 20/12/2021 13:11

I actually was in the same boat as you. I live near my old primary school and probably could have sent my son there as they do accept out of catchment, although our catchment is another school. Like you, I had really fond memories of my school days.

I went to look round at my old school and HATED it. The head teacher seemed ineffectual and disinterested and it all seemed run down. There were no staff the same as when I had been there so it was now a completely different school. I sent my son to our catchment school and he loves it - no regrets!

NiceTwin · 20/12/2021 13:12

Unless your children have attended both schools, you can't possibly say they would be better off at your childhood school.

Runningupthecurtains · 20/12/2021 13:13

Are there problems with the school they are at? Are they happy there? Why do you think the other school would be a better choice? Are there any actual reasons e.g. the school they are at is much bigger/smaller. Even if you are very young and there hasn't been a change of head etc the school will have changed because the rules, curriculum etc have changed. Even if you DC had gone to 'your' school from day one they would not have your memories, your experiences. It's easy to look back at our carefree, happy childhood and think everything was perfect but your DC are having their childhood and nothing you have said indicates that they are not having a lovely time.