kids know what their bodies need to eat, better than their parents do- hmm

[me4real]

Someone said this on a binge eating forum I'm on.

'You knew how to eat intuitively when you were little. Binge eating has taken over intuitive eating. So you just need to remember what you already knew.'

I don't have kids but AIBU to think this unlikely? She said that kids will eat what their body needs of something, then stop. I think parents have to tell kids what to have or they'd eat just treats or something and not stop till they're obese.

She says her daughter will eat some ice cream (on holiday- which implies she's not allowed it the rest of the time maybe?) but never finish it. She pushed it away and said 'I had enough.' I wonder if her kid has picked up some anxieties about food or weight from her mum. (Unless she'd eaten loads beforehand maybe.)

I know every kid is different though, I suppose.

YABU- kids intuitively know what their body needs to eat and will eat only those things and stop when they should stop. We need to recapture that as adults.

YANBU- she's wrong, kids eat what they want to eat, unless they have food issues or something.

I'm not saying an intuitive eating style isn't potentially helpful for some people.

I'm just questioning the claim that kids eat intuitively and are the experts in how much of something they need, and we should be like them.

Not sure really, my son was allergic to dairy and he used to stuff himself full with milk.

My nephew is intolerant to gluten but he would live of wheat bread and pasta alone if you left him to decide what to eat.

I can't pick either of those because it has nothing to do with a kid pushing away ice cream

She says her daughter will eat some ice cream (on holiday- which implies she's not allowed it the rest of the time maybe?) but never finish it. She pushed it away and said 'I had enough.' I wonder if her kid has picked up some anxieties about food or weight from her mum. (Unless she'd eaten loads beforehand maybe.)

No it doesn't necessarily imply she's not allowed it the rest of the time and no, having enough ice cream and deciding she doesn't want any more, has nothing to do with her mum's anxieties about food or weight. She just didn't want any more ice cream

Kids obviously don't know what their bodies need to eat because they're too young to lean science.

But they do know when they've had enough, just like the little girl who pushed her ice cream away.

My toddler wanders around eating random stuff he finds on the ground. Or would if I let him.

He’s completely unprincipled and almost random in what he chooses to eat at any one time. He’d live entirely off bananas and blueberries if he could. He often throws food on the ground. And then tries to eat it when he’s down there (before I can clean it up).

He thinks the exact same food on my plate is much more delicious than the food on his plate.

I’m not sure we should be trying to emulate toddlers in our eating habits.

I think if you don’t make certain foods into a big deal, then kids will sort of see all foods as equal. So, if you don’t always make pudding then reward or make certain food into ‘treats’, they have less value and can be taken or left more easily. My 2yo DD has certainly pushed away cake or similar when she’s had enough. Unfortunately, we live in a culture that presents certain foods as special, so I think it’s difficult to sustain that kind of attitude. I do try to encourage my children to take a moment to check in with their bodies before they have second helpings.

But they do know when they've had enough, just like the little girl who pushed her ice cream away.

@WorraLiberty IDK. I think a lot of them would get fat given the opportunity to just eat what they wanted.

Ellyn Satter division of responsibility is basically this. You decide what and when, they decide how much/if they want to eat it.

And actually...this bit here...

"She pushed it away and said 'I had enough.' I wonder if her kid has picked up some anxieties about food or weight from her mum. (Unless she'd eaten loads beforehand maybe.)

I'd say you're possibly the one with food issues if you think someone would only not want to finish their ice cream because they'd had loads beforehand.

Many people stop eating because they've had enough, not because they've had what you consider to be 'loads'.

Although the division of responsibility still has parents choosing what food is provided, so not ice cream all day. But I think children can often self regulate appetite when fed a healthy diet. Not necessarily over one meal in isolation but in the overall scheme of things.

@me4real

But they do know when they've had enough, just like the little girl who pushed her ice cream away.

@WorraLiberty IDK. I think a lot of them would get fat given the opportunity to just eat what they wanted.

Do you mean 'what' they wanted or the amount they wanted?

Because if it's the amount (which is what I was talking about) then I disagree.

Parents seem to keep offering more food to their kids because the adult feels the child hasn't had enough.

Children tend to listen to their own bodies. Parents not so much unfortunately.

@Starcaller

Although the division of responsibility still has parents choosing what food is provided, so not ice cream all day. But I think children can often self regulate appetite when fed a healthy diet. Not necessarily over one meal in isolation but in the overall scheme of things.

Kids are great at self regulating.

I think if you don’t make certain foods into a big deal, then kids will sort of see all foods as equal. So, if you don’t always make pudding then reward or make certain food into ‘treats’, they have less value and can be taken or left more easily. My 2yo DD has certainly pushed away cake or similar when she’s had enough. Unfortunately, we live in a culture that presents certain foods as special, so I think it’s difficult to sustain that kind of attitude. I do try to encourage my children to take a moment to check in with their bodies before they have second helpings.

@Foldinthecheese Those are really good and interesting points. But fatty, salty, and/or sugary foods are more appealing to us. So you can make them less special/'naughty' but our systems naturally enjoy them more than blander foods.

They're designed to be tasty.

It's also the hunter-gatherer in us that if it sees high-cal food wants to eat it because it doesn't know where its next meal is coming from (I think I do get that a bit less now I eat more regularly/sensibly, though.)

I have one child who would waste away if left to their own devices, one who would be the size of a house.

Both would subsist entirely on McDs and sweets should they be given the choice.

Absolutely don’t buy the idea that either of them intuitively know what and how much they need to eat.

And actually...this bit here...

"She pushed it away and said 'I had enough.' I wonder if her kid has picked up some anxieties about food or weight from her mum. (Unless she'd eaten loads beforehand maybe.) I'd say you're possibly the one with food issues if you think someone would only not want to finish their ice cream because they'd had loads beforehand. Many people stop eating because they've had enough, not because they've had what you consider to be 'loads'.

@WorraLiberty I think you're misinterpreting what I'm saying, IDK. I meant that kids would tend to naturally like 'treat' foods as they're pleasant to the taste buds.. They will tend to finish it unless they're absolutely stuffed already.

But I don't have children.

Kids are great at self regulating.

I'dve thought one of the main things of being a kid is that they have poor impulse control and are more likely to do/eat things they want whether it's good for them or not than an adult.

There's a difference between knowing to eat the "right foods" in the "right" amounts and knowing when you feel full and stopping, regardless of what the food is.

I am very overweight and have been my entire life because I have a difficult relationship with food. As a child I was always taught to "Clean your plate" and that has definitely had an impact on meals. Even now when I am trying to be more conscious of the food I eat/portion sizes etc I still struggle with the idea of leaving food on my plate, even if it makes me feel physically sick to think about eating another mouthful.

I am currently waiting for weight loss surgery and as part of that I have to see a dietician and nutritionist, and the biggest thing for me is being conscious of my body telling me it is full - whether I'm eating salad or ice cream, when my body tells me I am full that is when I stop, even though my instinct is to keep going if my plate isn't empty. On the flip side of that, I have also been working on the principle that you don't always have to feel "full" - just because four slices of toast would make you feel full, doesn't mean you have to eat four slices. You can eat two slices, if that is enough to sate your hunger, without any obligation to eat the other two just to make yourself feel full.

Every child will have an occasion when they eat so many sweets that they make themselves sick and on other occasions they will refuse to eat more than a mouthful of ice cream because they are learning self regulation and bodily autonomy. Every day is different - there isn't a specific formula of "X amount of food is the right amount" but "X amount of food is the point at which I feel full right now ... I don't want any more on this occasion" or "There is X amount of food available but actually I only want Y amount right now, and that is enough."

It probably depends on the child. But no, all kids would not just eat all of something they like until they were sick or something. Perhaps some would, but not all.

I suspect that they would all choose to eat their favourite foods though, who wouldn't if you didn't know the consequences? That is something different to being able to recognise when you are full.

Some kids are good at self regulating with food. My daughter (4) will regularly leave food on her plate, even if it is something she really likes. She has been known to leave half a cake/ Ice cream/Mcdonalds because she was full. It is baffling to me as I'm not like that at all but she knows when she has had enough.

What she is not good at regulating would be the type of food. Given a free choice of food she would eat her fill of fish fingers and no vegetables. So I think (some) kids are good at knowing how much food they need, but not necessarily what type of food.

@DockOTheBay DS is exactly the same - he can definitely regulate quantity, but given the option would eat nothing but pasta pesto and crisps. The actual amount he eats varies loads - some days he will eat three massive bowls of rice for tea, sometimes he will eat half a sandwich then get bored and wander off.

I don’t think he’d get fat, but given unlimited freedom to choose his own food he might well get scurvy!

I don't think this is about the type of food. It's about over eating.

In my experience really little kids, don't over eat. They stop wh we n they're full, or before they're full because they're bored or don't like the food. I'm not too sure when kids start over eating but they do do it in childhood (cram a load of ice cream, sweets etc down then at parties and throw up) , but infants don't do this, so I think this is what the post is getting at.

Tbh I only think children learn intuitive eating if they are brought up to follow the division of responsibility method - as someone said upthread, the adults decide what and when they eat, and children decide how much they want.

Lots of people in recovery from BED talk on and on about intuitive eating and how it's what our bodies are 'used to' but I don't think that's true and I think actual intuitive eating is really difficult unless you have always had a healthy relationship with food (I also have BED, and intuitive eating just does not work!).

Totally agree OP, it just depends on the kid, same as some adults over eat and some don't. Even some babies over eat breast milk, some are drinking all day and are massive, others drink less and are smaller.

And as for the idea that kids would think vegetables taste as nice as chocolate if only you give or don't give them in the right way, no. We have evolved to prefer the taste of sugar and fat, because it served us well over the million years to do so. Only in the past 50 years has it come back to bite us.

I think the idea comes from our desire to make things simple and explain things in one easy sentence. "We are all perfectly in tune with our bodies as babies, if we just get back in touch with that all our problems will be solved". Unfortunately when it comes to diets, weight management and eating disorders, it's way more complicated than that. And the bottom line is there aren't any perfect explanations or solutions.

I think it’s true actually. Both of mine have never eaten 3 full meals as toddlers. My second will generally eat one meal very well, eat ok for another by by dinner doesn’t each much at all. It has taken quite a lot of effort to try not to get annoyed/encourage her to eat more but it’s just natural appetite rather than fussiness. Mine have both eaten loads after spells of illness/growth spurts so they do have periods of eating more and we just roll with it.

My 5yo has needed most of this term to learn how to regulate at parties as a novelty post lockdown. She went bonkers at a few of them but I’ve noticed she has calmed down a lot and will now pick a mixture of healthy and sweet and just takes far less.

“You knew how to eat intuitively when you were little. Binge eating has taken over intuitive eating. So you just need to remember what you already knew.”

If this is what they are saying it sounds like you might be arguing they’re making a different point from what they are actually saying here.
The group was discussing binge eating. In my experience the vast majority of kids don’t binge eat, in that they’ll eat until they are satiated at a meal and leave what they don’t want.
We fuck that up by insisting they clear their plate and eat all of their dinner, disregarding the fact that appetites fluctuate.

Don’t think my son would leave much ice cream, to be fair, but he only gets a small amount. I know he does leave sweets once he’s had a couple.

I do think it’s natural to stop eating when full but we override that so by the time we’re adults we just ignore or don’t even recognise those signals any more.

I kind of get what she’s saying but I don’t think it’s necessarily true that all kids will always know how much they need to eat.

I do think there are huge problems with kids being told they need to eat xyz, so having to eat all your dinner etc. For me I’ve always just presented the food and they eat what they want. I don’t find any of mine gorge themselves.

It doesn’t sound like the person was suggesting kids should have unlimited access to junk food, more that they should just be supported to eat as much as they like and not pressured to eat more.

Sorry - meant to also say - it seems you’re conflating that with an argument that children will specifically intuitively pick what they are supposed to eat.
Except that’s not the argument being made.
The statement merely suggests that children generally only eat as much of their meal / snack as they feel they need.
It doesn’t mean anyone is (or should be) giving a kid carte blanche to design their daily menu