kids know what their bodies need to eat, better than their parents do- hmm

[me4real]

Someone said this on a binge eating forum I'm on.

'You knew how to eat intuitively when you were little. Binge eating has taken over intuitive eating. So you just need to remember what you already knew.'

I don't have kids but AIBU to think this unlikely? She said that kids will eat what their body needs of something, then stop. I think parents have to tell kids what to have or they'd eat just treats or something and not stop till they're obese.

She says her daughter will eat some ice cream (on holiday- which implies she's not allowed it the rest of the time maybe?) but never finish it. She pushed it away and said 'I had enough.' I wonder if her kid has picked up some anxieties about food or weight from her mum. (Unless she'd eaten loads beforehand maybe.)

I know every kid is different though, I suppose.

YABU- kids intuitively know what their body needs to eat and will eat only those things and stop when they should stop. We need to recapture that as adults.

YANBU- she's wrong, kids eat what they want to eat, unless they have food issues or something.

I'm not saying an intuitive eating style isn't potentially helpful for some people.

I'm just questioning the claim that kids eat intuitively and are the experts in how much of something they need, and we should be like them.

@miltonj

I don't think this is about the type of food. It's about over eating.

In my experience really little kids, don't over eat. They stop wh we n they're full, or before they're full because they're bored or don't like the food. I'm not too sure when kids start over eating but they do do it in childhood (cram a load of ice cream, sweets etc down then at parties and throw up) , but infants don't do this, so I think this is what the post is getting at.

My DD ate so much she vomited or had stomach pain a good few times when very young, I'm talking between the ages of say 12 and 18 months. So I'm not sure infants can always self-regulate amounts either. After that we started to limit amounts on occasion because we didn't want it to keep happening and her getting unwell. Perhaps this isn't typical though, we wouldn't know, she's our first DC and pretty much always had food issues ever since the beginning of weaning. She's 3.5 now and being investigated for faltering growth and meal times can feel tortuous.

I think like many things it really depends on the kid.

DS definitely self regulates in terms of amount, though not type. When he's full, he'll stop eating, regardless of what it is (yes, including ice cream!). However he wouldn't be inclined to pick broccoli over a biscuit, so that's where we come in.

His cousin won't eat, and when he does, will only eat from a very specific and limited list (of rubbish incidentally. That kid exists on air- though he does grow and he has lots of energy and does well at school... so maybe in a way he does self regulate as he clearly gets what he needs?

Then DS' friend will finish everything on her plate and then want more- she's a bit overweight actually and doesn't seem to self regulate. Her parents have to work hard manage without her feeling restricted or like she has a "problem".

If children were good at self regulating they would not have epic meltdowns.

I've learned that I, as the adult need to decide how much of each food group is on the table at any of the dinner stages. The child has some autonomy and gets to decide which of those limited options it wants and how much.

Anything else is asking for trouble. One of mine would eat only white rice and head for ice cream every single meal time, given half a chance.

The other would eat only tomatoes and apples.

If this is what they are saying it sounds like you might be arguing they’re making a different point from what they are actually saying here.
The group was discussing binge eating. In my experience the vast majority of kids don’t binge eat, in that they’ll eat until they are satiated at a meal and leave what they don’t want.

Exactly this ^

Intuitive eating isn’t kids choosing not to eat McDonalds for every meal because it’s not healthy, or not having dairy because they’re intolerant. It means knowing when they’re hungry and stopping when they’re full.

Ofc if I told a 5 year old to chose their dinner without my guidance they probably wouldn’t pick the right stuff but if I asked if they was hungry/full they’d know.

I think she was probably trying to make the point in terms of stopping when full.
For the vast majority of children this is true up to a certain age.
Then they get pressure to clean their plate, or just have one more bite, or certain foods are termed a treat and turned into a special thing and then by the time you're an adult you no longer self regulate.

What you're saying about kids choosing the right foods can happen but much less often than the natural self regulation of appetite.

I agree with PPs that children regulate how much they eat, but not the quality of what they eat. I think it’s the parents who encourage children to eat past being full, clearing their plates for example (I do encourage mine to clear his plate).
With all the talk of childhood obesity I’ve only ever really noticed one overweight child in my DC’s school amongst hundreds of children, I think it would be a lot more common if they all ate and ate past the hunger stage.

I think children are unique, some are good at self regulation and others are not. It also depends on age and experience.

I learnt that if I rush ds1 he could over eat from a very young age. So it was important to give him adequate time to finish his food. I never had this problem with ds2 or toddler ds3. But they are slow eaters.

I would actually say this is true in my case - my children are 3 and 5. They love sweets but my ds will, for example, stop eating his dinner halfway because he says he is getting full and wants to have pudding! Their appetite does seem to fluctuate a lot as well and usually correlates with a grown spurt. Obviously there are lots of obese children so this clearly doesn't always remain the case, not sure when and why it changes though.

My kid is 10. I am slightly overweight. She was underweight following a long period of illness as a younger child and has finally reached the very bottom of the range of healthy weight for her height / age.
Left to her own devices her choices of what type of food to eat wouldn’t be great. She’s a bit of a veg dodger. However she doesn’t over eat and will turn down even her most favourite desert if she’s full.

My niece is autistic and wouldn’t eat unless she was pushed into it. She seems to feel no hunger.
My nephew would eat all day every day if we didn’t restrict access to food - fatty and sugary things. He is plump despite family efforts and no free access to the biscuit tub.

I think different kids, like different adults, have different relationships with food and there is no one size fits all.

I think DD (4) probably does eat a lot more intuitively than I do, actually. The amount she eats varies greatly from day to day, and not necessarily linked to what’s being offered - so I don’t mean she eats loads if it’s chips and nothing if it’s vegetables. But where DH and I will eat 3 meals of about the same amount each day out of habit, DD clearly has days she feels hungrier than others and eats accordingly.

If all you feed them is crap, then yeah they'll eat crap. But if you provide good quality, nutritionally balanced food at all meal times then they'll eat when hungry and stop when full. DH does most our cooking and he's not great at it so it's very simple food but the kids eat it. We put dessert out at the same time so there's no hierachy to food and I'll often find they eat veg, then egg, then yogurt, back to egg, fruit, toast, cheese then veg. They'll only eat until they are full. I never say "one more spoonful" or say they have to X before they leave the table.

I think it's fairly true when offered a fairly healthy, balanced diet.
We have pudding available most days, and the kids will accept or reject, but not masses of processed food.
Put on a party spread, and they will probably eat too much junk, but then only eat a small amount of the next meal.

I think if you don’t make certain foods into a big deal, then kids will sort of see all foods as equal.

This just doesn't work for all children. I never made a big deal over sweeter food, yet my eldest loves it regardless - he is like me. My daughter will leave a pudding if not hungry - she's like my husband.

Human beings evolved in a climate where there was not constant access to unlimited calories. We've evolved to enjoy sweet & rich food as containing much needed calories, both sugar for energy and fat to meet our bodies needs. For many periods of history the greedy people who ate these things when they were available might have stood a better chance at surviving through the leaner periods.

It takes a lot of restraint to live in our modern world where food is plentiful and sugar in particular is everywhere.

@CactusLemonSpice

It probably depends on the child. But no, all kids would not just eat all of something they like until they were sick or something. Perhaps some would, but not all.

I suspect that they would all choose to eat their favourite foods though, who wouldn't if you didn't know the consequences? That is something different to being able to recognise when you are full.

This has summed it up exactly in a nutshell. In short every child is different.

My kids are good at self regulation in that if they are full, they push all types of food away. They would probably choose to eat pizza and chips for every meal given the chance, so this where I come in and sway them towards a different meal I they had that yesterday etc.

My 6YO has recently become vegetarian of his own vocation and I'm shocked by some people's responses about 'allowing' him to be veggie. I'm not going to force a child who doesn't like something to sit there and eat it, just because I think he should. He's not using it as the opportunity to be a picky eater and has been able to eat the same as the rest of the family with some easy substitutions, so I don't see the issue.

I think sometimes good because another way that parents who think they know best use to control their kids. PiL used to moan that DH never ate anything. They never seemed to acknowledge that their cooking is absolutely disgusting and their vegetables were like pureed baby food. No wonder he didn't want to eat it! I don't want to eat their vile food as an adult.

My 4 year old is very good at only eating until she’s full so she often won’t finish even sweet food because she’s full but left to her own devices she wouldn’t make the healthy choices and I think we often ruin Childrens ability to know when they’re full or even hungry by making them finish meals and giving them with a snack constantly

We put dessert out at the same time so there's no hierachy to food and I'll often find they eat veg, then egg, then yogurt, back to egg, fruit, toast, cheese then veg

Are you classing yoghurt/fruit as "dessert" though? Those in reality don't contain a great deal of sugar/calories so our bodies don't immediately recognise them as a source of bumper energy.

The challenge in my opinion is if there's a sweeter, carb based "proper" pudding available.

If there was a sweet full fat cake made with sugar on the table, would your children eat veg, egg, cake, back to the egg, toast, fruit etc? Or would they eat the cake first.

I think it depends on the child. My dd would push away If he was full. My dd would plough on even if she then regretted it.

DS1 has always hated anything dairy, in any form, even laced with sugar. He also suffers with eczema. I've often wondered if there's a link.

He doesn't really enjoy food but won't stop unless he has to for sweets etc

DS1 has always loved his food, will eat anything and sees food as a treat (unlike DS2). He does know when he's had enough and will stop, even when it's his favourite.

Depends on the child (much as it depends on the adult...). DD self regulates beautifully - regularly refuses treats or pudding as full. DS on the other hand, would eat forever without stopping, and never turns down any type of food. They are not tiny now, but have always been the same.

Depends on the child. Children aren’t a monolithic group, same as adults.

The human instinct is to eat as much high calorie, easily digestible food as possible, because for most of our evolutionary history that kind of food was hard to find. There's no such thing as food "intuition" that would lead to healthy eating habits in our modern society.

I used to eat what "my body wanted" - surprise, I was overweight and full of stuff it turned out I was sensitive and allergic to.

We're lucky that we can use the thinking parts of our brain to make conscious decisions about micronutrients and calorie limits. Calling it "intuition" is a weird combo of Woo, virtue signalling and paleo-fantasy.

My younger DD (8yo)needs guidance on sensible portions at times. Complicated by not liking potatoes in most forms (especially chips) and being funny about bread so other stuff like vegetables and protein she needs more to compensate.
DD1 (10yo) would not eat enough if left completely to her own devices. On holiday at the moment so restaurant portions so asks us for minimum amounts she needs to eat at a meal! She cannake a pack of sweets last several days, puts half a chocolate bar in the fridge for later etc. Thankfully her Yr6 screening has shown her in the healthy category (15th percentile).

Rainbow mash bang on.

I don’t think kids would necessarily self regulate in terms of what they eat - most would pick chocolate over tomatoes regardless of what their bodies needed. But I do think young kids are good at regulating their own appetites. However much he loves a thing he’s eating, my son will leave it if he gets full. I think a lot of the messages we pass on as adults can interfere with that. Telling kids they can only have dessert if they finish their main meal reaches them to ignore when they’re full. Teaching them they’re only allowed ice cream on special occasions teaches them that it’s a scarce and valuable resource and they need to eat as much as they can when it is available. Teaching them that cookies are unhealthy and broccoli is healthy makes cookies something they want and broccoli something they don’t want.

We’re trying to follow my son’s lead on this. He’s still a baby so no way of telling if it’s working yet, but for example we don’t call things healthy / food for you / treats / etc. We try to describe food in neutral terms for what it does - ‘cookies give you energy’ / ‘yellow foods like peppers help your body heal cuts’ etc, and when we have sweet things they’re presented at the same time as the main meal without comment, so it’s not a case of a sweet thing being a ‘reward’ for eating the healthy thing.

Who knows if this is all just hopeless naivety in the face of eventual sugar addiction, but I hope it will lay some groundwork in giving him a more neutral / positive relationship with food.

All that says is that her DC doesn't like as much ice cream as she buys.
One of my DC is not that keen on puddings. When he was small he'd often want a pudding if we were out, but only have a small amount. It was so regular that I used to make sure he ordered a pudding that I liked and not order one for me as I knew I'd get most of his.
However he's quite capable of filling up on other junk.

One if my other DC would out of choice have oy ate chocolate and tinned sweetcorn at that age.