kids know what their bodies need to eat, better than their parents do- hmm

[me4real]

Someone said this on a binge eating forum I'm on.

'You knew how to eat intuitively when you were little. Binge eating has taken over intuitive eating. So you just need to remember what you already knew.'

I don't have kids but AIBU to think this unlikely? She said that kids will eat what their body needs of something, then stop. I think parents have to tell kids what to have or they'd eat just treats or something and not stop till they're obese.

She says her daughter will eat some ice cream (on holiday- which implies she's not allowed it the rest of the time maybe?) but never finish it. She pushed it away and said 'I had enough.' I wonder if her kid has picked up some anxieties about food or weight from her mum. (Unless she'd eaten loads beforehand maybe.)

I know every kid is different though, I suppose.

YABU- kids intuitively know what their body needs to eat and will eat only those things and stop when they should stop. We need to recapture that as adults.

YANBU- she's wrong, kids eat what they want to eat, unless they have food issues or something.

I'm not saying an intuitive eating style isn't potentially helpful for some people.

I'm just questioning the claim that kids eat intuitively and are the experts in how much of something they need, and we should be like them.

DD (6) will often stop halfway through a piece of cake or an ice cream if she is full. She's very skinny and very active. We don't have particular food anxieties and all "sweet" limits are phrased around tooth health not weight.

However she has some healthy eating propaganda from school (low fat, low sugar old fashioned stuff) which does not necessarily apply to her (BMI around 5th centile, still in an extra extra long age 3-4 skirt - she's tall despite basically disappearing when she turns sideways).

DS(3) is much more keen to keep eating.

We did Baby-led-weaning with DD and we never pushed food into her like some parents I saw at baby/toddler groups who kind of force-fed because they were under the impression that the child needs a certain amount of it even if the baby utterly disagreed.

We also never had the "clear you plate" policy and always allowed DD to take her own food or if we plated we gave her an amount similar to a previous meals and sometimes she finished, sometimes she wanted more, sometimes she didn't eat all.

Forced weaning and strict food rules are known as one of the issue people have with food later in life.

I found that during growth spurs DD would crave carbs and fat. So in my opinion there is a. certain "their body knows what it needs" but on the other hand parents are there to teach about food and what kind of food does what in your body. Same with sometimes not liking a dish you would normally eat. That's what adults are allowed to do, the same should go for children.

We nver kept sweets or junk. food as a precious treat, it's part of the food pyramid and therefore available. It's onto the parents to set restrictions if necessary. Again, sometimes DD needs them, sometimes she craves sweets once a months like I do (she is a teen now and periods are fun in the house).

I can't choose between your choices as I don't agree with either.

I think we do need to encourage kids ot listen to their bodies.
Feed them a broad and varied diet, encourage them to try and taste new things, ans encourage them to stop eating when full. I have never done the 'clean your plate' thing, or the 'you can have pudding when you have finished your main course' either.

Good and healthy relationships with food need encouraging.

But modern food with high fat and sugar content is physically attratcive, we desire more of it. So if that is available, then all humans tend to eat more of it.

Interestingly though, my first dc had very little sugary/sweet stuff in his first 2 -3 years. Partly due to where we were living overseas. He still has quite a savoury tooth. My youngest had loads of sugary stuff for various reasons, and she still has a veyr sweet tooth.

So I do think some it taught.

But overall, kids will pick up the emotional queues round food veyr quickly.
and wrt to the ice cream. I have a sweet tooth, love cakes and chocolate, but I have never liked ice cream much, and would have been the one pushing my bowl away even as a small child.

Why are nore children under 5 already obese than ever before?

Given the choice many kids would never touch a vegetable with out parental persuasion.

Lots of sweets and processed foods simply were never made before recent generations. These products are manufactured to be somewhat addictive and to make you want more.

Yes and no.

My toddlers graze all day. By far a better idea than eating fewer, much large meals. This allows for lots of fruit and veg and less bloating.

BUT they would eat rubbish all day if left to their own devices.

But I do kind of agree that kids prioritise food much less than playing and exploring so when eating instinctively, probably consume less and more spaced out.

@RedToothBrush

Why are nore children under 5 already obese than ever before?

Given the choice many kids would never touch a vegetable with out parental persuasion.

Lots of sweets and processed foods simply were never made before recent generations. These products are manufactured to be somewhat addictive and to make you want more.

Very few under 5s have access to their own food. They can't meal plan, shop, cook or portion their own food.

So actually, infant and young child obesity is down to parenting, not the children themselves. Parents can, and should, say no to unhealthy food/portions.

My kids can push sweet things away and say they've had enough and they LOVE sweet stuff, they know that it makes them feel sick if they carry on after the 'enough' feeling happens.

The thread is about ability to self regulate.

So how does your point work if kids can self regulate?

You are merely supporting my point.

I have 12 yr old twins and they have free rein to eat sweets/chocolate/biscuits etc if they want. I don’t put restrictions on what they have.

At meal times I have never enforced a clean plate policy nor have I withheld pudding if they didn’t eat every scrap of dinner. At times I’ve asked them if maybe they could manage three more mouthfuls, for example. Sometimes they’ll say yes, and other times they’ll say no. Either is fine.

Their attitude to food is incredibly balanced. They’ll indulge in sweet stuff or crisps if the mood takes them but not every day. They eat healthy home-cooked dinners well. If they’re halfway through dinner, a pudding or a chocolate bar, if they’re full they will stop eating. They’re both a healthy weight.

I should also add they’re both autistic so sensory difficulties etc. food touching etc, we’ve had to work very hard over the years to cultivate a relaxed attitude to eating. But it’s worked and I think a large part of it has been allowing my DC to be guided by how they feel.

I actually wish I had the self control they had over food!!

Our approach to food might not work for other kids, but it’s turned out really well for us. I don’t often get to celebrate a parenting win 😂😂😂

While I don’t think either of my DCs would choose the healthiest food - they’d both probably go for creamy pasta over something more balanced - they are both very good at knowing when they’re full. Both have been know to leave a single forkful or pasta of half a cupcake because they’ve had enough food.

I don’t think that’s so unusual? And I think that’s probably what the person on the forum was trying to say.

Whereas I would always eat the pasta or cupcake - full or not! I don’t listen to my body’s cues in the same way.

Dd1 is very controlled re eating - will open a packet of biscuits, have 2 then walk away. Dd2&3 rarely finish a slice of cake but dd2 is constantly wanting food and would binge if I let her. All dc are different but Dd1 would slot into the listening to her body. She doesn’t love food so she’s not ruled by it… I go through life meal to meal!

My 2 and 4yo are both very good at self-regulating amounts of food. If I let them have free reign on what food they chose, I would not expect it to end well, but certainly quantities, yes YABU. Sometimes my son will ask for a second helping of pasta, then eat every bit of the second bowl except a single pasta shape. I find it quite remarkable because I don't know any adults who wouldn't just force in the last piece to clear their plate. And yes both of them have left some ice cream or cake because they're full.

I see it as my job to choose the what and their job to choose the how much. We've never encouraged either of them to finish their plate and hopefully they will retain some of the ability to self-regulate into adulthood.

My DC (age 12 to 16) have always had free access to the fridge and the cupboards and I only stop them having a snack if it's nearly time for a meal.

I cook healthy meals, but they're never made to finish their plate (or even "have one more bite" etc).

They are all very slim and very good at regulating their food intake.

I don't think all kids are like this, but some are.

So actually, infant and young child obesity is down to parenting, not the children themselves. Parents can, and should, say no to unhealthy food/portions.

yes I agree with this.
The whole concept of self regualting does assume that they have access to a wide variety of foods.
SEN aside, pretty much all kids will eat a good balanced diet if presented with it from day 1.
The non veg eaters are usually ones who have not been offered veg from babyhood

Sugar and refined carbs are horribly moreish. If we can eliminate or restrict these from the diet then eating intuitively is far easier.

I think it depends a lot on the kids - mine would 100% get scurvy if left to choose what to eat, but will stop eating even “treat” food like ice cream when full. I like to think this is because of all the breastfeeding and baby-led weaning plus not being restrictive about treats but really I think it’s just them.

At my DDs last birthday party I noticed that the kids ranged from the ones who ate a couple of bites of party food then wanted to get back to playing straight away, to one in particular who packed away a phenomenal amount. But from that sample of 15, most of them chose more snacks than they could eat and were happy to leave what they didn’t want.

I don't think there is a universal rule on this that can be applied to all children. I wouldn't assume a child who pushes away ice cream must have automatically ate loads earlier or has picked up on food anxiety when there is a wide range of other options and natural differences.

Feeling hungry or full is interoception, so like the sensory information of knowing when one needs sleep, so I'd guess most kids have some sense of it even if they don't always follow or understand it. Some kids will naturally follow internal cues better than others, everyone has their off days on this, and some will need more support & struggle with it more whether it's struggling by overeating when the option is available or not understanding that they're hungry. Some kids are more sensitive to certain flavours or get more pleasure or discomfort from certain foods.

I've had kids go through times on both sides of that, the not eating is one we've had advice from HCPs on - no anxiety, just would get distracted or want to do something else and didn't seem to get hunger cues so we had to ensure she was frequently cued to eat and had easy to eat options. I had one where we were still working on understanding hunger cues until, I want to say 7 or so though it was worst when she was 3-4 when yes, she was the kid who would push away treats because running around was much more fun.

Nope, definitely would not work in our house. When my DS was four we had a really good conversation around why people choose to be vegetarian. DS thought this was a very good idea as 1) he loves animals (good start), and 2) He could live on a diet of only chocolate (not quite so good).

My two are good on self regulating. They generally have good appetites that facilitate healthy growth patterns, but they do ebb and flow. Their desire for food fluctuates as their growth concertinas, they'll have a hungry phase then as their face shape softens, the appetite tails off then next week they're leggier than ever and their face is leaner again.

I've never made them clear their plates (indeed people comment that I will leave a bite or two on my plate when I've reached my limit and maintain a healthy weight) and if they are less hungry than usual my question is "Is your tummy happy?" and they don't tend to force food in because it's there.

At a buffet, they will put a modest amount on their plate then go up and down umpteen times. Better than piling a plate up from the start even if it doesn't change the quantity of food consumed in the end, plus those little bursts of movement are healthy and pace the appetite.
Admittedly DS (8) did unusually eat to queasy point at a Christmas party last week, but it was the first buffet he'd been to in 2 years since he was 6. There wasn't much savory on offer either.

I don’t know the science behind it but my own dc are very good at self regulating.
We’ve never done the finish what’s on your plate thing or made a big fuss around food, they will all stop when they’ve had enough, some days they eat more than others. All are healthy weights.

Lots of people in recovery from BED talk on and on about intuitive eating and how it's what our bodies are 'used to' but I don't think that's true and I think actual intuitive eating is really difficult unless you have always had a healthy relationship with food (I also have BED, and intuitive eating just does not work!).

@HippyMoon I pretty much agree with you on that, I just didn't want people to come on and defend IE and the thread become solely about that, when I mostly was wanting people's views on the 'kids as examples of how to eat' bit. One thing that maybe helps is amplifying that fullness cue/not getting as hungry, by drinking a lot of water, eating a lot of fibre etc.

@Bunnycat101 Going by the rest of the posts, I think it's down to luck what the child's natural tendency is maybe.

It doesn’t sound like the person was suggesting kids should have unlimited access to junk food, more that they should just be supported to eat as much as they like and not pressured to eat more.

@Kanaloa It's a group for adults who binge and how to stop themselves from bingeing now. She wasn't talking about how to help child development, but how adults can help themselves now/in the future. But I just thought it was an amusing point as experts in intuitive weight management is not what I think children are like (not that I'm an expert at all.)

Sorry - meant to also say - it seems you’re conflating that with an argument that children will specifically intuitively pick what they are supposed to eat.

@DropYourSword I wasn't necessarily doing that- I didn't think they could regulate the amount, especially of a 'treat' food. Choosing the right foods is obviously even less likely.

But from the thread it sounds like some can, some can't.

I thought that given access to the cupboard with the kitkats or other treats in for instance, those would vanish fairly quickly. But I suppose people with kids do tend to keep a few things in the house, and they don't need to lock it up.

@rainbowmash I don't particularly agree with the idea of 'intuitive eating.' The only reason I wrote a caveat about it in my OP is I was more about discussing her claim that kids are good at knowing when to stop eating high cal foods. So I didn't just want fans of IE coming on saying 'you're wrong, intuitive eating's great' as that's not what I was posting about with my OP.

One of my DC is not that keen on puddings. However he's quite capable of filling up on other junk.

@MargaretThursday Yes, junk is junk, what I thought would apply equally to savoury junk.

I didn't used to like the idea of calling some foods junk BTW, but recently I've been doing MyFitnessPal, and have realized there are a lot of processed foods with hardly any nutritional merit- they give us a lot of calories but it's not like it's hard to get calories in our world. For instance a jam doughnut has pretty much nothing but calories, compared to several pieces of fibre-high fruit or something.

I know food isn't just about nutrition though, it's also a social thing and /or for pleasure.

I can't choose between your choices as I don't agree with either. I think we do need to encourage kids ot listen to their bodies.

@steppemum My question wasn't about children and what parents should do with them. It was about whether it's true that kids naturally know when to stop with food.

and wrt to the ice cream. I have a sweet tooth, love cakes and chocolate, but I have never liked ice cream much, and would have been the one pushing my bowl away even as a small child.

Yes, that was just an example, obviously some people like some treats more than others.

Nope, definitely would not work in our house. When my DS was four we had a really good conversation around why people choose to be vegetarian. DS thought this was a very good idea as 1) he loves animals (good start), and 2) He could live on a diet of only chocolate (not quite so good).

@Brainwave89 I was a vegan for 6 months when I was 19. I mostly lived on chip shop chips.

My DD is nearly 4.

We did (mostly) baby led weaning but even when she was spoon fed she was allowed to push the spoon away without a fuss.

We do a grazing plate when she gets in from preschool. She eats, more or less, what she wants when she wants at home, we just restrict junk food coming into the house.

We have NEVER associated food with emotions, reward or punishment, this is an absolute rule, I had this done to me as a child to a massively damaging level and have always battled with emotionally eating, body image and weight issues. If I say she can have an ice-cream on a day out then I always follow through.

My DD is a healthy weight and much slimmer than several of her peers, she will push away the remains of a dessert if she is full (for me to Hoover up as my self regulation is well and truly f**ked).

So YABU OP it does work.

Children will usually stop eating when they feel full. I will carry on stuffing myself until I'm really uncomfortable sometimes because I'm greedy or I "don't want to waste it". Childlike self regulation would be better for me and my digestion! So I agree in that sense.

However one of my children is fussy and a snackaholic. She will eat tiny meals and claim to be "so full" but can put away seemingly unlimited biscuits and crisps if she gets her hands on them, long after any actual hunger must have dissipated. People who've seen her doing it have said "she must be hungry" (as she is slim but not underweight). No, she just likes unhealthy snacks! I've no objection to biscuits and crisps per se but eating them as the bulk of daily intake us not good self regulation.

I eat ‘intuitively’ as do my children. We all stop eating when we are full and never eat to excess. We are all slim. I try not to have too much processed food in the house and once it is gone it is gone. They are welcome to help themselves to food as they wish throughout the day except maybe an hour before mealtimes. They can eat as much or as little as they like at each meal. There is always the option to have pudding but they don’t always choose to eat it. Pudding can be anything from ice cream, to home made brownies, to yogurt and fruit.

I can’t relate to my friends who eat so much that they feel sick, I will always stop eating when I am just the right amount of full. I’m not sure if it is nurture or nature though.