kids know what their bodies need to eat, better than their parents do- hmm

[me4real]

Someone said this on a binge eating forum I'm on.

'You knew how to eat intuitively when you were little. Binge eating has taken over intuitive eating. So you just need to remember what you already knew.'

I don't have kids but AIBU to think this unlikely? She said that kids will eat what their body needs of something, then stop. I think parents have to tell kids what to have or they'd eat just treats or something and not stop till they're obese.

She says her daughter will eat some ice cream (on holiday- which implies she's not allowed it the rest of the time maybe?) but never finish it. She pushed it away and said 'I had enough.' I wonder if her kid has picked up some anxieties about food or weight from her mum. (Unless she'd eaten loads beforehand maybe.)

I know every kid is different though, I suppose.

YABU- kids intuitively know what their body needs to eat and will eat only those things and stop when they should stop. We need to recapture that as adults.

YANBU- she's wrong, kids eat what they want to eat, unless they have food issues or something.

I'm not saying an intuitive eating style isn't potentially helpful for some people.

I'm just questioning the claim that kids eat intuitively and are the experts in how much of something they need, and we should be like them.

Really depends on the child, OP. One DS has no sweet tooth at all, eats very healthily naturally, just has a palate that prefers veg, fruit, blah blah, more in winter, less in summer, likes water as a drink etc. Another DS would eat ice cream topped with sugar all day every day, and has been known twice to eat until literally sick. No difference in emphasising/shaming 'treat' foods or healthy foods, just a genetic thing from me and their dad.

Most of the kids I know eat only until they are satiated, and if we weren't in an obesogenic environment, it would mean most children were pretty healthy.

I didn't think they could regulate the amount, especially of a 'treat' food. Choosing the right foods is obviously even less likely.

But they can if given unlimited access to foods and brought up with no hierachy of good or bad food. DD is 3 for example. We've never given value to any food over and above another. At a buffet I can let her go wild because she will eat what her body needs and won't eat the "treat" stuff to excess, even when there is an unlimited amount. Yesterday we had a roast dinner with cherry pie and custard for dessert. DD ate loads of broccoli, carrots and potatoes and some custard. She could have had more of any of it, and chose more carrots. DS is 6 and society is already influencing his idea of "treat" foods. School insist on a certain amount of main meal eaten before they can leave the dining hall and I've noticed a big difference in how he views food because of it.

My dc don't have any restrictions around food and will frequently leave desert too. There's definitely no anxieties there but I guess I have inadvertently influenced a more savoury than sweet tooth because thats what I have so that's what I fed them when little. Never made cakes and puddings etc. Im sure they wouldn't eat exactly what they need if left to their own devices, I don't think that's a thing but they don't over eat. I've never forced them to finish a plate or say they can't have a treat until food is eaten so I let them self regulate in that way which seems to have paid off.

I think some do and some don’t. As kids I definitely over ate and all the wrong things, my sister didn’t. If my 2 my son will eat well when hungry, string preferences for fruit & veg, will stop half way through pudding and say he’s full can’t he save it for later- his sister would force herself to finish it

I would suggest that not calling certain types of food 'treats' would be a good start to trying to have a healthy attitude towards food.

Some people are better at self regulating, and I think some of that is genetic. But the people with the best attitudes towards food are generally the ones whose parents were the least obsessive about it.

You are more likely to stuff the whole ice cream down after you've finished if you see it as a rare 'treat' which won't come again. Whereas if you can put it back in the freezer and have it tomorrow, no big deal.

It depends on the kid. Some will self-regulate, others will gorge until they're stuffed. I think most kids self-regulate, but the ones that don't can be a nightmare to parent.

However, all parents do need to regulate re: the type of food their kids eat, as fatty/salty/sugary food appeals to our palates - it was a survival thing years ago, but now it's a liability for those in rich nations where junk food is plentiful and cheap.

There was quite a famous experiment done on this back in the 1930's.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1626509/

They follow their own body's messages about satiety when very young, then from three or four they start to follow digital cues instead about how much they should eat.

The type of food is largely led by social cues, they watch what adults eat and do the same.

@FOJN that’s an interesting study and is pretty similar to the way that I approach food with my children. They all seem to eat quite differently. One of mine always has a big breakfast and then picks at food throughout the day until bed time. Her favourite foods are fruit and salad veg. My middle child prefers three small meals and a couple of snacks, favourite food eggs, cheese and fruit. My oldest prefers lots of snacks and a giant dinner, favourite foods meat and potatoes.

My DD would eat all day none stop if I let her, my son on the other hand eats until he is full, but still has room for desert.
She is and isn't wrong. It isn't that kids know it intuitively and we forget as adults, it is that the stomach sends a message to the brain when we are full and some people just do not have this.
My DH will eat and eat and eat if he gets the chance because his stomach and his brain don't communicate, but he (just like my DD) has SEN. Me and my DS do not and eat until we are full.

@FOJN the bit that stood out for me was:

The foods she offered the children were varied, but all were generally thought to be healthy. Their intrinsic goodness meant that it would have been difficult for her small charges to veer too far from the nutritional straight-and-narrow.

That's almost impossible in modern society. Fair enough, if all you offer is healthy food choices, but the point many on this thread are making is that food manufacturers have created food that is too fatty, too salty, and too sugary, to appeal to children's dopamine receptors.

Really depends on the child, OP. One DS has no sweet tooth at all, eats very healthily naturally, just has a palate that prefers veg, fruit, blah blah, more in winter, less in summer, likes water as a drink etc. Another DS would eat ice cream topped with sugar all day every day, and has been known twice to eat until literally sick. No difference in emphasising/shaming 'treat' foods or healthy foods, just a genetic thing from me and their dad.

Most of the kids I know eat only until they are satiated, and if we weren't in an obesogenic environment, it would mean most children were pretty healthy.

@CharlotteMaytimes An obesogenic environment has town planning/activity elements but is mostly due to the availability of energy dense foods- fast food outlets etc.

So are you saying kids can regulate with normal foods and small amounts of treats, but not so much when they can access McDonalds, KFC etc (and if the parents buy a lot of multipacks or whatever I guess) ?

I would suggest that not calling certain types of food 'treats' would be a good start to trying to have a healthy attitude towards food.

@LittleGwyneth A consultant told me once that the worst thing you can do (as an adult at least, though I imagine it'd also affect children) is label a food as 'bad.' She said WW and SW do this, even though it's implicit. I think even calling something a 'red food' is kind of labelling it as bad due to red symbolizing stop in our culture, and things that are off limits.

We are supposed to have these foods only occasionally and in small amounts. And I suppose children would have to be in some way taught this.

My DH will eat and eat and eat if he gets the chance because his stomach and his brain don't communicate, but he (just like my DD) has SEN

@Snaketime That's interesting as I have some ADHD traits. But I know when I'm full maybe. It just doesn't stop me eating something if I'm enjoying it. It's poor impulse control, or so I thought, but eating regularly etc definitely helps a little.

One of mine always has a big breakfast and then picks at food throughout the day until bed time. Her favourite foods are fruit and salad veg. My middle child prefers three small meals and a couple of snacks, favourite food eggs, cheese and fruit. My oldest prefers lots of snacks and a giant dinner, favourite foods meat and potatoes.

@3WildOnes How do you cater to it all?

All kids are different, both to other kids and to themselves at different ages.

I would suggest that not calling certain types of food 'treats' would be a good start to trying to have a healthy attitude towards food.

@LittleGwyneth until I came on this website I never heard food being called "treats" The people I know who overindulge in particular foods just call the food by it's name e.g. biscuits, chocolate, crisps, ice cream, alcohol, bread. It does mean when any of them have decided to change their eating habits you know what to not offer them.

OP i think they would be correct to say that about kids if we lived in an environment where only natural and unprocessed foods were available. Foods like snacks and sweets have a addictive component to them, making self control difficult

I don't think this is true. My dau would eat and eat but I give her sensible portions of healthy food. Nursery gives seconds and thirds!!!!!!

It would depend on the child surely.

@me4real I don’t make different meals but they are welcome to choose which parts of a meal they eat or leave. They are welcome to help themselves to snacks throughout the day except just before a meal. I try not to have too much unhealthy food in the house.
So I made porridge for breakfast . My oldest didn’t want any so he just had an apple. Youngest had lots. Sometimes one of them will on pick at a meal, I just don’t stress about it. I’ve never made separate meals, but I will make a bowl of porridge or a plate of veg crudités, hummus and oat cakes for the little ones if they are hungry before bed.

intuitive eating
As soon as I hear someone advocate for that I know they’re about to spout some nonsense. Usually comes from people who use phrases like “healthy at any size”

De used to when she was about 3, thé she had a childminder who was an unrecovered anorexic who used to stuff her with chocolate. All changed

intuitive eating

As soon as I hear someone advocate for that I know they’re about to spout some nonsense. Usually comes from people who use phrases like “healthy at any size”

@MimiDaisy11 I kind of agree. There probably are ways people can tune into their hunger/fullness cues, but most people claiming to do IE are obese but making excuses not to do anything significant about it.

There’s good research supporting that this is true and it absolutely works. I am fat, my kids with whom we’ve gone entirely Ellyn Satter with are not. They do indeed turn down chocolate and ice cream in favour of grapes or broccoli sometimes, and sometimes they push away the dinner in favour of the pudding. I recently chucked most of their Easter chocolate away to make room for Halloween treats.

Self regulation is intrinsic to humans but it is affected by food scarcity and limits. ‘Portion control’ makes kids fat. Early feeding difficulties can have a similar effect. You see this in other mammals. My always well fed cat limits just fine, my cat starved as a kitten gorges to vomiting,
We know early malnutrition in children is linked to adult obesity. It may be why poverty and obesity go together.

The beliefs of diet culture are harmful to children. Children need regular, structured meals and snacks but no limits on quantities, no one try , no clean plates. This is how we support competent eating. Intuitive eating is indeed human nature and if you’re recovering from an eating disorder you might enjoy some Ellyn Satter, it’s warm, encouraging and evidence based and supports regaining your eating competence.

But then I feel this way about a lot of limits we apply to children and ourselves that are fear based.
If my kid doesn’t self soothe they’ll always be an awful sleeper
If I don’t limit screens, they’ll have a gaming addiction
If I don’t limit their portions they’ll get fat
Too many sweets they’ll be addicted to sugar.
It’s hard to eliminate fear based thinking because 99% of the time it’s just catastrophising. It limits joy in the very short years of your life.