My husband has 3 children prior to our marriage and we have just recently had our own child together.
We have been married almost 3 years now and over these few years have realised how much I am spending on things like almost everyday on snacks and sometimes toys, stationery and in-game purchases for Robux and Xbox. The 2 youngest always want to come to the shops with me so they can choose something as it seems and me being soft, I say yes.
I do not work as I look after the children, but husband does and as he is the breadwinner and the first 3 being his children, I feel like he should be paying these expenses. What if we were to break up and instead of saving what bits of money I can from benefits, I'm spending on children that aren't biologically mine who will obviously stay with their dad and I would be stuck trying to make ends meet for my little one. I feel as though I am spending my child benefit more on our other children when it is really meant for the youngest. It would be different had they not had their mum around or if I was actually earning, but she is so they have both a mother and father that can provide for them.
I have bought the majority of things for their rooms since we moved house and countless other things for the home. I have brought them Xbox games, clothes and many toys and things. And the thing that bugs me even more is I feel they don't respect what they have and take it for granted by leaving things lying around and their rooms are a mess - that is an understatement. I hate living in mess, it feels chaotic and miserable and have stopped tidying up their rooms as it drains me, but still find myself going in there once in a while as it just looks terrible and dislike the thought of them waking up to that. Now when they say they want something from the shops that is not edible, I say only when they tidy their rooms. But this feels wrong as I wouldn't be plying my daughter with gifts in return for her respect in tidying up after herself. I would expect our youngest daughter to tidy up once she is older and not do it for something in return or be rewarded with something other than praise at that age as I grew up a fairly clean and tidy person which I think should be the norm, but isn't? and want to raise her the same, sorry if this sounds cocky.
With Christmas around the corner, I have spent over £200 on things they have asked for. Is this something a lot of parents do as I remember when growing up, we just got what we were given and were grateful for that. I apologise for the long rant, this is my first post and have wanted to get these things off my chest for a while. Thank you.