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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has got his priorities wrong hasn’t he??

459 replies

didihearthatright123456 · 18/12/2021 10:26

We have nearly 3 year old twins. Before they arrived DH really enjoyed running, he still goes running but obviously the amount he can do it has reduced quite a lot due to family commitments.

He still goes to parkrun every Saturday. He’s just returned and all of his (older/childless/with grown up children) friends have asked him to go for a Xmas morning run at 9am. He’s expected to be out of the house for approximately 90 minutes.

I’ve said absolutely not, that it’s completely inappropriate with 2 toddlers to abandon us on such an special day, when they’ll be so excited about their presents.

He’s gone off in a total huff and now I’m the baddie 🤬

So AIBU to say no he can’t go and to get his bloody priorities right

OP posts:
icedcoffees · 18/12/2021 12:15

@Derbee

He’s a dick for even suggesting it
Why is he a dick for wanting a whole 90 minutes out of 12 hour to himself on Christmas Day? I really don't understand this mindset at all. Do people really think they have to spend the entire today in the same room together for it be a proper Christmas or something?

Would you say the same thing to a mother posting about wanting to go off for a nice long, hot bath while her husband entertained the children in his own home for a bit? I doubt it very much, somehow.

Original poster
didihearthatright123456 · 18/12/2021 12:16

@LampLighter414

You sound like hard work OP.

You have also ignored numerous questions about your plans for the day and whether you are hosting, being left to prepare Christmas Dinner, visiting family etc

2 hours out the house whilst the kids basically play with new toys and you watch some Christmas TV in the background isn't the worst thing and is not unreasonabke. 2 hours leaving you to do all food prep and greeting in laws who arrive at 10:30 is. He could pay you back with a break later in the day.

Lol aggressive much!

I’m not sure whether I mentioned before but I do have nearly 3 year old twins, so sitting on my phone all morning is akin to going for a run on Xmas day 😉

Ok to answer some questions

Yes normally is he very good, pulls his weight with the housework etc. He does all the food shopping and we share the ironing duties

When it comes to running it’s almost like a blind spot or his Achilles heel. He loses all perspective. He does very little childcare on his own, and when he does do it he feels stressed, so the idea of me just taking myself off on any weekend morning is not really an option.

He does go running on a regular basis, so it’s not like I stop him from doing everything he loves, I just don’t want him to go for 9am on Xmas morning

OP posts:
icedcoffees · 18/12/2021 12:18

@PigeonLittle

I'm imagining a world in which the majority of mothers of preschool children could just walk out of the house for near 2 hours on Christmas day, to take some time for themselves.

And go and find other Mums in similar circumstances to keep them company whilst they're out.

No, too much sci-fi for me to even consider.

Well, what's stopping them, exactly?

My mum often took herself off for a long bath on Christmas Morning with a book and glass of champagne. Nobody exploded and my Christmas Days weren't ruined as a child because I didn't spend every second with both of my parents!

Is this different because the dad is leaving the house? Or because he has a penis? Or because it involves one of those MN-hated "hobbies"? I genuinely don't understand the objection.

stalkersaga · 18/12/2021 12:18

Well, this thread has inspired me to check whether the nearest parkrun to my PIL is going on Christmas morning. It is, yay! So that's my plans sorted Grin

Mooda · 18/12/2021 12:18

Sounds fine to me, it's not like it's first thing when presumably you do presents or over lunchtime. I don't get this everyone has to be together all the time thing. I would find that suffocating personally.

RJnomore1 · 18/12/2021 12:18

I’m going against the majority but I think YABU. By 9 they will be up for hours, and probably ready for a nap. It’s far worse to suggest crack of dawn running at that age as they’ll be up at that time with excitement.

I’d send him off, make a cuppa, put the kids with their new toys or a Xmas film n chill until he came back. At which point obviously he pitches in with the rest of the day.

icedcoffees · 18/12/2021 12:19

When it comes to running it’s almost like a blind spot or his Achilles heel. He loses all perspective. He does very little childcare on his own, and when he does do it he feels stressed, so the idea of me just taking myself off on any weekend morning is not really an option.

So take the time anyway and let him feel stressed - he won't explode. There's no need to be a martyr - your DH is a grown man and is quite capable of looking after his kids for a few hours without help, I promise.

RJnomore1 · 18/12/2021 12:20

Oh and just to add - if being alone with his children stresses him, he needs to do it more to learn to cope.

Get out more.

AuntieStella · 18/12/2021 12:20

Maybe if you don't like the timing, see if he can push it a bit later or only do an hour

If it's parkrun, then he won't be able to.

How about he takes the DC? Do you still have a double that they fit in to? Then you get a bit of price and quiet to gird your loins before the next onslaught. Or you go as well, wave them off in to the distance as you walk round with the tail

AuntieStella · 18/12/2021 12:20

@RJnomore1

Oh and just to add - if being alone with his children stresses him, he needs to do it more to learn to cope.

Get out more.

Very true!!
Highfivemum · 18/12/2021 12:21

I would let him. Running is great for the mind and will do him good. I would suspect your dc will be playing with toys by then or prob if up early on a nap. Let him go. It is only an hour and a half.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 18/12/2021 12:22

@BridStar

Anyone who would go fucking running on Christmas morning when they've got toddlers at home is frankly heartless.

Who on earth priorities Parkrun strangers over their own wife and children?

You know exactly where you are in his priorities. Sounds like he can spend best Christmas alone in a bedsit with no family but all the Parkrun losers he wants.

Best bloody answer.

Stand your ground and remind d him this is an option if he removes himself from family life.

Bumpsadaisie · 18/12/2021 12:23

No. Not Xmas morning when you have little ones.

Beachbreak2411 · 18/12/2021 12:23

Let him go but crack on with your Christmas Day as normal and he’ll just miss it. Let it be his decision to not be there and then you can’t be painted as the bad person. Your children come first and if he wants to put himself first then let him but leave him under no illusion he will miss them opening their presents! (FWIW I had to wake my daughter up on Xmas day at that age)

icedcoffees · 18/12/2021 12:24

Stand your ground and remind d him this is an option if he removes himself from family life.

Oh, for God's sake.

Going out running for a couple of hours on Christmas Day really doesn't mean he's "prioritising strangers over his wife and children".

Is it just on MN that people have to spend the entire of any holiday glued to each others' sides? Because IRL everyone I know seems to do a mixture of family time, alone time, time with maybe one parent, children entertaining themselves etc.

oviraptor21 · 18/12/2021 12:26

Could he arrange with his mates to make it a Boxing Day run instead?
Regardless of children etc, some of the others may be getting grief from their families and may jump at the opportunity.
Or organise an additional run for those who can't make the Christmas Day run.

StormBaby · 18/12/2021 12:27

I would probably say “you can go for your run, then when you get back I’m off out for 90 minutes for a nice peaceful walk. Enjoy cooking the Christmas dinner and looking after the kids!”

oviraptor21 · 18/12/2021 12:28

And if he does go out on Christmas Day, make sure he's done a load of the pre-prep of Christmas Dinner on Christmas Eve so there is literally nothing for you to do bar minding the kids while he is out.

RJnomore1 · 18/12/2021 12:30

“Park run losers”

Lovely.

How pleasant.

StarryNightSky26 · 18/12/2021 12:31

Is it just on MN that people have to spend the entire of any holiday glued to each others' sides? Because IRL everyone I know seems to do a mixture of family time, alone time, time with maybe one parent, children entertaining themselves etc

This is a perfect description of an average weekend imo, not Christmas Day.

On Christmas Day neither dh or I would dream of buggering off for a couple of hours with our mates, whatever the reason.

Yes choosing to do so IS putting your mates ahead of your dc.

GotToGoBye · 18/12/2021 12:31

I’d assume they would have opened their presents by then. Doing some exercise with friends for 90 mins, doesn’t sound too unreasonable, sounds quite healthy!

AuntieStella · 18/12/2021 12:32

@oviraptor21

Could he arrange with his mates to make it a Boxing Day run instead? Regardless of children etc, some of the others may be getting grief from their families and may jump at the opportunity. Or organise an additional run for those who can't make the Christmas Day run.
That'll depend on whether it's a run with his mates, or that group all doing parkrun together (which the 9am start time does suggest)

If parkrun, then immoveable. But will definitely be a 5k, not morph into something longer

KatyRebecca84 · 18/12/2021 12:33

Yep total idiot

Marvellousmadness · 18/12/2021 12:33

It's only 90 minutes and your kids are only 3. Yabu

sadpapercourtesan · 18/12/2021 12:33

Ugh another overgrown child with selfishness running through him like Brighton through a stick of rock.

Tell him not to come back.