DH has got his priorities wrong hasn’t he??

[didihearthatright123456]

We have nearly 3 year old twins. Before they arrived DH really enjoyed running, he still goes running but obviously the amount he can do it has reduced quite a lot due to family commitments.

He still goes to parkrun every Saturday. He’s just returned and all of his (older/childless/with grown up children) friends have asked him to go for a Xmas morning run at 9am. He’s expected to be out of the house for approximately 90 minutes.

I’ve said absolutely not, that it’s completely inappropriate with 2 toddlers to abandon us on such an special day, when they’ll be so excited about their presents.

He’s gone off in a total huff and now I’m the baddie 🤬

So AIBU to say no he can’t go and to get his bloody priorities right

He’s not U for his preference, but being explicit about it is tactless and inconsiderate.

Can understand him preferring a social run to domestics etc - xmas with small DC was hard work IME - and his peers are offering something he’d find more fun. But it’s U to be grumpy because you don’t want him to go.

If he’s otherwise a great parent / partner - despite perhaps finding aspects or all of it hard at times - this is less of a big deal than if this is a pattern.

Sorry, missed the post where you said he does very little sole charge parenting: that’s shit.

There are four days over the Christmas weekend. Why on earth didn't they decide to run on Boxing Day, or either of the two bank holidays.

My DH wouldn't even dare to think of having Christmas Day doing things for himself, even now all ours are grown up. It's a family day, to do family things.

@tttigress

Mixed feelings, it can be a bit frustrating as an adult if you are theoretically "on holiday", yet you can literally not do one single thing that you genuinely want to do

Has he got any other events coming up? Maybe he could trade a run for a night out?

Why doesn't he genuinely want to see the excitement as the babies open their presents?Why isn'there one single thing that he wants to do with his children on Christmas Day?

By the time park run starts youll have unwrapped everything and the kids will be having a nap or you'll be desperate to get some fresh air and you can go and watch

It’s an hour and a half, why shouldn’t he go? YABU

It’s an hour and a half, why shouldn’t he go? YABU

Cos he hardly ever takes the kids by himself so why the.hell.should he go out and do everything he wants all the time when he doesn't ever return the favour

I think there can be a compromise here. As long as he makes himself available at the time when the presents get opened etc. and if you get all of that done at 9am, then I think it's fine for him to go. He goes every Saturday as a hobby. I'd rather compromise so that you both can be happy and have fun on Christmas day than insist that he stays and then he's just present in body and obviously upset that you made him miss his park run. I know it sounds absurd initially but on reflection, it really isn't too much to compromise.

There always used to be middle aged guys like this in my social group when I used to run regularly. They were desperate to tag onto Xmas and NYE runs (we were single, twenty somethings with no family around us) and we would always wonder wtf they were doing and feel sorry for their wives

What kind of parent puts a bloody run before their children on Christmas Day? If I were you I’d be very hurt that your DH thinks that would be ok and fucking raging that he is in a huff about it. What a selfish arsehole.

Some of you would have completely lost your shit with my dad. He used to spend Christmas Day morning playing golf. The deal was that he prepped all the vegetables on Christmas Eve.

God I'd peel a few carrots amd chop some.broccoli if someone else was happy to cook glaze and slice the ham, cook.3 different t stuffings make the roast potatoes , cook the turkey, wrap all the presents, do the shopping etc

Thats a pretty good deal I think.

@Blossomtoes

Some of you would have completely lost your shit with my dad. He used to spend Christmas Day morning playing golf. The deal was that he prepped all the vegetables on Christmas Eve.

Sorry to hear that your dad's a knob. Your poor mum.

It's not just a 'bloody run' though, is it? It's the Christmas celebration amongst his mates. It's a variant on going down to the pub for a swift one. It's not for the drink per se, it's for the company and the shared habits.

But he shouldn't be stiffing his DW with the shit end of toddler wrangling. If you can't find a suitable squid pro quo, then he shouldn't go.

I'd let him go, and I have twins (now 16) I'm gutted that Parkrun isn't on at my local one on Xmas day, I'd find another one but am not as I only have my 3 DCs on Xmas morning before they go to their dads, if they were with me I'd definitely go! I agree with other posters that at 3, they probably will have opened presents by 9! So they can play with them while you get to have some Prosecco in peace before he comes home and cooks you Christmas dinner!

@Glide where is the compromise for DH, he is doing exactly what he wants? Being there for present opening is not a compromise, it is what is expected of a decent parent

It's basically going out with his mates on Christmas morning. What a knob

@PinkSyCo

What kind of parent puts a bloody run before their children on Christmas Day? If I were you I’d be very hurt that your DH thinks that would be ok and fucking raging that he is in a huff about it. What a selfish arsehole.

I really can't grasp this way of thinking.

Why is taking a whole 90 minutes for yourself on Christmas Day "putting a run before your children"?

As a PP upthread said, I suspect the reason there are so many arguments and quarrels over Christmas is because everyone is all forced together and cooped up indoors for days on end with chance to get out alone and just breathe. I also don't think all the expectations of it being "quality family time that can never be interrupted at all costs" helps either.

Taking an hour or two of space for yourself is not selfish, ffs.

Absent for 90 minutes versus possible hours of being in a bad mood, I know what I’d pick. Presents will already have been opened and being played/destroyed. If food prep is required rope him in the day before and get some stuff done.

So how come it is ok for him to have 90 minutes to himself and not for OP, as he seems incapable of looking after the DC by himself

@NewPapaGuinea

Absent for 90 minutes versus possible hours of being in a bad mood, I know what I’d pick. Presents will already have been opened and being played/destroyed. If food prep is required rope him in the day before and get some stuff done.

Are you really standing up for men who punish their families emotionally for not getting their own way?

Fucking hell, the handmaidens are out in force today.

@toomuchlaundry

So how come it is ok for him to have 90 minutes to himself and not for OP, as he seems incapable of looking after the DC by himself

Well, if it were me, I'd be going out anyway and leaving him to it, not pandering to his whining and therefore not getting any time to myself.

OP is choosing to martyr herself by staying home all the time and not leaving her kids alone with her DH. That's nobody else's fault but hers.

And she's supoosed to enjoy herself knowing she's gonna get a phone call any minute or she's gonna come back to neglected kids ?

Hes responsible for his own actions its not her fault fgs.

Why is it always the womans fault when it's the guy who's being a dick

@icedcoffees I think you will find it is the man's fault for not parenting