DH has got his priorities wrong hasn’t he??

[didihearthatright123456]

We have nearly 3 year old twins. Before they arrived DH really enjoyed running, he still goes running but obviously the amount he can do it has reduced quite a lot due to family commitments.

He still goes to parkrun every Saturday. He’s just returned and all of his (older/childless/with grown up children) friends have asked him to go for a Xmas morning run at 9am. He’s expected to be out of the house for approximately 90 minutes.

I’ve said absolutely not, that it’s completely inappropriate with 2 toddlers to abandon us on such an special day, when they’ll be so excited about their presents.

He’s gone off in a total huff and now I’m the baddie 🤬

So AIBU to say no he can’t go and to get his bloody priorities right

Well done for standing up for your DC. My father did this every Christmas Day. He was out running for 2 hours. He also wouldn’t get out of bed before 9:30. The present opening and meal had to be fitted around his needs and wants. I still resent it!

He's an arse.

There is no need to compromise when one of you is being a selfish tit and the other one is going to be left with two massively excited three-year-olds, a room full or recently opened presents they want to show you and breakfast to clean up after and lunch to start getting reading. Plus all the excited calls from family who want to chat.

Boxing day mid-morning run would be my best offer, if he did bath on bed that day.

So you get to wrangle 2 kids and start the dinner off for 2 hours alone (90 min run and 30min to clean himself up) on Xmas day morning so he can go have a jolly…. Fuck that shit!!

Christmas day parkrun is for people who are free on Christmas morning or have teens asleep til noon and a partner who is happy to come along at least. Nip this in the bud

My comment to dh when he used to organise his life to his entire satisfaction and damn anyone else, was that I would leave it to his conscience whether he did what he wanted to or not. That put the onus on him. If he did what he wanted and it impacted us as a family, then he found that his life didn't run quite as smoothly for a bit.

Mixed feelings, it can be a bit frustrating as an adult if you are theoretically "on holiday", yet you can literally not do one single thing that you genuinely want to do

Why does not being able to go for a run on Christmas morning prevent OP's husband from doing anything else he wants to do? If anything, Boxing Day is a more logical day for a park run.

He does very little childcare on his own, and when he does do it he feels stressed, so the idea of me just taking myself off on any weekend morning is not really an option.

You need to start. This is ridiculous! And you're accommodating and enabling it. Practise makes perfect as they say. The more he does it the less stressful he'll find it.

He can go for a run and when he gets back you can go off for a peaceful stroll for a couple of hours.

I used to love a Christmas morning run. It’s so quiet, no traffic, and any other runners or dog walkers out are so friendly.

But for the last 8 years with young kids I’ve done Boxing Day morning instead. And also New Year’s Day park run which is at least as awesome as Xmas day if not more.

It’s not unreasonable for your dh to feel sad saying no to his running friends but if he’s a good guy he’ll rethink when he sees his kids faces on Xmas morning.

I wouldn't be happy either OP. How about he does his run at 4am? I'm surprised there are so many people that think this is fine. Iwould be giving g it side eye without kids but with 3 year old twins it's just selfish.

@FreakinFrankNFurter has the best idea. Buy him a double buggy he can run with, then on Xmas day and every weekend he can use that while you put your feet up; win, win!

YANBU OP. He's being selfish to want to do this on Christmas morning. Your DC will be incredibly excited for presents and the general hubbub of Christmas. For your DH to take 90 minutes (plus time to get his gear on and then shower etc afterwards) is not okay. Boxing Day morning wouldn't bother me at all. It's a far more relaxed day, giving you and DC the opportunity for a pj morning whilst DH goes and burns off energy and Christmas calories. It will feel far more refreshing to him too after the previous day's treats etc. FWIW, I love running too so I can understand his wanting to get out there in the fresh air but I wouldn't dream of leaving my DC on Christmas morning to do so.

So I am torn on this.

From my experience, children who are 3 and up understand Christmas, those under don't (even nearly 3 year olds - I have an early Feb DS - he didn't understand when he was 2 but totally got it when he was 3).

What time do they / you wake up? You might have got through your presents by 8:30.

If it was an actual parkrun, I would probably let him go, however, if it is a run with childless people, I would say no.

With the best will in the world, his childless mates just will have no idea of the extra work you have to do in your house.

If he does decide to go, you need to be really clear with him the jobs he has to do.

@ZenNudist

I voted YABU

9am you will be very lucky if you've only been up for 2 hours. I'd reckon 3 would be more like, or 4!!!

9am is a perfect time to go for a run. I'm not a runner myself but when I have run it's good to get it out of the way.

It would be nice to get some time for yourself too. Parenting young dc is hard. Making time to exercise is important.

Not the point of this thread, but I have four children aged 11 to 2, not once have I been up before 7am on Christmas morning

@Pipsquiggle

So I am torn on this.

From my experience, children who are 3 and up understand Christmas, those under don't (even nearly 3 year olds - I have an early Feb DS - he didn't understand when he was 2 but totally got it when he was 3).

What time do they / you wake up? You might have got through your presents by 8:30.

If it was an actual parkrun, I would probably let him go, however, if it is a run with childless people, I would say no.

With the best will in the world, his childless mates just will have no idea of the extra work you have to do in your house.

If he does decide to go, you need to be really clear with him the jobs he has to do.

So we are older parents, I’m 42 & DH is 50, so most friends do have children but most are grown up or at least in the teenage years where they probably won’t be up by the time they’re all back home 😂

RJnomore1

@logsonlogsoff that’s a great idea - they could all go cheer him on, the kids get out in the park for a wee bit too. A park fun will only take about 30 minutes of running so it would be ideal.‘

It’s not a park run though is not? It’s 2 hours with childless mates… doubt they want toddlers coming along

@mistermagpie

he pretty much asked my permission

Thereby placing you in the position of possibly having to say no. As so, so often: wife/female partner as project manager/CEO of family life (however unwillingly) and husband as stakeholder.

He shouldn’t even have asked, frankly, with kids those ages; no woman would dream of it.

But it's not just a 90 minute run either. He'll have to get ready and then no doubt get in the shower etc when he gets back!

Tell him that he can't go as he's looking after the kids whilst you leave the house and go and meet up with friends for a couple of hours on Christmas morning!

I think that is really shitty of him. He can go running any day of the year with his friends- I’m actually surprised they’re suggested Xmas day as I don’t know many people who would leave their families on Xmas morning. Why not Boxing Day or Christmas afternoon? I have a 5 and 2 year old and I doubt very much they’d be done by 9. We normally do stockings in bed, let them have a play before heading downstairs for main presents and breakfast. My 2yo knows exactly what is going on so your 3 year olds will be super excitable and I’m just shocked at someone choosing to bugger off on Christmas morning.

[quote Piglet89]@mistermagpie

he pretty much asked my permission

Thereby placing you in the position of possibly having to say no. As so, so often: wife/female partner as project manager/CEO of family life (however unwillingly) and husband as stakeholder.

He shouldn’t even have asked, frankly, with kids those ages; no woman would dream of it.[/quote]
Indeed. I'm not saying it's a good thing but at least he gave me the opportunity to have a say, a lot of my friends husbands just decide what they are doing and screw the rest of the family.

I actually can’t believe the guys getting slated for needing to put on clothes and having a wash 😂

@logsonlogsoff I had missed that however it’s not a two hour run, they’re talking five miles so about 45 minutes for an averagely ok runner. This thing keeps growing arms and legs, he’s going to be doing an ultramarathon by the end of the thread.

I do still think getting the kids outside is a grand idea mind you.

I can't believe the guy is not being universally slated as the lazy, selfish fucker he is, claiming to be too delicate EVER to look after his two children by himself. He's had three whole years to learn parenting FFS!

So out of all the days and nights they can go it has to be the one day there's an Xmas Dinner to prepare and over excited overtired young children to deal with?

Yeah they all just wanna fuck off and leave it to someone else to deal with then probably come home shower and fall asleep while the Xmas Dinner fairy wrangles turkeys amd twins.

Just cos it's a run not the pub doesn't make.it different.

If he's that composed go at 5am or wheb the kids nap or are in bed or something. Or better still do it boxing day. Or does that mean u have to actually help

Committed

90 mins on Christmas Day?? Seriously? He can one day off running

YANBU especially with your update. 20 mins each way, not parkrun so some will arrive late, 5 miles even at a decent speed is at least 40-45 minutes, then chatting at the end.

If he wants a run then he can go for a run at a convenient point in the day. If he sets out from home then he can be back in less than an hour.

DH and I are both intending to do parkrun this Christmas but DS is a teen so no magic being missed, and worried it will be cancelled if there's another lockdown so don't want to miss out. But when DS was younger, neither of us would have done what your DH is proposing.