To ask how important is your career

Original poster

LifeIsWhat · 16/12/2021 17:02

*partner - sorry for the typo...

OP posts:

catlovingdoctor · 16/12/2021 17:04

It's a big component of my life and identity. I think I do over-compensate with it for other things I lack and I hope in time my life becomes a bit more balanced.
Having said that, it is intrinsically satisfying and intellectually stimulating, and also rewarding in a broader sense. So I'm grateful for it.

malificent7 · 16/12/2021 17:04

A means to an end atm. I'd prob like it more of it wasn't for politics.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/12/2021 17:06

I've been quite successful, but my career doesn't mean a thing to me, honestly. I enjoy working but what I do doesn't define me, and it's not something I'm going to give a shit about in my golden years. The fact that my children have turned out to be amazing adults who I cherish is all the satisfaction I need. A job is just a job, no matter what that job is.

Thesechipsdontlie · 16/12/2021 17:09

Career was important but then for me, major life events meant I took a step back. Career really nose dived but I had no choice but to re-prioritise (cancer, bereavement, major surgery etc, not all in that order.) I don't regret putting the necessary things first but I do miss my career fwiw.

I sometimes see other mums who appear to be doing all the things and wonder if I'll ever get there, then I realise that my family are here, and they are happy, I am so grateful for life, I'm sure I'll work again later on.

Butchyrestingface · 16/12/2021 17:10

The thing is, I like my work, it gives me a sense of satisfaction, financial security, belonging and I am quite good at it. However, I also worried that I hide behind it to make up/ignore the other missing part of my life, for example, a patter, kids, family, which are also important but I am less capable of obtaining.

I definitely use my career to compensate and distract from all the other things in my life I've royally fucked up at.

On the other hand, it boosts my huge but fragile self-esteem not to be shite at absolutely everything, so it's a delicate balance.

Original poster

LifeIsWhat · 16/12/2021 17:20

@catlovingdoctor

It's a big component of my life and identity. I think I do over-compensate with it for other things I lack and I hope in time my life becomes a bit more balanced. Having said that, it is intrinsically satisfying and intellectually stimulating, and also rewarding in a broader sense. So I'm grateful for it.

"Intrinsically satisfying and intellectually stimulating"

OP posts:

whatamilookingfor · 16/12/2021 17:23

It's a big part of my identity. I've downgraded it sometimes and had maternity leaves but have felt very lost with out it.

whatamilookingfor · 16/12/2021 17:25

I have had times of hiding behind it to avoid relationships / family etc. Also it's probably the thing I'm best at (definitely better at it than parenting, relationships etc).

Original poster

LifeIsWhat · 16/12/2021 18:10

@whatamilookingfor

I have had times of hiding behind it to avoid relationships / family etc. Also it's probably the thing I'm best at (definitely better at it than parenting, relationships etc).

How did you stop hiding behind it and face the things (family etc.) you are trying to avoid?

OP posts:

whatamilookingfor · 16/12/2021 18:24

Well two things happened simultaneously. I had a bad year at work (tricky new bosses), and I was suffering from burn out. Probably related issues looking back. I had 6-12 months feeling crap.

Anyway, I disengaged a bit from work a bit threw myself into online dating and met my now husband. We married fairly quickly and had a baby which thrust me back into family.

But I kept working throughout, got a new job and re found my place in career ladder. Now I have a v senior job but don't do excessive hours because of DD. It's a stressful juggle but I do have better balance.

Original poster

LifeIsWhat · 16/12/2021 18:51

@whatamilookingfor

Well two things happened simultaneously. I had a bad year at work (tricky new bosses), and I was suffering from burn out. Probably related issues looking back. I had 6-12 months feeling crap.

Anyway, I disengaged a bit from work a bit threw myself into online dating and met my now husband. We married fairly quickly and had a baby which thrust me back into family.

But I kept working throughout, got a new job and re found my place in career ladder. Now I have a v senior job but don't do excessive hours because of DD. It's a stressful juggle but I do have better balance.

Thank you, this is very useful. Maybe I should slow down at work too and find time to work on boyfriend etc...

OP posts:

Elfonthesofa · 16/12/2021 18:58

I don't have a career. I have a job that I do to pay the bills and if I didn't have to, then I wouldn't work.

I 'enjoy' what I do (if you could say that). I see the value in what I do. I pride myself in doing my best and making sure something is done properly. But that being said, I don't go above and beyond after getting fucked over by a previous manager. I don't want to 'play the game' of office politics, sucking up to the boss, trying to progress my career. As soon as 5pm hits, I am done.

I have kids. I know people who died younger than me. As mentioned before, I got fucked over by a previous manager. I just don't see work as anything other than a means to an end now.

Footprintsinthegrass · 16/12/2021 19:06

Very low down on the priority list for me. I want money don't get e wrong but its way more important to my husband and I that I'm there to pick our children up and have plenty of time for them. Much happier doing a "lower" job which suits our family life

Bagelsandbrie · 16/12/2021 19:10

I think your views can change with time. When I was in my 20s my career was all that was important to me. I had my dd very young and was a single mum and was determined to work and earn a good salary. I used to get two buses to work every day and then the tube and used to drop dd off at nursery and collect her on the way back. I had a senior management position in marketing. But then towards the end of my 20s / early 30s I just got really disillusioned with it all. I wanted to be at home more and felt I was missing out on things. So I left London and moved to Norfolk and worked part time in a small local bakery (!) because that was all that was available at the time and I loved it! And then I met my now dh and I haven’t worked in 15 years and I don’t miss working AT ALL. Not one bit. But - if I hadn’t slogged my guts out for those initial years I wouldn’t have a mortgage free home and savings etc so I guess it’s all swings and roundabouts but on the whole having a career is not important to me at all, although I wouldn’t have said that if you’d asked me in my mid 20s ish.

DeepaBeesKit · 16/12/2021 19:12

I like my work but in an ideal world I would just do a couple of days a week and have more time with my children. My career used to be extremely important to my, now I just cant give it the headspace I did.

DeepaBeesKit · 16/12/2021 19:13

However, my kids are young, and I want to know I've got a decent career to go back to when they are a bit older.

bonetiredwithtwins · 16/12/2021 19:19

I was very ambitious and career driven in my 20s - my work colleagues were like a second family to me - then I wanted children and found it difficult to conceive and went through many losses. I love my industry, my job, I'm good at it, I happily work 5 days a week even with young children....but my career doesn't consume me like it used to. My boss is pushing to promote me...honestly I can't really be bothered....I was never like that 10 years ago!

No one ever had good employee on their headstone - there are more important things in life and a job you think you are indispensable at and valued in you could easily be made redundant from tomorrow. Never build a life round a career at the expense of other things

whatamilookingfor · 16/12/2021 19:21

@LifeIsWhat yes I would recommend it. Work is still the place I feel my best self, most content. But it's a bit of a worry to have all your eggs in one basket and life is short so worth experiencing more than one aspect.

SclepIntoChristmas · 16/12/2021 19:29

It doesn’t mean a lot to me now. I may be at a different time of my life to you though. I am now 52 and in my 20’s and 30’s I had a great, stressful, highly paid job. My DH has a good job so that helps.

As soon as I had my DC my career meant nothing to me. I was a SAHM for a while and now they are older I work 20 hours in a stress free job, that pays ok, not great. I work with nice people and I get good perks. The rest of the time I do things with my family and enjoy my hobbies. I’m 52.

Does your career stop you having balance in your life? I had to give up my job as it was 12 hours a day and not family friendly. All the other women I worked with were single and married to the job.

thepeopleversuswork · 16/12/2021 19:39

It's very important to me and yes I think I do sometimes use it to over-compensate for other things.

To be honest though I don't see this as a bad thing. Throughout my life my career has been something I can rely on for my self-esteem. Even if my relationships have been bad or I've been struggling with other areas of my life, I can always rely on the sense of pride I've got from doing the best job I can. And its always got me through.

I would not prioritise it over my child or close friends and I think its a problem if it starts to do this, but I have and would prioritise over a man and won't apologise for this. A good job done will never be a waste of time, sunk costs. It will always be good for your self-esteem and it will always pay you fairly.

There have been times in the past where partners/husbands have accused me of putting my career before them. To be honest, hindsight has proved that I was absolutely right to do this.

Worstyear2020 · 16/12/2021 19:41

I didn't think it was important to me until I was stuck at home for 10 years, took me 6 years to get close to where I was but now I am too old to progress in my field. I don't feel I have a career now although it is still classed as professional, feel more like a job to pay the bill, may be I am just bored with it. I still prefer to have a job title, I guess it's also my identity. I want to be a mum and a professional, set example to my children that they have to work for it, I don't want them to be financially dependent like I was.

Original poster

LifeIsWhat · 16/12/2021 19:42

@Bagelsandbrie

I think your views can change with time. When I was in my 20s my career was all that was important to me. I had my dd very young and was a single mum and was determined to work and earn a good salary. I used to get two buses to work every day and then the tube and used to drop dd off at nursery and collect her on the way back. I had a senior management position in marketing. But then towards the end of my 20s / early 30s I just got really disillusioned with it all. I wanted to be at home more and felt I was missing out on things. So I left London and moved to Norfolk and worked part time in a small local bakery (!) because that was all that was available at the time and I loved it! And then I met my now dh and I haven’t worked in 15 years and I don’t miss working AT ALL. Not one bit. But - if I hadn’t slogged my guts out for those initial years I wouldn’t have a mortgage free home and savings etc so I guess it’s all swings and roundabouts but on the whole having a career is not important to me at all, although I wouldn’t have said that if you’d asked me in my mid 20s ish.

Wow, such a lovely story. Was the decision move to Norfolk an easy one or it took a lot to courage to make?

OP posts:

pinksquash13 · 16/12/2021 19:48

I didn't expect to be career focused as a teen. I wanted to be a stay at home mum by the time i was 25. But I really enjoyed my job and progressed up the career ladder. As I became more senior, I enjoyed it more and wanted to learn / progress more. I married mid twenties and had my child at 31. I am still working in a senior position but part time. I am finding it a challenge, however lots of people told me my career wouldn't matter to me post children but that's honestly not been the case. If anything I want to achieve more to be a good role model and to earn money for experiences as she grows up. I definitely want to go back to full time working once child/ children older. I also want to ensure I have a decent pension.

IgneousRock · 16/12/2021 19:50

My career is an important part of my identity but so is the other part of me (husband and kids).