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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how important is your career

114 replies

LifeIsWhat · 16/12/2021 17:01

The thing is, I like my work, it gives me a sense of satisfaction, financial security, belonging and I am quite good at it. However, I also worried that I hide behind it to make up/ignore the other missing part of my life, for example, a patter, kids, family, which are also important but I am less capable of obtaining.

What is your experience and please share your thoughts and advice.
Thank you very much.

OP posts:

ftw163532 · 17/12/2021 23:50

@ChockaChick

I think I was probably the same when single. I’ve focused on different things at different times of my life which is surely true for most of us to some extent.

I was just thinking this reading through - our priorities can change. It would be tedious if everything was the same for a lifetime.

I don't think a change in priorities for a different phase of your life means it was wrong in the past to prioritise something that now takes a backseat.

Ibizafun · 17/12/2021 23:52

I just wasn't a career girl- ever. Worked when I had to to cover bills but my marriage and family are my life.

Original poster

LifeIsWhat · 18/12/2021 00:23

@SameToo

My job is hugely important to me. It’s my passion and I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. I’ve reduced my working week to 4 days since having a second child but I honestly couldn’t reduce any more than that because I’d miss it too much.

I love working.

You are really very lucky. Can I ask what do you do and why it is your passion? Maybe it can inspire other people. 😊

OP posts:

PR1CK · 18/12/2021 00:58

I didn't realise how important my career was to me until I lost it unexpectedly and suddenly. I felt as though I'd had my identity stolen. I felt lost, seriously and totally lost.

I was bloody good at my job and was definitely a woman in a man's world. I spent extra time and a lot of effort learning as much as possible after I had qualified.

I would be up and ready for work at 4am tomorrow/today if there was a way back.

I reckon I was compensating for how much I miss my children and grandchildren, who all love abroad; my bust important career filled that hole left in me from when my family all moved away.

Worked perfectly for me, until it didn't!!

How the fuck am I supposed to fill all those long lonely days?

PR1CK · 18/12/2021 01:02

On the other hand, it boosts my huge but fragile self-esteem not to be shite at absolutely everything, so it's a delicate balance

I could have written that about myself too!

RoseMartha · 18/12/2021 01:20

I dont have one. I have a job. It was meant to be temporary and almost seven years later I am still in it. It is mundane with fairly poor pay and no advancement prospects at all. I dislike it and its not what I want to do but it is convenient with my kids as one has SN as job very flexible when needed.

SameToo · 18/12/2021 03:03

@LifeIsWhat I work with animals

Tormundsbeard · 18/12/2021 03:46

I love my job, and always have. I am 56 now but in my 20s/30s I would always make a point of going out and meeting new people (drinks after work, parties at friends etc) and when I was 30 met DH. Married at 33, had DC at 35&37, took short maternity leaves and DH offered to be SAHC. Now DC are 18&20 and are on their own paths (Uni/working) and I still have my job I love and DH has work that he set up as DC got older. I think you can have both. The price is being super tired for quite a few years and not having much of a social life outside work/family.

Dating is obvs v different in 20’s to 90’s, not to mention the pandemic…
Thinking back to when I was single, I am glad I made the effort to keep meeting new people. I have always felt lucky to be in a career I love and am glad my DC grew up seeing me enjoy work.

LAgeDeRaisin · 18/12/2021 06:01

It's a huge part of my identity. I'm a doctor. My husband is a very high earner so my salary is pretty redundant but it's part of how I see myself and I feel an important part of society. It's not just a job to me- I'm a doctor out of work too. I've driven past a car crash before 3 times with no ambulance yet and stopped to help, treated a friend's child who became very ill. Most of my friends are medics and we talk a lot about the hospital. Sometimes it's hard because the job is hard and the hours are long but I work 75% part time (36 hours down from 48) to enable me to spend time with my young children. My husband really admires what I do and it makes me happy to hear how proud he is (when sadly I think some people expect his wife to be a SAHM) to say "my wife's a doctor".

worriedatthemoment · 18/12/2021 07:57

I work because I have too no other reason really if i won the lottery i would give up tomorrow. I like my job but i don't really have a career , mu kids have always come before a career which is right for me but may not be right for someone else . We are all differemt

KeranaCosmonauts · 18/12/2021 10:05

@LifeIsWhat

"But comparing to find love, career is much easier and give you fair return."

Not necessarily. Different things come easy (or not) to different people. For me it was easy to find a boyfriend, who became my husband, easy to agree to have children and conceive.
But my career progression has been hard going. Looking back I picked the wrong subject at uni, then went into the wrong industry. The pay isn't great and definitely not fair for the amount of work and stress we have. My progression has stagnated for the past few years, despite being good at my job and getting good performance reviews. I think I'm just the wrong "fit" for the industry culture.
For a while I felt really disillusioned, as I had been a top student at school and uni, and always expected I'd have a great career. I'm now changing career in my 30s. I've realised this is an area of my life I'll have to put extra effort into if I want to make it happen.

But some people find careers easy and finding love/having a family difficult. So if they want those things they have to go the extra mile to get them. You have to put yourself out there and be prepared for some disappointments along the way.

Namenic · 18/12/2021 10:14

I used to find my old job v stressful. I married fairly young and before me and DH got together we discussed priorities etc. we both value family time and work-life balance more than work. We would both be happy to be sahps - the ideal is for both of us to work PT. Since changing career, I have liked my job more - and find it harder to balance with family life - as I get absorbed in work and am a bit of a workaholic. Now on mat leave, and finding it hard to get into a new pattern with new addition to family. So I guess in answer - how important job is has changed in different seasons of life and is probably likely to change again as kids grow.

IloveRitaConnors · 18/12/2021 10:30

My career is part of who I am but it doesn't rule my life. I did 6 yrs of it and left to have a family, I didn't have to, many managed to balance both and I would have had the support of family and Husband, but for me It was one or the other.
I did other roles as the kids were growing, roles that were easier for me to balance with the kids. They're now older (12 & 14) and starting to get more independent, Husband now semi retired so I've gone back.
If I'd stayed my salary would have been 20-30 grand higher but life would have been harder so I suppose it's just what balance means to you.
Love being back though, don't think I would have forgiven myself if I hadn't gone back. Career for me though isn't about the money, status or promotion its about finding something that suits who I am and it does actually suit me down to the ground. It matches my personality, my beliefs everything.

BethAfra · 18/12/2021 10:47

When I started work, I had about 3 years when my job was the most important thing in my life, but then ExH and I got together and my career took a back seat. I abandoned my studies, gave up my job to be near him and then took dead end jobs because his career was "more important". Then I had kids and put them first, especially when ExH left - I was determined the kids weren't going to lose me to a job when he'd just walked out of their lives. I managed to scrape by on benefits and working the hours while they were at school and set up my own business. It limped along, though, and it's only now my kids have reached adulthood that I'm finally able to focus on the business. I'm still feeling the affects of the financial effect of not putting a career first though and now my parents are late 70s now though so I'm not sure how long it will be before it l need help them more. I've always believed family is more important than work. Yes, you have to work to sustain yourself but it shouldn't get in the way of family.

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