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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask where you meet professional men?

542 replies

InsideMyBed · 16/12/2021 14:25

To people that have professional dh with high earning careers (over 100k salary Shock).

Where did you meet them and how did you get together?

Wondering because apart from consultant doctors and dentists that I interact with in clinical settings only, I don’t think I ever come across men who earn over 100k salary.

I feel like most people I know earn £18,000 - £55,000 at the most. I’m sure a few might be on £60k but £100,000 a year Shock. That seems like so much money to me. I’m a university graduate and most jobs in my industry pay between £25,000 - £35,000 a year.

Where do you meet men who earn over £100k a year? Apart from doctors, dentists and barristers. I’m a bit jealous I will admit because these are the kinds of men I don’t even have access to much less share my life with one! BlushShock

OP posts:
ChocolateCakeYum · 16/12/2021 15:19

I met my husband through a shared sporting hobby.

He's a senior civil servant. I'm a writer / editor.

BridStar · 16/12/2021 15:19

It's definitely not on dating apps. Higher quality men don't need them.

Hobbies. Sports club. Strength sports, fitness places, martial arts. Hiking, climbing, mountain biking. Basically whatever professional high stress job types do at the weekend.

Easy if you're already into these things as you'll already be there anyway. But people can smell a faker a mile off.

WorraLiberty · 16/12/2021 15:19

The OP is literally the definition of a gold digger...

MichaelAndEagle · 16/12/2021 15:20

Just to echo, I think women with husbands earning this sort of money, either do or have potential to earn similar amounts and met each other at uni or in early years working in a similar field.

Thecatinhishat · 16/12/2021 15:21

@itwasntaparty I think you miss understood the post, my DP told me he only earned a low salary and did a manual job when I met him as he was sick of gold diggers. It was not until a couple of months later I found out he was a high earner.

AnotherStatistic000 · 16/12/2021 15:21

14:25InsideMyBed

Why don't you earn your own £100k?!

Young man won't want a gold digger.
You can try an old man.

ShirleyPhallus · 16/12/2021 15:23

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

There are lots of jobs over £100k, a lot of these such as finance or city type jobs work in the city though.

I know a few people who earn that much and I don't think its particularly fun for their partners. They are expected to pull all nighters frequently, there is a culture of long hours fuelled by coke, and they are on call pretty much all the time including weekends and holidays when something major is going down. It's ok until they have kids and then their partners are basically forced to be stay at home parents or change their career to a more family friendly one, as the high earner can't guarantee doing their share of pick ups and drop offs etc.

That might have changed now with more working from home and doesn't apply to all careers but certainly common from people I know in finance and law

That’s unfortunate that your friends have that experience, but in my experience, this is utterly utterly untrue

We all work fairly normal hours - 8.30-5.30ish is normal, with nursery drop offs and pick ups split between us. Sometimes we have to work later hours or a few hours at weekends, but it certainly is NOT a coke fuelled working all hours culture

PearlclutchersInc · 16/12/2021 15:23

This is the second or third of these threads in the last couple of weeks. Presumably written to wind up the general readership Hmm

If, on the other hand, the OP is serious and hasn't managed to figure it out by now she's missed the bus.

inside take close look at yourself - people (and I include gold digging men) with that kind of mindset generally don't do well in the long term.

BridStar · 16/12/2021 15:23

Oh, and as mentioned. The richest men often hide it so as not to attract gold diggers. It's not a flash bellend in a suit. It's the software dev in a hoodie.

I'd tell OP to get into tech herself and of the joys of earning your own high salary, but clearly that's not the goal...

tttigress · 16/12/2021 15:24

I think IT salaries vary a lot.

If it is a hot area and very technical / coding the salary is going to be high (though over £100k is still pretty unusual)

Obviously also depends on the company etc.

Original poster
InsideMyBed · 16/12/2021 15:24

[quote Thecatinhishat]@itwasntaparty I think you miss understood the post, my DP told me he only earned a low salary and did a manual job when I met him as he was sick of gold diggers. It was not until a couple of months later I found out he was a high earner.[/quote]
To be fair I met some doctors who always give fake jobs on one night stands (both male and female) and I don’t understand why Confused and I was too embarrassed to ask. None of them were consultant doctors so their salary wasn’t that high

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 16/12/2021 15:25

@BridStar

It's definitely not on dating apps. Higher quality men don't need them.

Hobbies. Sports club. Strength sports, fitness places, martial arts. Hiking, climbing, mountain biking. Basically whatever professional high stress job types do at the weekend.

Easy if you're already into these things as you'll already be there anyway. But people can smell a faker a mile off.

This also isn’t true, I met my husband on tinder and 2 of my closest friends met their husbands on bumble
TuftyMarmoset · 16/12/2021 15:26

oxfordandcambridgeclub.co.uk/
Under 35s group

GrandColombier · 16/12/2021 15:26

My partner and I are in early 30s, he earns over 100k but then so do I. We met on bumble. One a lawyer and one in finance, so similar education level, parity in work expectations/demands and have similar social circles. In addition lots of similar interests and hobbies. The key bit for us is we are very much equal in the relationship.

Bit of advise, it’s entirely obvious when someone is flirting with a corporate group with pound signs in their eyes. You may get interest but you won’t get respect or anything meaningful.

Have some self respect and focus on your own career.

SenseSphere · 16/12/2021 15:27

@BridStar

Oh, and as mentioned. The richest men often hide it so as not to attract gold diggers. It's not a flash bellend in a suit. It's the software dev in a hoodie.

I'd tell OP to get into tech herself and of the joys of earning your own high salary, but clearly that's not the goal...

That’s true. Some of the scruffiest people I know are the wealthiest.

My uncle was a self-made millionaire and virtually spent his whole life in scruffy tracksuit bottoms and drove his company van (that wasn’t even a nice van). He spent his money on his house and did have a Bentley, that very rarely came out the garage. The only time I ever saw him in a suit was on his (third) wedding day.

thepeopleversuswork · 16/12/2021 15:27

But jokes aside I don't think wanting to be with a financially solvent man renders someone a gold digger.

No in itself it doesn't but its all about the motivation isn't it: if the OP had said "I want to meet someone with a similar set of values and perspectives and who is financially solvent", it may have come across in a very different way.

But she's just popped up and said "where can I meet a rich man? I don't earn that much money and I want someone who does."

Original poster
InsideMyBed · 16/12/2021 15:27

@TuftyMarmoset

oxfordandcambridgeclub.co.uk/ Under 35s group
Thanks for the link! SmileFlowers
OP posts:
Shunpike · 16/12/2021 15:28

[quote Thecatinhishat]@itwasntaparty I think you miss understood the post, my DP told me he only earned a low salary and did a manual job when I met him as he was sick of gold diggers. It was not until a couple of months later I found out he was a high earner.[/quote]
I would've left him immediately. I don't care how much money my partner earns (I actually prefer lower earners though to be honest) but I would not hitch my wagon to a liar. He didn't just lie about his income, he must've lied about everything to keep up the one lie that he was a lower earner. I'd spend the entire relationship wondering what else he was lying about - especially as he did such a good job for 'a couple of months' that I believed him. And you say 'found out' rather than he told you, so that would just make it worse! It's like the saying 'money can't buy class' is living inside your partner.

AntennaReborn · 16/12/2021 15:28

Honestly OP, if you only consider a man's income you're setting yourself up to be disappointed (or single).

What you might want to look for instead is a decent person with a good work ethic who will be an equal partner.

When DH and I got together we had no assets, I was on minimum wage despite being a graduate, he was knee deep in student debts. We both worked hard, taking turns with bearing the brunt of childcare, long commutes etc. so we could both seize opportunities, and we're now doing really well financially and have good careers and a happy DD.

There were times he earned more than me, other times I was the higher earner, but that never mattered and now we're both about the same. We both made sacrifices to allow each other to climb the ladder.

I would honestly urge you to shelf your Cinderella fantasy, and look instead for someone you want to be with for who they are, not how much they earn

Good luck OP Flowers

Dollywilde · 16/12/2021 15:28

Most of my friends who have partners who earn 6 figures met them on Tinder! But then again, most of my friends are in the same city type jobs - I think Tinder just led them to people who would move in the same circles as them anyway. Jobs include: investment banking, partner in a PR/Comms firm, entrepreneur, lawyer.

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 16/12/2021 15:28

@Justcannotbearsed

I made a point of asking for a certified copy of pay slip before meeting for a date. It''s much easier to exclude people first.
What is a certified copy of pay slip ?
girlmom21 · 16/12/2021 15:32

[quote Thecatinhishat]@itwasntaparty I think you miss understood the post, my DP told me he only earned a low salary and did a manual job when I met him as he was sick of gold diggers. It was not until a couple of months later I found out he was a high earner.[/quote]
How did he keep up his lies this act for months? Did you never go to his house or discuss his work or see what car he drove?

lunar1 · 16/12/2021 15:33

DH is a consultant doctor, I met him at work when he was a junior dr. I earn my own salary.

All our friends who are doctors have professional spouses and things in common.

Maybe you need to advertise for a sugar daddy!

2bazookas · 16/12/2021 15:34

You seem to have forgotten , people who run their own successful business.

It's my experience that seriously rich people ( FAR beyond 100 K pa) often like to pass unnoticed, purposely don't flaunt their wealth ( to avoid crooks and pests ).. Or got rich from some very hands-on work so they are often quite grubby/muddy/unkempt. Or, they are so rich they don't care what anybody else thinks and happily wear old clothes/ wellies/ drive ancient cars/have very shabby furniture.

  Another tip; IME   people  who wear visible designer logos  tend to think 10 K     is an enormously impressive amount of money.   Wannabees aren't rich.

If you're looking for RICH rich, the makers label will never be visible, or mentioned.

VladmirsPoutine · 16/12/2021 15:34

Apparently he only kept it up for 2 months @girlmom21 which is still rather bizarre because 2 months is still very much early days - a budding gold digger need not wait even for a season change to realise the truth. The most successful gold diggers don't go around asking to see payslips on the first date. 2 months is nothing.