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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask where you meet professional men?

542 replies

InsideMyBed · 16/12/2021 14:25

To people that have professional dh with high earning careers (over 100k salary Shock).

Where did you meet them and how did you get together?

Wondering because apart from consultant doctors and dentists that I interact with in clinical settings only, I don’t think I ever come across men who earn over 100k salary.

I feel like most people I know earn £18,000 - £55,000 at the most. I’m sure a few might be on £60k but £100,000 a year Shock. That seems like so much money to me. I’m a university graduate and most jobs in my industry pay between £25,000 - £35,000 a year.

Where do you meet men who earn over £100k a year? Apart from doctors, dentists and barristers. I’m a bit jealous I will admit because these are the kinds of men I don’t even have access to much less share my life with one! BlushShock

OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 16/12/2021 17:19

Couples is a completely different story. And yes, a woman earning £100K in a job will usually pay around £60K of around that (pre-tax) for childcare that backs hours needed for that £100K job. I am speaking from experience. See also the breakdown by @onlychildhamster , it is quite realistic (just add one more child into the picture).

This is a common debate on this threads. For some reason everyone imagines a scenario where a dinner lady suddenly starts earning £100K for her two hours term-time job, and what an amazing life that would be! Not someone who needs childcare covering regular business trips, working hours until midnight and no days off for the children being sick - all more common than not for a six-digit job.

I'm speaking from experience too @forinborin.

Anyone - or any couple - who cannot 'manage' on a gross of £100k needs to re-examine their priorities or expectations.
And maybe take a few tips from people who earn a pittance, but still manage to pay their way while still raising decent kids.

SparklingLime · 16/12/2021 17:20

Thank you, @forinborin.

thepeopleversuswork · 16/12/2021 17:20

@succession

I find my husband's ambition and drive really attractive too, which is also why he earns a lot

Wouldn't you rather have your own ambition and drive, rather than relying on someone else's?

RedWingBoots · 16/12/2021 17:20

As The4thForm indicated go work for an IT company and ensure the average age of workers in the company is in their 20s.

The men should out number the women and there should be some single straight men for you to chat up. The men won't be earning 100K then as they are too young but in a few years they could be.

Just make sure you have similar interests to them. So while some will be into gaming and other geeky pursuits there will be others more like me who are into their fitness and sport.

frogswimming · 16/12/2021 17:20

At work as graduates in a property company in London.

Original poster
InsideMyBed · 16/12/2021 17:22

@VladmirsPoutine

Tbh someone has to marry the rich men of world so why can't OP be one of them. Precisely why I think Kate Middleton was an incredibly savvy young woman. Someone had to be princess so she gave it a shot! If a rich man is going to find a wife why can't it be you.
Exactly! SmileSmileSmile
OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 16/12/2021 17:23

But most of £100k jobs will be in London.

May other major cities with high-paying jobs exist.
Often with much better commutes from the 'burbs or sticks.

luverlybubberly · 16/12/2021 17:24

My ex earned over 100k when we split but he wasn't earning that when we met. He hangs out at normal places like the gym, bars and hook up apps

Keke94LND · 16/12/2021 17:25

Sorry but Who cares? And why do you know/care how much people you know earn? Also btw my brother in law is a dr and he does not earn £100k a year. My sister is also a dr and she earns more than him but still not £100k a year. It's also worth baring in mind that older men are more likely to earn 100k a year than the younger men that you might fancy. But anyway, back to my original point, who cares? If you want to be a high earner, earn it yourself. You sound a bit like a gold digger tbh

forinborin · 16/12/2021 17:25

@ChargingBuck

Couples is a completely different story. And yes, a woman earning £100K in a job will usually pay around £60K of around that (pre-tax) for childcare that backs hours needed for that £100K job. I am speaking from experience. See also the breakdown by @onlychildhamster , it is quite realistic (just add one more child into the picture).

This is a common debate on this threads. For some reason everyone imagines a scenario where a dinner lady suddenly starts earning £100K for her two hours term-time job, and what an amazing life that would be! Not someone who needs childcare covering regular business trips, working hours until midnight and no days off for the children being sick - all more common than not for a six-digit job.

I'm speaking from experience too @forinborin.

Anyone - or any couple - who cannot 'manage' on a gross of £100k needs to re-examine their priorities or expectations.
And maybe take a few tips from people who earn a pittance, but still manage to pay their way while still raising decent kids.

There's not much reassessing priorities when your 100K job is £5K / month net, but childcare costs are £3K (the cheapest local nursery for two) and rent is £1K (one bed flat). It is basic arithmetic, not a question of priorities.
catandcandle · 16/12/2021 17:26

I would also echo those who say, why not just try to make your own money? Then you can pick the man, not the wallet, of your choice. As I said, my DH was earning little when I met him. I knew that. He now earns nothing at all but does everything to keep our lives going while I earn the money. It's a perfectly viable route.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 16/12/2021 17:27

Met DH when we were 14 and didn’t have any salary. Just quite lucky really how things turned out! Although he went to public school and is exceptionally clever so I supposed I could have predicted…had I cared age 14?😆🤦🏻‍♀️

Bellyups · 16/12/2021 17:34

OP you sound like a dick

DeepaBeesKit · 16/12/2021 17:36

At work....

I earn about that, as do most of the people in interact with. Lots earn more.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 16/12/2021 17:37

Try Sugar Daddies.com

sammylady37 · 16/12/2021 17:37

I earn almost €250k per year. I am acutely aware that this makes me attractive to some men, and I have a finely-tuned radar to detect them, though tbh it’s never too hard as they’re not exactly subtle masterminds.

Anyone worth their salt who earns that much will spot a gold-digger a mile off.

Ariann · 16/12/2021 17:37

OP - if your thread is for real, you need to be looking at "wealth", not just "income". You need to know the difference between them.

If you are not rich yourself, you need to be the kind of woman men will compete for. Are you pestered every where you go? Are you very beautiful? Are you good at skiing and a good tennis player? Can you play a musical instrument? Are you good at anything else? Are you elegant and funny? Do people love being around you? Can you throw a party for 100 with a day's notice? Can you manage all three of your properties with ease? Would you be happy to be left to run the house and take care of children on your own and your husband to work long hours and be away for a lot of the time without complaining about it? Are you a great conversationalist? Would you be happy to entertain people you don't like and even go on holiday with them because they are your husband's associates? Are you all of these things? You get the idea.

The kind of rich man who would marry someone who is not also well-off would be looking for these qualities. It sounds like a 24 hour a day job doesn't it? That's because it is.

Remember though that someone being rich is not enough. He might be horribly boring or a psychopath. There are so many far more important things about a man than money.

Mermaidwaves · 16/12/2021 17:39

I live near a yachting marina with lots of rich, tanned looking men with very expensive boats, they tend to be older but theres bars there where they hang out, maybe try somewhere like that.

They are very loud, braying "look at me" types though, they sound and look a bit like arses to me.

forinborin · 16/12/2021 17:41

@sammylady37

I earn almost €250k per year. I am acutely aware that this makes me attractive to some men, and I have a finely-tuned radar to detect them, though tbh it’s never too hard as they’re not exactly subtle masterminds.

Anyone worth their salt who earns that much will spot a gold-digger a mile off.

Interesting. Are there actually male golddiggers (as in a class of them, not occasional chancers)? Not in the traditional "cocklodger" sense (where a man still is interested in the woman as a woman in the beginning, just gets sloppy / irresponsible later as she's picking up more than her fair share and he gets used to it), but someone who targets good earning women?
theleafandnotthetree · 16/12/2021 17:44

@minipie

Beginning to think this is a wind up tbh.
I agree, something 'off' about the OP's responses
Cocomarine · 16/12/2021 17:45

@forinborin so when your rent was £1K and your income £5K net, would you not have saved a wee bit in advance for childcare costs? I know I did 🤷🏻‍♀️

VladmirsPoutine · 16/12/2021 17:47

I think it's part wind-up part 'fuck it I want to be a kept woman.'

DeepaBeesKit · 16/12/2021 17:47

Oh and very few people get with a partner who is already earning 100k.

They get with an intelligent, hard working student who lives in a grotty house share and hasn't a pot to piss in (I mean you, DH). Then they often out earn or semi support them for a few years in early twenties when they take short term risks/sacrifices for longer term gains. And twenty years later they find they are married to a high earning partner.

Cocomarine · 16/12/2021 17:47

[quote Cocomarine]@forinborin so when your rent was £1K and your income £5K net, would you not have saved a wee bit in advance for childcare costs? I know I did 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
When I say “you”, I mean “one” - not suggesting that you personally didn’t save!

But for the most expensive years of my life (eye watering nursery fees and before the next round of career promotions paid off) I wouldn’t expect to cover it solely from contemporaneously earned income.

Franca123 · 16/12/2021 17:49

Tech. I work in tech and high incomes are common. My partner earns this sort of money but when I met him he was in a career dead end. My out earning him significantly, gave him a kick up the bum. Get a tech job and you could find yourself earning silly money.