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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask where you meet professional men?

542 replies

InsideMyBed · 16/12/2021 14:25

To people that have professional dh with high earning careers (over 100k salary Shock).

Where did you meet them and how did you get together?

Wondering because apart from consultant doctors and dentists that I interact with in clinical settings only, I don’t think I ever come across men who earn over 100k salary.

I feel like most people I know earn £18,000 - £55,000 at the most. I’m sure a few might be on £60k but £100,000 a year Shock. That seems like so much money to me. I’m a university graduate and most jobs in my industry pay between £25,000 - £35,000 a year.

Where do you meet men who earn over £100k a year? Apart from doctors, dentists and barristers. I’m a bit jealous I will admit because these are the kinds of men I don’t even have access to much less share my life with one! BlushShock

OP posts:
FrankGrillosWrist · 16/12/2021 16:37

Become a high class call girl.

SenseSphere · 16/12/2021 16:37

I work with a lot of men who earn £100k plus and they’re pretty much all married to women in the same profession who operate at around the same level as them or higher.

Veeveeoxox · 16/12/2021 16:37

@VladmirsPoutine

I pay for all my own stuff and DDs and go halves on most stuff unless it's widely out of my budget

And he earns over double what you do and by the sound of your post you're happy with this set up? Yikes! God forbid!

He pays the mortgage and most of the utilities apart from council tax. I have enough and it suits me
ChargingBuck · 16/12/2021 16:38

@bubblesbubbles11

has anyone ever used the term "gold digger" in a conversation they were having with you OP?
& is your name Becky Sharpe?
IWannaQuitTheGym · 16/12/2021 16:41

Why not aim to be a high earner yourself, and aim to meet a man who is decent and trustworthy, regardless of his salary?

crazeelala2u · 16/12/2021 16:41

@InsideMyBed

To people that have professional dh with high earning careers (over 100k salary Shock).

Where did you meet them and how did you get together?

Wondering because apart from consultant doctors and dentists that I interact with in clinical settings only, I don’t think I ever come across men who earn over 100k salary.

I feel like most people I know earn £18,000 - £55,000 at the most. I’m sure a few might be on £60k but £100,000 a year Shock. That seems like so much money to me. I’m a university graduate and most jobs in my industry pay between £25,000 - £35,000 a year.

Where do you meet men who earn over £100k a year? Apart from doctors, dentists and barristers. I’m a bit jealous I will admit because these are the kinds of men I don’t even have access to much less share my life with one! BlushShock

I met mine 10 years ago online and we were friends that became more. It was some good old fashioned online dating. He's in technology and makes really good money working from anywhere as it's all remote.
VladmirsPoutine · 16/12/2021 16:43

@Veeveeoxox Of course if you're both happy with the set-up that's the most important thing but the day I 'go halves on most things' with a man who earns over double what I do is the day I'll check myself in for a lobotomy Grin

HideousKinky · 16/12/2021 16:43

I met my DH at a barbecue. At the time he was 28 and I was 25 and neither of us were high earners. That came later

syccdd · 16/12/2021 16:44

Builders aka property developers are a good bet if you're a non-professional yourself.

They earn shit loads and you'll have a nice house too!

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 16/12/2021 16:44

DH is now retired but did earn the sums you are looking for OP, we met and married before his career took off though, so no use to use in that area. IME, it’s either that way or men date/marry within their income bracket.

MargosKaftan · 16/12/2021 16:44

@VladmirsPoutine

Tbh someone has to marry the rich men of world so why can't OP be one of them. Precisely why I think Kate Middleton was an incredibly savvy young woman. Someone had to be princess so she gave it a shot! If a rich man is going to find a wife why can't it be you.
Or as Jane Austen (birthday today!) said- "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."
ReginaaPhalange · 16/12/2021 16:45

Jeezo Confused!

OP, I am embarrassed for you! Have some class for the love of god!

If you are that desperate to earn loads of money, there's always OnlyFans, that way you're not using dating someone just for their salary......

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 16/12/2021 16:45

(He was in financial services)

whiteonesugar · 16/12/2021 16:46

DH earns nearly 100k - mid 90's - he's fairly senior in building services. But he earned 27k when we met...Money isn't everything. You live to your means. We were broke when we met and we're broke now, just with more kids and a bigger mortgage lol

ginnig · 16/12/2021 16:46

Well the fast majority of them will be older than you

Grida · 16/12/2021 16:47

I think they might see you coming. If you look like a supermodel, they won’t really care though.

ChargingBuck · 16/12/2021 16:48

Similarly, a woman on £100K likely won't be able to support herself and two children (taken as average number) independently from birth given the cost of childcare.

4 x the 'average' salary won't be enough to raise 2 kids?
Codswallop.

You know there are millions of UK couples earning WAY less than £100k combined, & managing to bring up children while solvent, @forinborin?
Not sure what ivory tower you live in, but it's clearly a long way from the real world.

onlychildhamster · 16/12/2021 16:48

@InsideMyBed OP, do you live in London.

A salary of 100k assuming 5% pension and student loan 1 is £4,847.36 per month. Most of these 100k jobs are in london.

An average property in london is 550k and its probably going to be a flat unless its in zone 6 or commuter town territory (and that would still be a fairly modest house). Assuming 10% deposit, that is a mortage of £2k per month. Someone on 100k is likely to want to live closer to work and even if there is more flexible working, you can't bank on his employer being pro flexi work (my DH works in an investment bank which has plenty of such men and he is at the office today). And if he is the breadwinner, then arguably his job requirements are more important unlike other couples who have more equal earnings and would be able to find a balance.

Thats £2800 left. Assuming you will have a child and will need full time childcare, that would cost at least £1600. So £1200 left for savings and food and bills, not exactly luxury living.

So a 100k salary can basically be completely swallowed up by bills, childcare and mortgage. It is not luxury living. I know a lot of families in london live on less. It is a good salary in london only if the other partner earns, there is some family help in terms of childcare/inheritance (common in London) or a combination of the two.

gogohm · 16/12/2021 16:49

On line dating! That said ex earned a decent amount too.

yougottasmilesobright · 16/12/2021 16:49

Earn your own money

Iwonder08 · 16/12/2021 16:50

Meeting (and having relationship) a man who earn over 100k is much easier if you also earn over 100k. I would suggest you work on your career first

Applesonthelawn · 16/12/2021 16:50

Best way to meet men who earn 100K+ is to earn that yourself.

Lacedwithgrace · 16/12/2021 16:50

His company donated money and services to a sector of my job, and we met there. We had to travel to a conference and we spent 12 hours in the car together stuck on the motorway, so we got to know each other pretty quickly.

I get why you want a partner with a higher salary but they won't automatically give you their money or pay for your dates just because they earn more, and money doesn't make a man less or more of a dick.

MsTSwift · 16/12/2021 16:51

Become a professional earn that yourself then marry your equivalent. That’s what I did and most couples I know did too

thepeopleversuswork · 16/12/2021 16:51

@VladmirsPoutine

Tbh someone has to marry the rich men of world so why can't OP be one of them. Precisely why I think Kate Middleton was an incredibly savvy young woman. Someone had to be princess so she gave it a shot! If a rich man is going to find a wife why can't it be you.
There's nothing intrinsically wrong with marrying someone with wealth. The point is its all about a) the intent and what you want to achieve with the relationship and b) your equality within the relationship.

If man a earning £150k pa meets and marries woman b earning £80k pa and both have roughly equivalent ideas about how the relationship is to be structured and what the goals are, you have enough parity for there not to be a huge mismatch in expectations within the relationship.

If man a earning £150k meets and marries woman b earning £20k or on benefits, you've immediately got a huge imbalance in the relationship. Unless woman b rapidly scales up her earnings, man a will end up footing a vastly disproportionate amount of the bill.

In that scenario man a will either a) get pissed off at the imbalance and seek a relationship with someone he's not having to sub all the time (and likely someone close to him in terms of outlook on life etc) or b) will start to treat woman b as the hired help and encourage her to basically become his domestic helpmeet. Neither is a healthy or desirable scenario.

Yes there probably are odd exceptions to this, but not many. And as I said upthread I would seriously question the motives of a man for wanting to get involved with a woman several leagues of magnitude poorer than him.