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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to end my relationship

109 replies

unleashingtheflyingmonkeys · 16/12/2021 13:30

Hi guys

Im so upset and don't really have anyone IRL to talk to about this.

I've been with my fiancee for a few months now. It moved very quickly. He moved kn quite fast, seemed in a hurry.

But I fell for him and have been very happy so didn't see the issue.

He has an ex he was engaged to but they broke up on very bad terms. His ex is close friends with my best friends brother so we have mutual friends in common.

He popped the question 2 weeks ago and I was thrilled. After a shit time I've never been so happy. I posted the pic on fb with the ring, who He had me showing it off to everyone at his works Xmas party. Everyone commented how gorgeous it was.

Got a call on my way into work this morning from my best friend. His ex has said that my ring is the ring he used to propose to her with.

Worse bit is, she paid for it, he was meant to pay her back, never did and kept it.

He told me he'd bought it from H Samuel,.he hasn't and is now saying he's had it since before he met me,.but has.never given it to anyone.

His ex sent me a photo, the two are identical.

Im more upset about the lies and how he's made me look stupid.

AIBU to end the relationship?

OP posts:
blinder · 16/12/2021 13:33

Unfortunately, this will have given you the message that he sees you and his ex as interchangeable. Whether or not he does, I think you have to at least return the ring and put a hold on all marriage discussion. Then have some long hard chats about what on earth he thought he was doing.

irrate · 16/12/2021 13:34

This would be a deal breaker for me. If he has lied about this is he going to spend then rest of your lives lying about things and then love bombing you with flowers etc to say how sorry he is. A few months is nothing enough to really know someone.

Original poster
unleashingtheflyingmonkeys · 16/12/2021 13:35

The ring is off. If she paid for it, I will make sure its returned to her. I dont even want it in the house right now. Im finding stuff to do after work as I can't face him right now

OP posts:
gamerchick · 16/12/2021 13:36

Sounds like he really needed somewhere to live to me.

Anordinarymum · 16/12/2021 13:36

I think you will be UR if you stay with him full stop

gelatodipistacchio · 16/12/2021 13:36

...no?

2TurtleDovesInARow · 16/12/2021 13:37

The fast paced nature of the relationship is a red flag alone, let alone the lies.

I would end the relationship and give the ring back to his ex!

Chikapu · 16/12/2021 13:37

End it. The fact that he's moved so quickly is a red flag to me, add in that he can't tell the truth then it has disaster written all over it.
How long ago did he break up with his first fiancee?

AnnaPerenna · 16/12/2021 13:38

It's more about the lying than the ring. Don't go out with a liar. It's hell, honestly.

ChangeChingyChange · 16/12/2021 13:38

Yuck get rid of him

NameChangeCity123 · 16/12/2021 13:39

He seems like he latches on to people quickly for security/ ie moving in, having a partner etc. the speed of the relationship is a red flag for me but lying about (and reusing) the ring is an even bigger red flag.... I'd walk away now

Floundery · 16/12/2021 13:41

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

pigsDOfly · 16/12/2021 13:42

He doesn't sound very sensible or trustworthy tbh if he goes around proposing marriage to one woman after another.

You've known him a few months. What do you actually know about him? Probably not very much.

Give him back his ring. Stop living with him and then decide if you actually want to get to know him better or not.

It sounds as if you both just want to get engaged because it's a nice thing to do.

Xmassprout · 16/12/2021 13:42

Sounds like he is a walking red flag

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 16/12/2021 13:43

There are lots of red flags here OP. The lovebombing, the moving in fast, the badmouthing the ex, and now the lies about the ring and the fact he may have effectively stolen it. Any one of these on their own would be enough to make me wary but combined it's extremely worrying

Offmyfence · 16/12/2021 13:43

YANBU

Popetthetreehugger · 16/12/2021 13:44

So his ex paid for her own ring , that he then kept and gave to you ? Wow , he’s a charmer ! I agree , he needed a roof . You are worth a whole lot more than this shower !! You instinct is spot on , give it back to the girl who had the sense to get shot of him , onward and upward … new year new opportunity. Good luck and get some backup for when you tell him to sling his hook . X

Clueless24 · 16/12/2021 13:44

I meam he was he engaged to his ex and it didnt work out? Then he got engaged to you quickly too. How can you not see the pattern here or are you choosing not to?

Also why did she buy her own engagment ring.

Sounds like he is a waste of space and leech/user.

Cut your ties op you can do much better. Let him move on to the next girl he can try to take advantage of

ftw163532 · 16/12/2021 13:45

It moved very quickly. He moved kn quite fast, seemed in a hurry.

Which should have been the first warning sign. Rushing things stops you from stepping back to consider whether it's right.

This is your chance to step back. If you ignore this opportunity I think you will regret it.

Shoxfordian · 16/12/2021 13:45

He sounds like a loser
Don’t marry him

arethereanyleftatall · 16/12/2021 13:47

Of course YANBU.
End it.
The fact that you didn't immediately do this, and typed it all out on here to check, is really really worrying.

Hope478 · 16/12/2021 13:47

Get him OUT of your house OP

Snowmanuel · 16/12/2021 13:47

That is gross. I’m so sorry OP. You’ve got the right attitude though, it sounds like you’re done with this mockery of a relationship. Keep that resolve and get him gone.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 16/12/2021 13:49

It was her ring & she paid for it. Why on earth did he have it in the first place?

Tell him it's over & he needs to move out this weekend. You can do better than this sorry excuse for a man.

BumBurnerBum · 16/12/2021 13:51

I hope you don't have DC