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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to end my relationship

109 replies

unleashingtheflyingmonkeys · 16/12/2021 13:30

Hi guys

Im so upset and don't really have anyone IRL to talk to about this.

I've been with my fiancee for a few months now. It moved very quickly. He moved kn quite fast, seemed in a hurry.

But I fell for him and have been very happy so didn't see the issue.

He has an ex he was engaged to but they broke up on very bad terms. His ex is close friends with my best friends brother so we have mutual friends in common.

He popped the question 2 weeks ago and I was thrilled. After a shit time I've never been so happy. I posted the pic on fb with the ring, who He had me showing it off to everyone at his works Xmas party. Everyone commented how gorgeous it was.

Got a call on my way into work this morning from my best friend. His ex has said that my ring is the ring he used to propose to her with.

Worse bit is, she paid for it, he was meant to pay her back, never did and kept it.

He told me he'd bought it from H Samuel,.he hasn't and is now saying he's had it since before he met me,.but has.never given it to anyone.

His ex sent me a photo, the two are identical.

Im more upset about the lies and how he's made me look stupid.

AIBU to end the relationship?

OP posts:
ZorbaTheHoarder · 16/12/2021 20:56

"As for the ring, I've said as there is no receipt, it needs to go back to the ex. Apparently he can't as she has a restraining order on him."

Blimey, he's sounding worse and worse!

Well done for getting rid, OP, and don't blame yourself - he's obviously a professional chance. It's great that you've seen through him at this early stage. Onwards and upwards!

ZorbaTheHoarder · 16/12/2021 20:57

"chancer", that should say!

WhatToDo1988 · 16/12/2021 20:59

So sorry OP, that's so rough. You will be able to trust someone one day but you need to take it slow. It doesn't matter how great someone is, the speed of the relationship is insane. Take a break, look out after number one and when/if you're ready you can consider dating again with a fresh energy and perspective.

Life is too short to be crying after some wanker who tried to re-use an engagement ring from a girl who has a restraining order against him. Count your blessings you found out early!

AdaFuckingShelby · 16/12/2021 20:59

You can't trust him. End it.

AdaFuckingShelby · 16/12/2021 21:02

He's the one that should feel humiliated, not you. Be grateful you found out now before you actually married him. Take some time to be single and enjoy your friends and family. The future is bright, you've had a lucky escape Flowers

SunscreenCentral · 16/12/2021 21:12

I know it doesn't feel like it, but this is a low-key win for you.
Finding out now means you've saved yourself, your children and your long term finances from the completely inevitable massive bell-end fallout

Be kind to yourself over the next while

And if anyone pokes their beak in tell them that you've decided he's a wanker you're just not a good fit, but thanks for asking

thefourgp · 16/12/2021 21:17

Good on you for ending it. The fact she’s got a restraining order against him is scary. No matter what he says or how lonely you get, please don’t ever let him back into your life once he’s gone. You deserve better.

Newmum29 · 16/12/2021 21:18

You posted you were engaged on Facebook before telling your children?

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 16/12/2021 21:26

How old are your children?

WorraLiberty · 16/12/2021 21:50

We don't have kids (I do but older, hadn't had chance to tell them about my engagement yet as they're not due back from their dads for another week). So no awkward conversations with the kids I suppose.

You mean other than you've moved a man into their home??

Greenmarmalade · 16/12/2021 21:53

Fantastic update, OP. Counseling sounds like a really good investment in yourself. I had psychotherapy and it worked wonders.

Think there’s a programme you can go on- freedom programme maybe? Other posters may have suggested it.

Don’t feel embarrassed. You have done something positive in getting rid.

Original poster
unleashingtheflyingmonkeys · 16/12/2021 22:06

My children knew he was here as they also live here. They were asked and consulted before he moved in and they were all for it.

I was due to tell them this weekend but won't have to now. We haven't been engaged long, a week and a half ish.

I impulse posted as I.was genuinely thrilled but learnt from that now.

But thank you to everyone else for your.kind comments and support.

OP posts:
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 16/12/2021 22:20

YWBU to move in a boyfriend and get engaged within months when you have children that still have a custody arrangement.

YANBU to LTB for being a snake and a liar/cock lodger (that’s where this would have been going I suspect)

ftw163532 · 16/12/2021 22:26

I'd call it vulnerability rather than gullibility.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Elfonthesofa · 16/12/2021 22:28

@2TurtleDovesInARow

The fast paced nature of the relationship is a red flag alone, let alone the lies.

I would end the relationship and give the ring back to his ex!

This.

It sounds like he just wanted a roof over his head and someone to pay half all of the bills

WhoopsWhatsMyNameAgain · 16/12/2021 22:32

He sounds like my cousin. Who is a player.

He's lying and he's jumped into your life because it gave meaning to his. You gave him somewhere to live and someone to fill the role of fiance.

This won't last.

Have some self-esteem and end things. He doesn't respect and you in all honesty, you hardly know each other. Next time, wait until you know someone properly (like a few years) before you commit to a lifetime together.

WhoopsWhatsMyNameAgain · 16/12/2021 22:34

Wow I've just seen you have kids.

For god's sake, put them first. Don't bring a random man into the house.

You need to smell the coffee and mature up. Your kids deserve stability, not someone rushing in and marrying their mum within months, only to find out it's all a big sham.

He's having you on. And sadly, this will now affect your kids too.

Lolabray · 16/12/2021 22:35

I’d be calling that engagement right off

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 16/12/2021 22:40

At least you found all of this out now, before you told your children and before you married him. Caution and patience are key with any relationship but even more so with the ones who try and push things along so quickly, they don't want you to stop and think

AgathaX · 16/12/2021 22:42

Glad you've ended it. Don't take him back.
Take your time next time and don't move a virtual stranger in to your family home.

TheCatsHaveKilledTheGonks · 16/12/2021 22:43

Wow OP. So many things wrong here.

Proposing to multiple people. Moving in together after just a couple of months?? Aside from the ring this is a total mess and frankly doomed. Also his lie was that he bought you an engagement ring from a really cheap jewelller 🤣 he doesn't exactly sound like a catch. What is it about him that you fell in love with exactly, sufficiently to agree to make a life-long commitment to him and move in with him when you'd only just met him?

It sounds to me like you have very poor boundaries - and I say this as somebody who also did for most of my life due to various problems with my childhood, so not judging you - and need to get him out of your life asap and work on yourself and have therapy and understand how you let yourself be sucked into this to prevent in happening again.

From what you have posted no sane woman with healthy boundaries would go near this man. You need to get to a point where you are that woman before you date anybody again. Thanks

TheCatsHaveKilledTheGonks · 16/12/2021 22:44

Really glad to read you've ended it. You've done the right thing, I promise you. Focus on you now and your self-esteem and boundaries so that you never, ever, get tangled up in anything with a loser like this again.

TheCatsHaveKilledTheGonks · 16/12/2021 22:46

Oh goodness OP I hadn't got far enough into the thread to see you have children already! Please do not move men you barely know into your house ever again, for their sake. There's no reason a new partner even needs to be introduced to your children for a couple of years at least after you meet them.

thickthighs73 · 16/12/2021 22:47

I’d be packing his stuff

thickthighs73 · 16/12/2021 22:51

Keep the ring too! Take it to cash converters