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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to end my relationship

109 replies

unleashingtheflyingmonkeys · 16/12/2021 13:30

Hi guys

Im so upset and don't really have anyone IRL to talk to about this.

I've been with my fiancee for a few months now. It moved very quickly. He moved kn quite fast, seemed in a hurry.

But I fell for him and have been very happy so didn't see the issue.

He has an ex he was engaged to but they broke up on very bad terms. His ex is close friends with my best friends brother so we have mutual friends in common.

He popped the question 2 weeks ago and I was thrilled. After a shit time I've never been so happy. I posted the pic on fb with the ring, who He had me showing it off to everyone at his works Xmas party. Everyone commented how gorgeous it was.

Got a call on my way into work this morning from my best friend. His ex has said that my ring is the ring he used to propose to her with.

Worse bit is, she paid for it, he was meant to pay her back, never did and kept it.

He told me he'd bought it from H Samuel,.he hasn't and is now saying he's had it since before he met me,.but has.never given it to anyone.

His ex sent me a photo, the two are identical.

Im more upset about the lies and how he's made me look stupid.

AIBU to end the relationship?

OP posts:
GoodTid · 16/12/2021 14:59

Get this utter loser out of your house pronto OP.

He's a lier and a thief. Do not stay with him
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Branleuse · 16/12/2021 15:01

What a chancer.

Original poster
unleashingtheflyingmonkeys · 16/12/2021 16:33

I've told him I want him and his stuff out ASAP.

Hes adamant the ring isn't hers, it is brand new that he happened to have before we met. The fact the two pics have identical rings on is a coincidence. Yeah right. He really thinks I'm stupid.

Is more angry that his ex found my pic of the ring on fb. Lied and lied

Messaged me to say he's in bits and means everything he said. Begging me to talk to him later. I'm going late night shopping I don't want to go home and see his face, I just want him out.

Im hurt, and disappointed that after everything I've been through with my ex I've been taken in again by a mug. I must be a mug magnet.

OP posts:
mumda · 16/12/2021 16:45

Have someone come and stay with you whilst he packs his stuff and leaves.

HoardingSamphireSaurus · 16/12/2021 16:47

So you've made a couple of poor choices. So what? Those men don't define you, their actions define them!

Tell him to save his breath your mind is made up. He needs to leave.

And if you need support, someone to be with you, don't hesitate. Be safe, be determined.

Kuachui · 16/12/2021 16:50

yanbu, hes love bombing you and doesnt even use a ring that shows hes thought of you...

Im actually gobsmacked hahaha

LittleGwyneth · 16/12/2021 16:50

I'm so sorry, that's horrible for you. I hope you find a much calmer, easier happiness with someone else Flowers

Kuachui · 16/12/2021 16:51

also youll know if its the same ring, its not easy to buy similar rings. there are millions of rings out there also did he not remember his exs ring?? doubt it

ChargingBuck · 16/12/2021 16:59

Brace up OP - you've rumbled this guy early enough to back out without too much harm done to your own wellbeing.

He's a love-bombing, cocklodging, lying cheapskate.

However, what concerns me most is you needing to ask if it's ok to dump him.
Why do you feel you need permission?

This man, 'his' dodgy ring, & his behaviour do not define you.
YOU define you.

Walk away now, & take tremendous satisfaction in seeing the ring rightfully returned to his ex.
And don't let a man hurry you into cohabitation or engagement again. It's always, always, a red flag.

ChargingBuck · 16/12/2021 17:07

Messaged me to say he's in bits and means everything he said.
All about him.
Nothing about your feelings, how devastated & betrayed you are.
What a selfish, using pillock.

Begging me to talk to him later.
DON'T.
You do not owe him conversation, reasons, or time.

I second PP who said get your mate & her/your brother round, & get him ejected from your home pronto. Where he goes is his problem. Maybe he can use some of the cash he saved by stealing his ex's ring on a B&B. Anyhoo - fuck him.

Firstruleofsoupover · 16/12/2021 17:11

Did his ex turn him down then? Even after paying for the ring herself? What I mean is, how come he has the ring at all? I think I might ask her that, just to be sure otherwise I would always wonder.

Is she saying he snaffled it back off her, and is now offering it to you? That would make it all clearer cut, if you knew why he has the ring and not she.

Haveyoubrushedyourteethtoday · 16/12/2021 17:17

Bullet dodged! Well done!

Bananalanacake · 16/12/2021 17:41

How quickly did he move in with you. You can have a relationship without living together. Does he pay towards food and bills.

HelloCovid · 16/12/2021 17:59

If it's not the ring, how come he hasn't shown you the other one too?!

Cocomarine · 16/12/2021 18:07

You’re not a mug magnet… the mug magnet would be the woman he stayed. You’ve told him to fuck off - well done you!! 👏🏻

Stuckhere2021 · 16/12/2021 18:15

@ChargingBuck

Brace up OP - you've rumbled this guy early enough to back out without too much harm done to your own wellbeing.

He's a love-bombing, cocklodging, lying cheapskate.

However, what concerns me most is you needing to ask if it's ok to dump him.
Why do you feel you need permission?

This man, 'his' dodgy ring, & his behaviour do not define you.
YOU define you.

Walk away now, & take tremendous satisfaction in seeing the ring rightfully returned to his ex.
And don't let a man hurry you into cohabitation or engagement again. It's always, always, a red flag.

This 100%.

Please do not let him talk you round. I guarantee you will be posting on the Relationships board in the future about how he’s ripped you off/kept lying to you/cheated on you etc etc. I feel really saddened when I read posts on here where women allow these awful men to fuck then over.

Sparklfairy · 16/12/2021 18:18

You never know OP, he might be telling the truth. He might like to plan ahead so bought half a dozen identical rings in the hope one would stick Wink

WorraLiberty · 16/12/2021 18:21

@unleashingtheflyingmonkeys

I've told him I want him and his stuff out ASAP.

Hes adamant the ring isn't hers, it is brand new that he happened to have before we met. The fact the two pics have identical rings on is a coincidence. Yeah right. He really thinks I'm stupid.

Is more angry that his ex found my pic of the ring on fb. Lied and lied

Messaged me to say he's in bits and means everything he said. Begging me to talk to him later. I'm going late night shopping I don't want to go home and see his face, I just want him out.

Im hurt, and disappointed that after everything I've been through with my ex I've been taken in again by a mug. I must be a mug magnet.

WTF? You didn't mention you live together

That really did move fast.

Do you have children OP?

Lasair · 16/12/2021 18:37

Woahhh this has moved way to fast. You don’t even know him!

RedBonnet · 16/12/2021 18:49

User ring222 posted something similar on Nov 16th 🤔 I agree with pp that it seems odd that he has the ring. I think it's unusual for an engagement ring to be returned following a breakup

HacerSonarSusPasos · 16/12/2021 19:06

It moved very quickly. He moved kn quite fast, seemed in a hurry.

Looks like you've got a hobosexual on your hands!

ChristmasFluff · 16/12/2021 19:14

"Nobody falls in love faster than a sociopath who needs a place to stay"

Just run.

And BTW, no-one is ever being unreasinable to end a relationship for any reason.

DickMabutt73962 · 16/12/2021 19:15

This list may have well be written as:

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ftw163532 · 16/12/2021 20:26

I agree, don't let his behaviour define you. Flowers

(Who "happens to have" a spare engagement ring knocking about? That's not even slightly plausible. What a muppet he is.)

Original poster
unleashingtheflyingmonkeys · 16/12/2021 20:45

So after trying to avoid him, I've gone home and had it out

Hes finally admitted it is her ring. Apparently they bought it, it went off to be repaired, the wrong one was sent back. The jewellers were adamant it was the right one so his ex stormed out of the shop, he kept the ring. She bought another one that when they split up he stopped paying installments on but he kept this one.

More plausible than his last lot of bullshit, but bullshit none the less.

I've asked him to fuck off. No told him. I look a fool on social media as well as to family and friends.

We don't have kids (I do but older, hadn't had chance to tell them about my engagement yet as they're not due back from their dads for another week). So no awkward conversations with the kids I suppose.

I stayed strong, and ended it. Just waiting for him to move all his shit out.

Im more angry with myself. Yet again trusted a mug. They see me coming a mile off. Low self esteem, must be music to their ears.

As for the ring, I've said as there is no receipt, it needs to go back to the ex. Apparently he can't as she has a restraining order on him. Didnt know that but I do know. Never would have gotten this far if id known. I have passed it to my friend to return to her. At least I've righted a wrong for someone just before Xmas.

Now for the humiliation of telling people I'm single again when they ask where he is.

It really will take a miracle for me to trust anyone again. Everytime I put myself out there I get hurt. Time to work on me I think. Maybe some counselling to tackle the low self esteem and gullibility.

Thanks for your advice everyone

OP posts: