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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No school for you today then?

331 replies

DinosaurStompGrrrr · 15/12/2021 21:59

Today in the bank I was waiting with my DC and the man in front of us turns round to us and says to us ‘No school today for you then?’

DC term has finished (yes, private school) but when I said they were on holiday, I was told that it was ‘generous’ of the school. Innocuous comment on the one hand but I still responded ‘no work for you today then?’. I just felt he would not have said this to a man on his own. It felt like he wanted to just put his view even if unwelcome or unnecessary…

OP posts:
NinaDefoe · 17/12/2021 22:25

@NigellaBangBangTurkey

I don't think this was a Random Man Comment. I think it was a stranger reaching out for a short friendly exchange. Poor guy
I agree. I seem to attract strangers who want to chat and get asked all sorts of things. They have one thing in common, they’re all reaching out. I can’t think of one time it has offended me. Even when they seem a bit odd I respond. Polite chit chat is an art - maybe you could read up on it OP.
Jakadaal · 17/12/2021 22:31

Biscuit really?!

Devora13 · 17/12/2021 22:58

Probably just Mr Clueless trying to make conversation, but you know, I can see your point. I mean, what was your child supposed to say in response?
'No' would have been a correct answer, without the obligation to give personal information, which rather immediately ends that bit of social small talk.
People are often uncomfortable with periods of silence though, and have to fill the air with words to cover their discomfort.

LovelyIssues · 17/12/2021 23:31

Sounds more like he was making polite conversation and you came on MM to drop in your child goes to private school HmmWink

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 18/12/2021 00:03

I literally said this to someone today at the bus stop . Kid was shy but mum replied they'd been to the opticians. I said oh lucky you, getting to miss school to the kid and continued to make small talk with the mum until they got on their bus just harmless small talk. An opportunity for your child to learn how to make conversations with new people. Would you have been offended of it was a woman like me or is it something against men?

Copasetic · 18/12/2021 00:08

Absolutely the kind of thing my lovely dad (when he was alive) would have said. I'd hate to think anyone spoke was rude to him.

ancientgran · 18/12/2021 00:27

I agree. I seem to attract strangers who want to chat and get asked all sorts of things. Strangers always seem to talk to me but they tell me things rather than ask me things. One fun occasion was a young man with Down's asked me to dance in a shop where music was playing. We waltzed round the shop, his poor mother looked mortified at first but then she seemed to warm to it. At the end he bowed and we went on our way. My husband just said, "Only you, only you."

ancientgran · 18/12/2021 00:28

@Treesandsheepeverywhere

I literally said this to someone today at the bus stop . Kid was shy but mum replied they'd been to the opticians. I said oh lucky you, getting to miss school to the kid and continued to make small talk with the mum until they got on their bus just harmless small talk. An opportunity for your child to learn how to make conversations with new people. Would you have been offended of it was a woman like me or is it something against men?
But are you an old man? Probably OK if you aren't because it's the sort of thing old men challenge women with you know.
THEDEACON · 18/12/2021 04:21

Wow you really need to check your attitude You weren't being challenged You clearly have some sort of bee in your bonnet and you were just plain rude

Squeezita · 18/12/2021 04:42

Well done for your quick response, OP. How did he react?

Saoirse82 · 18/12/2021 04:47

@maddy68

Why are you offended by aam trying to make conversation? Jesus no wonder people don't bother
My thoughts exactly. You have a massive chip on your shoulder OP!
Squeezita · 18/12/2021 04:51

OP, ignore the handmaidens, you know from his tone and attitude that he was being judgemental.

The lengths women will go to to give a random, unknown man the benefit of the doubt over a woman sharing her experience is hilarious.

Saoirse82 · 18/12/2021 05:06

@CinnamonJellyBeans

It was a challenge.

The man clearly thought that the child should be in school. hence the "no school today for YOU". This sentence shows that as far as the man is concerned, school is on and the kid is not there.

Now, if school is indeed in session and a child is not there, the reason for non-attendance is invariably personal and never something pleasant: medical appt, bereavement, illness, family emergency. I would suggest that most of the time there is a valid reason and this is no one's business but the parent and school.

The man was either expecting the OP to make her excuse to him for her child's non-attendance, or wishing to assert himself by making her feel she he's caught her out.

I wonder if that nosy prick would actually step up to the plate and intervene if there was a genuine need: Kid half dressed in winter, parent with child showing no road safety, parent shouting at child in street. Probably not. He probably (like most people) thinks he's being a useful citizen with his passive aggressive challenge.

If he was just trying to make conversation, there are many easier and more polite ways.

In case it's not clear by now, I'd have gone nuts.

Oh wind your fucking neck, the man likely couldn't have given 2 shiny shites whether OPs child was in school or not, its called IDLE chit chat, people do it up and down the country every day, in queues, at bus stops etc. You must never leave the house, or thankfully live in a parallel universe to me!
Overthinkingx3 · 18/12/2021 05:07

Nope - op it is not because your kid goes to private school that people are saying you’re rude and he wasnt

My kids go to private school and I would say you’re being rude and he isn’t

It’s ok to give people the Benefit of the doubt . And reach out and be friendly

Peace !

RockinHorseShit · 18/12/2021 05:35

You are being ridiculous & setting your DC a fine example of how to be a weird, antisocial rude bitch. It was chit chat, he might live alone & be desperate for a bit of social interaction & unfortunately got you instead to make him feel like never bothering again

anon12345678901 · 18/12/2021 05:43

OP he asked a question to you, it's not because your kids in private education, I'm not jealous of that, which is what you're making out with that comment. I've been asked that question before when my sons been off, I just answer with the truth. It's quite simple really. Some people like to make conversation.

Witchcraftandhokum · 18/12/2021 07:03

I hope this private school teaches your kids to have better manners than you.

PinkWednesdays · 18/12/2021 09:02

@Squeezita

OP, ignore the handmaidens, you know from his tone and attitude that he was being judgemental.

The lengths women will go to to give a random, unknown man the benefit of the doubt over a woman sharing her experience is hilarious.

Handmaidens? 😂😂😂

The vast vast majority of this thread think OP is unreasonable, and you’ve come up with something as stupid as “handmaidens”. Are you feeling ok? 😂😂

PinkWednesdays · 18/12/2021 09:03

@Squeezita

OP, ignore the handmaidens, you know from his tone and attitude that he was being judgemental.

The lengths women will go to to give a random, unknown man the benefit of the doubt over a woman sharing her experience is hilarious.

Let me correct that for you:

You mean the lengths women will go to to find offence in anything a man does is hilarious.

CrankyFrankie · 18/12/2021 09:08

Older people are always making chit chat with my little boy and he loves it.

trilottie · 18/12/2021 09:14

Ah, welcome to a home educators life! It's constant! My daughter has got very good at explaining. Null points for the man who then said 'ah what's the capital of Brazil then eh?' nob.

RockinHorseShit · 18/12/2021 09:18

Squeezita
OP, ignore the handmaidens, you know from his tone and attitude that he was being judgemental.

The lengths women will go to to give a random, unknown man the benefit of the doubt over a woman sharing her experience is hilarious.

Really 😂😂😂😂 you must be a pretty ineffective feminist in RL to take this from this thread & as fecked up in your chip on the shoulder shaped interpretation of peoples motives as the OP is.

Bizarre as it might seem in your warped world, most of us do know the difference & are quite capable of ball breaking the perpetrators, when an offence really does occur. The rest of the time we are just normal people who take people as we find them & don't carry those huge chips everywhere with us😂

MarshaBradyo · 18/12/2021 09:19

@Squeezita

OP, ignore the handmaidens, you know from his tone and attitude that he was being judgemental.

The lengths women will go to to give a random, unknown man the benefit of the doubt over a woman sharing her experience is hilarious.

I find this sexist and derogatory - ‘handmaidens’
Abraxan · 18/12/2021 09:21

One has to ask if such double standards in the way this conversation is dealt with on this thread is actually yes, because my child was off due to a private education.

Absolutely nothing to do with the private school element. Dd went to private schools throughout her education, so I've definitely nothing against using the private school sector.

I still think you are being over sensitive and looking for offence at a very simple every day small talk incident. Your comments are very OTT.

Strictly1 · 18/12/2021 09:40

As a society it seems many want to be offended and challenge others as a result. It's leading to a very sad community where others don't bother making the once friendly chit chat as they may offend.
Being a woman I doubt had anything to do with it. You were already feeling ready to be offended. He was making small talk and you were rude and a bad role model to your child. Our children won't know how to be friendly at this rate. All very sad.

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