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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No school for you today then?

331 replies

DinosaurStompGrrrr · 15/12/2021 21:59

Today in the bank I was waiting with my DC and the man in front of us turns round to us and says to us ‘No school today for you then?’

DC term has finished (yes, private school) but when I said they were on holiday, I was told that it was ‘generous’ of the school. Innocuous comment on the one hand but I still responded ‘no work for you today then?’. I just felt he would not have said this to a man on his own. It felt like he wanted to just put his view even if unwelcome or unnecessary…

OP posts:
mumof2exhausted · 17/12/2021 17:56

I bet he assumed that his was off school because he had covid

TheCreamCaker · 17/12/2021 17:57

He was perhaps lonely and just making small talk. Some people are offended by anything these days.

007Stocko · 17/12/2021 17:58

Sorry @LubaLuca no idea why that attached to your message, I do apologies. It was meant to attach to the posters comment

Christinatherabbit · 17/12/2021 18:14

Sounds like just normal conversation that people make in ques. I don't understand your reaction or the way you are looking at in at all. No matter how he said it

Happyjoyjoy · 17/12/2021 18:17

This.

No school for you today then?
ancientgran · 17/12/2021 18:27

I've been thinking about it and I realise that I home schooled two of mine for several years and no one ever asked why they weren't at school. Maybe we don't look posh enough to bother about.

Isaidnomorecrisps · 17/12/2021 18:40

I think it’s fine. Only you know if he was making a point and you do reach a stage of wtf. I’ve had to move out of the way about 20 times of people just walking at or across me recently (have wondered if I’ve become invisible) and today a man cut his wife through straight in front of me - didn’t look, from behind a pillar diagonally across the pavement and didn’t slow when they saw me. I was clearly meant to do a sudden stop for them. I kept walking and my work bag hit her handbag relatively hard. She said well! and got all huffy. I said sorry cheerily and carried on. A surprising number of people are really quite rude / thoughtless and every so often you just decide f it. Happy weekend and move on I would say.

CatkinToadflax · 17/12/2021 18:46

Our builder - who is a young man! - saw DS1 wandering round the house in mid October and asked him “no school today then?” We replied that no, both DSs had two weeks. He said a cheerful “lucky you!” and carried on working. (Should you be interested, OP, DS1 actually attends a special school which happened to have a two week half term. Therefore only 50% of my children get posh school long holiday bragging rights! Hmm)

What a pity to try to turn this into a let’s-accuse-an-old-man-for-challenging-a-younger-woman opportunity. Hmm Confused It’s just the sort of thing my dad used to say when he was alive. He just wanted a chat when he was stuck in a queue.

NarcissaMalfoysManicure · 17/12/2021 18:49

@Happyjoyjoy

This.
Gooseberry and cinnamon yoghurt?
Thesearmsofmine · 17/12/2021 18:55

I home ed and yes it’s just a easy conversation starter for people and happens to us regularly, my answer varies depending on if I have time for a chat about home educating or not! Such a strange thing to get het up about.

Genzymoo · 17/12/2021 19:15

@DinosaurStompGrrrr

But why do older men need to challenge younger women? Would they say that to a man?
Would you have felt as offended.put out if a woman (of any age) said that to you?

I'm perhaps more inclined to give older people a bit of latitude when it comes to comments about various things, but I don't think I'd see this as a dig at me or child; more just chit chat and a suggestion that it's generous for a school to start holiday a week and a half before Christmas Day...

Mbluebelle · 17/12/2021 19:44

OP don’t worry about it. I’ve been irritated many times by the inquisition (always in Waitrose!!) about where exactly my kids go to school when they’re on a longer holiday than state schools. Sometimes it’s quite intrusive. Just ignore it. You don’t need to explain anything to anyone xx

ancientgran · 17/12/2021 19:58

@CatkinToadflax

Our builder - who is a young man! - saw DS1 wandering round the house in mid October and asked him “no school today then?” We replied that no, both DSs had two weeks. He said a cheerful “lucky you!” and carried on working. (Should you be interested, OP, DS1 actually attends a special school which happened to have a two week half term. Therefore only 50% of my children get posh school long holiday bragging rights! Hmm)

What a pity to try to turn this into a let’s-accuse-an-old-man-for-challenging-a-younger-woman opportunity. Hmm Confused It’s just the sort of thing my dad used to say when he was alive. He just wanted a chat when he was stuck in a queue.

Young man? He's just an old man in waiting.
Offmyfence · 17/12/2021 19:58

@Mbluebelle

OP don’t worry about it. I’ve been irritated many times by the inquisition (always in Waitrose!!) about where exactly my kids go to school when they’re on a longer holiday than state schools. Sometimes it’s quite intrusive. Just ignore it. You don’t need to explain anything to anyone xx
Male or female inquisition?

It makes a difference!

ancientgran · 17/12/2021 20:01

Young or old? That makes a difference as well.

Maybe we need them put in order.

Is it
Old men
Young men
Old women
Young women

Or
Old men
Old women
Young men
Young women

We need all the information or we won't know how annoyed to be.

Dnaltocs · 17/12/2021 20:20

Hope you get better soon.

RockyReef · 17/12/2021 20:22

YAB completely U! He was just chatting to your child, he was probably thinking that it was a boring queue and he could alleviate that boredom a bit for your child. Oh and lots of the state schools around here were already broken up on the 15th so I don't think that's a marker of privilege or relevant to the nice man who was trying to chat to you. Still good job you put him off being pleasant to a child again....

Offmyfence · 17/12/2021 20:23

@Dnaltocs

Hope you get better soon.
😂
TinyDancer275 · 17/12/2021 20:45

Poor man

Abraxan · 17/12/2021 21:01

@DinosaurStompGrrrr

But why do older men need to challenge younger women? Would they say that to a man?
But was he challenging you? It sounded very much like small talk from a stranger - a very very normal type of conversation you'd have in a queue ime.
AnneElliott · 17/12/2021 21:06

I think it depends on the tone of voice - you probably had to be there! But I agree there is a certain type of older man that feels free to make comments to women he wouldn't to a bloke.

Although as a kid I remember the bank cashier saying to my mum quite aggressively 'why isn't that child in school?' While pointing at me!

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 17/12/2021 21:07

As per the poster on page one.. you should try home educating! Especially when we are out and about in a large group with children of all ages Grin Even then it’s usually just friendly conversation.. I can count on one hand the times it’s been anything else.

Justrestingmyeyes1 · 17/12/2021 21:39

Seems to me people go out of their way to be offended at the most innocuous things.

SallyWD · 17/12/2021 22:07

Poor man, just making conversation with a child. I'm certain he would have said the same if it was a man with your DS.

NigellaBangBangTurkey · 17/12/2021 22:11

I don't think this was a Random Man Comment. I think it was a stranger reaching out for a short friendly exchange. Poor guy