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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No school for you today then?

331 replies

DinosaurStompGrrrr · 15/12/2021 21:59

Today in the bank I was waiting with my DC and the man in front of us turns round to us and says to us ‘No school today for you then?’

DC term has finished (yes, private school) but when I said they were on holiday, I was told that it was ‘generous’ of the school. Innocuous comment on the one hand but I still responded ‘no work for you today then?’. I just felt he would not have said this to a man on his own. It felt like he wanted to just put his view even if unwelcome or unnecessary…

OP posts:
RandomLondoner · 16/12/2021 08:40

it was def more of the ‘kids off all time’ tone

Even if he did use a challenging tone, I would still construe this as banter. He would have to sound seriously aggressive for me to hear it any other way.

It would never cross my mind that anyone seriously gave a fuck why my child wasn't in school. Even if I'd illicitly pulled them out for some reason, it's of so little importance to anyone else I couldn't interpret anything they said as meaning they cared.

Having said that, I disagree with the people calling you rude. Unless you said it in an obviously aggressive way, "no work for you today then" should, in that context, have come across as banter.

NinaDefoe · 16/12/2021 08:41

@100problems

This wasn't even a molehill before you upgraded it to a mountain, built a resort and chair lift and opened a ski school.
A private ski school
mellicauli · 16/12/2021 08:41

Well if he didn’t have a bad opinion of private schools, I guess he has one now

Cocomarine · 16/12/2021 08:41

How much bank queue tailgating was going on for you to deduce that it was a large transaction?! 😳

Elodeastar · 16/12/2021 08:44

@Savoretti

I would have simply taken that as him making polite conversation
Me too, why do we always have to read meaning into everything?
DappledThings · 16/12/2021 08:47

One has to ask if such double standards in the way this conversation is dealt with on this thread is actually yes, because my child was off due to a private education.
There's no double standard. He made idle chit-chat whereas you were aggressive and rude.

100problems · 16/12/2021 08:47

@NinaDefoe I stand corrected.

That said one's own PE kids don't break up until this Friday. Op must pay an absolute wad more.

Every PE kid parent I know sort of does a little sob when someone asks this fella's question, especially at the start of the what seems like years long summer holiday Grin

CoffeeWithCheese · 16/12/2021 08:52

We get asked it a lot around here - we live on a county border and the nearest town to shop in is a different LEA with different term dates. It's just people making chit chat.

Hoppinggreen · 16/12/2021 08:56

My Dc are at Private school and I think you are being ridiculous

dhdislsndh · 16/12/2021 09:01

How rude you were! I would not have taken offence at all and I am known to be quite sensitive! To say about work when many people can't work for various reasons is horrible.

GrannytoaUnicorn · 16/12/2021 09:03

@barbrahunter

yabu for not using online banking, it's so much easier.
Excuse you?! You have no does why OP was in the bank and she most certainly does not have to justify it to you!! The absolute nerve!
Glitterblue · 16/12/2021 09:08

@Hercisback

You got offended by that? Wow.
This.
Pinkyxx · 16/12/2021 09:08

My DD goes to private school and she would have politely replied to explain her holiday had begun. Maybe he was lonely and just looking for a little human contact?

I'll think twice before making polite chit chat again... sad the world is such that every comment is analyzed for potential offense..

Happy1982ish · 16/12/2021 09:10

@Pinkyxx

My DD goes to private school and she would have politely replied to explain her holiday had begun. Maybe he was lonely and just looking for a little human contact?

I'll think twice before making polite chit chat again... sad the world is such that every comment is analyzed for potential offense..

Why would you think twice?

Very very clearly - the op is on her own in this one. Read the comments!

ancientgran · 16/12/2021 09:14

Doesn't sound like a challenge. I don't see what it being an older man has to do with it, ageist and sexist. Women chat in queues and I bet you never get upset about that.

MarshaBradyo · 16/12/2021 09:16

If he did want a bit of human contact he’s going to be feeling pretty bad poor guy

AnotherOneWithNoGoodName · 16/12/2021 09:18

It wouldn't bother me. I wouldn't have said anything about holidays etc though, I'd have just told him no, not today. and then after leaving the bank swiftly forgotten about it.

Flowers500 · 16/12/2021 09:19

@DinosaurStompGrrrr

Wow! Thank you all so much for commenting. I haven’t had time to read through to respond to any particular points yet but one thing does strike me about some posts.

My comment to him is rude and insensitive even though he was in a bank (looking by all accounts doing a pretty big transaction as it goes) as it’s insensitive because he might not be able to work (implication I was picking on the poor). However, his comment to me considering he didn’t know anything about me either (I could have just been through a bereavement or not been able to afford to get my child to school that day) wasn’t insensitive but making chit chat.

One has to ask if such double standards in the way this conversation is dealt with on this thread is actually yes, because my child was off due to a private education.

I get if I was sensitive. I don’t get your double standards.

Your comment was rude as fuck because a man tried to make small talk with your child and you took it all as a personal insult. You acted like a paranoid Rottweiler. HTH.
Carryonmarion · 16/12/2021 09:21

There is more to human communication than words e.g. tone, body language, facial expression. If OP, given the context and the fact that she was face to face with the man, felt that he was being challenging/ a dick it's likely he was. It's not unreasonable to come to that conclusion. Think of the classic, "smile, it might never happen" and how that seemingly innocent phrase is used by men to get a certain reaction from women under the guise of polite chitchat.

awmum2b · 16/12/2021 09:21

We went to Private School and my mum got fed up of the amount of times we were brought home by the police for bunking off school....this was in the olden days when the police had more time on their hands!

Stillgoings · 16/12/2021 09:21

I would think he was wanting a chat. ☹️

Flowers500 · 16/12/2021 09:22

OP: bullies an elderly man in a bank queue, comes on a site of women expecting to be supported

IncompleteSenten · 16/12/2021 09:25

What did he reply to your question?

Clymene · 16/12/2021 09:25

@Carryonmarion

There is more to human communication than words e.g. tone, body language, facial expression. If OP, given the context and the fact that she was face to face with the man, felt that he was being challenging/ a dick it's likely he was. It's not unreasonable to come to that conclusion. Think of the classic, "smile, it might never happen" and how that seemingly innocent phrase is used by men to get a certain reaction from women under the guise of polite chitchat.
But he didn't say 'smile it might never happen'. He was making conversation Confused
saoirse31 · 16/12/2021 09:28

Do you see many people op? The guy was clearly making polite conversation . I'm actually at a loss as to how this turned into some kind of underhand attack on you as a woman and on how you educate your children.