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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say her cat can’t come for Christmas?

184 replies

OneRuleForThem · 14/12/2021 21:39

Someone who is invited for Christmas Day at mine has said they are being their kitten. This is not normal behaviour, right, asking to any pet owners? I don’t know much about pets but kittens can be left alone for much, much longer than puppies can, I think and would be ok for one single day by themselves if pre planned. I don’t understand why she want to bring it with her just because it’ll be Christmas Day. AIBU to say it can’t come I don’t want it ruining things? Haven’t replied yet.

OP posts:
GCMM · 15/12/2021 21:10

What is wrong with people? Cats are not dogs, you don't take them out with you, they just aren't suited for it.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 15/12/2021 21:17

As long as the cat wouldn't end up homeless, eh OP [wink[

MsJinks · 15/12/2021 21:37

Bless the cat - it’s not going to enjoy it’s first Xmas. I think you’re right to put it in one room but be prepared for the devastation in there. It will scratch and climb more than likely and try to hide as it won’t know it will be left in peace, it will just be scared. It would hide probably wherever you let it go. I took my big, fat ginger boy to my daughters as we were staying 2 nights and he was very unhappy about it - he stayed in the kitchen as the only available space, and didn’t come out if the door was open or not (we ate at a different house) but couldn’t even hide well enough to feel fully safe - my daughter was also not happy with the litter tray 🤦🏻‍♀️
Whilst common thought is cats can be left for ages, up to date understanding is that it stresses them and they miss you - or are stressed at being unable to go out/roam about - and this one is still young, maybe still has 3 meals. There’s also quite a few accidents that could happen especially with a younger cat. So actually the cat shouldn’t be left all day, but probably not loads better making it stay elsewhere all day even if safer. And whilst I love cats I fully understand not wanting a visiting one especially on Xmas day.
Could she not cut her time with you down? Get someone to check on it? Visit home a couple of times?

Original poster
OneRuleForThem · 15/12/2021 22:12

Perhaps insist has to be kept in a cage in another room if it’ll wreck my house?

OP posts:
MusicTeacherSussex · 15/12/2021 22:20

Poor kitten. You're all BU

CheshireKitten123 · 15/12/2021 22:28

@MusicTeacherSussex

Poor kitten. You're all BU
Agreed.

But DP is being unreasonable by bullying OP into having the kitten when she doesn't want to.

Is he manipulative in other ways OP?

LittleOwl153 · 15/12/2021 22:37

Tbh if that was DPs attitude towards me then I'd tell him tomgo elsewhere... and probably stay there! That's just plain bullying. Hope there are no kids involved!

MsJinks · 15/12/2021 22:38

I’ve not met a cat yet that is happy to go to new houses and just hang around in them, all I’ve had/come across are pretty scared in the unknown place and mostly they want to hide. Even visiting cats that go around several houses take their time mostly before they decide they can come in and own the place 🤦🏻‍♀️ Having said that the only kitten I had was fine so it could, just could be ok. I think it will be happier in a safe room but your sil should stay in there a bit with it so it feels ok. She could perhaps keep it with her, even carry it around, but doubt it would be ok with that all day. Even if it would settle/hide a bit in your main room with her there’s people it doesn’t know and it’s likely to get easily spooked so want to run off. Thing is cats take their time to learn where they are and understand the territory so can’t just adapt to changes in their space. However I’m not sure a cage will work, but maybe it depends how big it is, they’re not really fans of being caged but someone else might know better on that.
Thinking about it your sil should know her cat, how it might behave and what’s best for it - if you can bring yourself to discuss that with her? Perhaps she regularly takes it visiting and it’s socialised already 🤔

1FootInTheRave · 15/12/2021 22:43

You need a new dp.

Livpool · 15/12/2021 22:47

Just say no.

What is it with people trying to take cats and dogs everywhere, as if they are children?! It is weird

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 15/12/2021 23:03

Our cat gets so stressed as soon as the carrier comes out, there is no way we would take her somewhere that wasn’t absolutely critical - like medical care. She will be delighted to get an early dinner and the house to herself!

viques · 15/12/2021 23:13

Most sixth month old cats have owners who work, and most owners who work have, in the past at least, worked outside the home, so to be fair it is not unusual for a cat of that age to be left on its own in a home for the whole day. Make sure all windows , doors and cat flaps are closed, heating on low if it is very cold, food , water , a litter tray and a cosy place to sleep available and the cat will be fine.

MabelsApron · 15/12/2021 23:14

@OneRuleForThem

Perhaps insist has to be kept in a cage in another room if it’ll wreck my house?
At this point please give me the kitten. Nobody in this scenario deserves to have a kitten.
Butchyrestingface · 15/12/2021 23:24

I'm allergic and dislike cats so like fuck would someone be bringing one to my house for Christmas Day although if it were a puppy, all bets are off.

But neither would I leave a young kitten on its own all day long. So in her place, I'd be spending Christmas Day at home and if your friend is a proper friend to the cats, I would expect her to put her money where her mouth is and stay home with the cat. Parenting demands sacrifices and she's got roughly 16 years of it ahead of her. Grin

nordica · 15/12/2021 23:31

Setting up one room actually sounds the safest option. The biggest risk with taking pets to stay in other people's houses is always escape and getting lost in a new area. Facebook is full of posts from people whose cat or dog has gone missing while a friend was looking after them and they slipped out.

viques · 15/12/2021 23:56

@Broads93

I keep my house like a show home, no way would anyone be bringing anything into my house without my say so, especially pets that just malt and have "accidents" everywhere.
You do realise that us humans moult hair, discard skin cells almost continually, breathe out microbes and germs, have hands covered in various unpleasant substances and carry zoo loads of living creatures that live on our skin, in our eyelashes etc etc. I recommend wrapping all visitors in cling film.
Pugdogmom · 15/12/2021 23:57

I'd tell your DP to fuck off along with his sister. Nobody should be forcing you to do anything. I'd actually invite the kitten, and tell those two to do one!

Avocadoseed · 15/12/2021 23:59

If I didn’t have a dog I would love someone to bring their kitten to mine on Xmas day!

LittleOwl153 · 16/12/2021 00:15

my house...

OP what's the housing situation? If it's yours and your "dp" is a visitor too, or you're renting, with no permission for.animals then tell her absolutely not.

It does sound though you dp is being a tad controlling though - especially if it is your space rather than shared with him - whats he like on other issues where he disagrees/ relates to his family?

DogsandCatsB4u · 16/12/2021 01:10

Weird I have a cat if 11 and always left her, I now have two dogs and will leave them for about 4 hours on Xmas day

caringcarer · 16/12/2021 01:15

I would not leave a 3 month old kitten alone, it would be scared. I would stay home with it.

CheshireKitten123 · 16/12/2021 10:54

@Pugdogmom

I'd tell your DP to fuck off along with his sister. Nobody should be forcing you to do anything. I'd actually invite the kitten, and tell those two to do one!
GrinGrin
2Rebecca · 16/12/2021 10:57

This is stuff you ask about when first invited somewhere. I'd be looking at ditching the "partner"

LemonSwan · 16/12/2021 11:08

I took my kitten for first xmas, was about 6 mo old. He loved it. Found a cubby hole in the kitchen above the microwave and enjoyed watching the xmas chaos in the kitchen all day.

We were there for a whole weekend though. Unlikely we would have done that for a day trip.

IntermittentParps · 16/12/2021 11:41

@OneRuleForThem

my partner said i can’t stoo his sister from coming over for Christmas and if I say no then he will not be at home on the day and will spend it elsewhere, that’s how I’ve been forced into it.
So tell him 'fine' and enjoy a Christmas Day to yourself. For the love of God don't let her come and put the kitten in a room on its own all day.