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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say her cat can’t come for Christmas?

184 replies

OneRuleForThem · 14/12/2021 21:39

Someone who is invited for Christmas Day at mine has said they are being their kitten. This is not normal behaviour, right, asking to any pet owners? I don’t know much about pets but kittens can be left alone for much, much longer than puppies can, I think and would be ok for one single day by themselves if pre planned. I don’t understand why she want to bring it with her just because it’ll be Christmas Day. AIBU to say it can’t come I don’t want it ruining things? Haven’t replied yet.

OP posts:
welshladywhois40 · 15/12/2021 08:48

When I went home for Christmas for a few days we took our cats. They were older but my family loves cats so were happy to have them

Sunshineandflipflops · 15/12/2021 09:05

I have always had cats and they have always been left for mot of the day while we went to work/school.

They have food, water, a bed and a cat flap in and out of the garden so all they miss is a bit of fuss.

Even if the kitten doesn't go outside, it will be fine for a day with a litter tray. People who get pets then expect everyone else to change their plans to accommodate it really annoy me!

icedcoffees · 15/12/2021 09:11

@KittekatMP

i left mine home alone all day from the day after we got her at 8 weeks

Blimey. Not sure that is something to be proud of.

At 8 weeks kittens need feeding 4 times a day plus they need love, care and interaction. I think it’s pretty neglectful to be leaving them all day at that age.

OP - I think you are reasonable to say no but I also think your guest should stay at home with the kitten.

Neglectful indeed Hmm

She had automatic feeders for her wet meals and plenty of biscuits left out, plus water, litter trays, beds, a scratch post and toys.

Do you really think everyone who gets a cat spends weeks settling in it? They're not puppies - they're absolutely fine on their own.

greenlynx · 15/12/2021 09:16

No you didn’t ruin her Christmas, She could leave kitten at home and keep her visit as short as possible. Or just stay at home.

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 15/12/2021 09:16

i would suggest guests are in no position to say who or what is also coming, Very bad mannered,

icedcoffees · 15/12/2021 09:17

@Sunshineandflipflops

I have always had cats and they have always been left for mot of the day while we went to work/school.

They have food, water, a bed and a cat flap in and out of the garden so all they miss is a bit of fuss.

Even if the kitten doesn't go outside, it will be fine for a day with a litter tray. People who get pets then expect everyone else to change their plans to accommodate it really annoy me!

Finally, another voice of sanity Grin

What do people who never leave their cart all day think of cat sitters who pop in maybe every 12 or even 24 hours to put food down and clean out the litter trays?

Ragwort · 15/12/2021 09:21

What's your relationship with this guest? Is she is so totally tone deaf that she doesn't appreciate that few people include pets in their Christmas Day invitation then you just have to reiterate that her kitten is not your problem. Her Christmas is only ruined 'in her opinion' surely she can have a lovely day at home with the kitten Hmm?

Expecting hosts to accept pets is ridiculous and entitled, I am the first to admit that I am not a pet lover, we had one occasion when an elderly relative did ask if she could bring her dog with her, it was a nightmare, aunt had assured us that dog would stay in the utility room all night, of course it then whined and whined all night (the room was underneath our bedroom) in the end we relented and allowed the dog into aunts bedroom ... but never invited the anoint to stay again.

People who have pets should understand that not everyone wants to host them.

user478932071 · 15/12/2021 09:23

She should be able ti bring her young 3mth kitten, what’s the big deal?

IntermittentParps · 15/12/2021 09:35

Depends exactly how old it is, but up to about six months, leaving them for longer than about six hours isn't a good idea.
But coming to a strange house might not be good either, although I guess it depends on the individual.
Your friend sounds a bit dramatic saying you've ruined her entire Christmas. Then again replying 'And?' would obvs be rude too.

Anyway, in her shoes I'd ask someone to come in to either cat-sit or pop in every couple of hours to check it and play with it a bit.

Sunshineandflipflops · 15/12/2021 09:36

@icedcoffees When I go on holiday either my neighbour or mum pops in once a day and leaves fresh food/water so effectively she is alone for up to a week. She's always been fine when we've got back! This is why we've always had cats and not dogs!

MabelsApron · 15/12/2021 09:42

It's particularly cruel to a cat because they're intensely territorial - when they're taken outside of their home, it distresses them. Dogs are pack animals and as long as their pack is there, being in a strange house is OK, but cats aren't like that. Kitten needs to stay at home and owner needs to work around it.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/12/2021 09:46

Perhaps she should just come for a much shorter time and leave the kitten?

I can understand not wanting to leave it at that age, but bringing it to yours isn’t the answer either

Flowers500 · 15/12/2021 09:50

If it's your friend and it's in a box in another room, with her going in to feed it occasionally, why not?

ChampagneLassie · 15/12/2021 09:52

Pre covid when most people went out to work wouldn't most people leave kittens along all day? However I'm at home all time now and my cat has got so used to it I feel guilty when I go out for long stretches. But this is her problem. She shoukd have called and had a chat about it as bringing a kitten is bizarre ask. I reckon it would be much happier left home on own than strange place and travelling

LagunaBubbles · 15/12/2021 09:53

Is it a good friend?

Hmumoftw0 · 15/12/2021 09:56

People are strange in 2021

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 15/12/2021 10:02

My family are happy to bring all of their pets to my house and mine to theirs, dogs cats, anything. When my DS stays for a week they always bring their cats and they are fine. I think a home without our animal friends isn't a home at all.

Fatgalslim · 15/12/2021 10:04

you said originally the kitten was 3 months, then changed that to no, she's had it 3 months because people were saying it's cruel to leave one so young.

I call bullshit

icedcoffees · 15/12/2021 10:09

@user478932071

She should be able ti bring her young 3mth kitten, what’s the big deal?
Why should OP have to deal with the hassle of someone else's pet in her home?
throwa · 15/12/2021 10:09

At 5/6 months they are absolutely fine to be left. We have always left ours from 8/9 weeks when we got them in the past (in the dim and distant past when people used to go to work in offices in the day time rather than working from home...)

A kitten shouldn't be going outside at this point as they may not be neutered yet, so so long as the litter tray is clean, they have water, have had a large breakfast and perhaps leave some dry biscuits down for them in case they fancy a lunch time snack, they will be absolutely fine until you return.

You may of course get some dirty looks from the cat for not being around... or they may not even notice.

VestaTilley · 15/12/2021 10:09

Just tell her no. Kittens can be destructive, it’ll be fine if left for a few hours with plenty of food, water and a litter tray.

You don’t have to accommodate anyone else’s pet unless it’s a guide dog.

I have two DCats myself but I wouldn’t take them to anyone else’s house!

Prestel · 15/12/2021 10:22

*you said originally the kitten was 3 months, then changed that to no, she's had it 3 months because people were saying it's cruel to leave one so young.

I call bullshit*

Kittens are usually kept with the mother until 3 months, so if it's genuinely only 3mths old then the OPs friend would have only just adopted it and really shouldn't be taking it anywhere anyway as it's still getting used to its new home. The only solution in the case of a very young kitten would be for the friend to leave the kitten at home and shorten her visit to just an hour or two, so the OP isn't BU whichever age it is.

Snailhaterz2 · 15/12/2021 10:30

I've got a reasonably confident 7 month kitten who has spent a lot of time with me as I've worked from home since I got her, and I'd never do this. Every time I've taken her to the vet she's been unhappy in her carrier, reluctant to come out of it at the other end, and seriously cross by the time I've got her home. I've been away overnight a few times since I've got her and all the evidence is that she just ate, slept and played while I was away.

Loyaultemelie · 15/12/2021 10:31

Just to say I have hand reared a kitten a few years ago who was unable to eat until 10 weeks and was still being hand fed tiny amounts of mousse at 12 weeks. I couldn't leave him for more than 2 hours because he was still bottle fed for the majority of his intake and needed help toileting, although I probably wouldn't have taken him anywhere I'd have just stayed home with him. I'm currently hand rearing a disabled kitten who is 6 weeks and can eat wet kitten food and "go" himself but can't lap so still needs a bottle, so again if we were planning to go anywhere we would have to cancel or take him if he was invited.

icedcoffees · 15/12/2021 10:34

[quote Sunshineandflipflops]@icedcoffees When I go on holiday either my neighbour or mum pops in once a day and leaves fresh food/water so effectively she is alone for up to a week. She's always been fine when we've got back! This is why we've always had cats and not dogs![/quote]
Exactly!

I'm currently sitting for two cats who get one visit a day. I went in yesterday to feed them - one refused to come out from under the duvet and the other took a few minutes of fuss then fucked off Grin

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