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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For refusing to straighten DSDs hair?

132 replies

FluffyBastard · 14/12/2021 17:17

DSD is 12 and has frizzy curly hair (made worse by the fact that her dad let her get it chemically straightened last year, now it’s just a massive frizzy mess). She’s really self conscious about it so at weekend I sat with her and straightened it for her. It took fucking ages, well over an hour. I talked her through it and showed her how to do it etc - got her to do bits of it herself so she could show me she understood how to do it. She loved the finished result and immediately ran off to do TikTok. Her dad loved it too so I proudly told him I’d shown her how to do it so she can have it like that all the time but had explained it will take ages everytime she does it.

So yesterday, busy day. We went to a Christmas thing on the evening, didn’t get back until almost 8pm. Nobody had eaten so I put dinner on as soon as we walked through the door. I then had to walk the dog and then go and get a shower. Sat down to eat finally and made a comment similar to “god can’t believe it’s getting on for 10pm!” To which DP said “I know! And you have DSDs hair to do yet!” … errr sorry!? Apparently she’d gone to wash it and was awaiting my arrival upstairs. I said “no, sorry - I’m not doing that tonight! It takes over an hour, it’s nearly 10pm, I’ve just sat down to eat and I’m at work in morning! I’m watching The Cockfields and then going to bed!”

Well it all kicked off, he shouted that I was selfish and uncaring, DSD shouted that I was being so unfair and selfish - started crying that she couldn’t possibly go back to school with frizzy hair again … I said she should have asked me first before washing it!!

I also explained that the first incident was a one off to show her how to do it - I told them this at the time! DP insisted that I had said I’d do it for her everytime and would now be expected to live up to that promise! Absolute bullshit, I never agreed to do all the time, I said I’d show her how to do it!! I barely have time to look after my own hair with sitting fit hours doing hers too! WIBU?

OP posts:
Insertfunnyname · 14/12/2021 17:18

You don’t need a vagina to straighten hair. Her dad can sit and do it. Problem solved. He can even watch a few YouTube videos first if he wants tips.

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 14/12/2021 17:20

That’s hilarious.

They’re deluded.

No way.

AwkwardPaws27 · 14/12/2021 17:21

Not unreasonable at all - fine if you were to show her a few more times until she gets the hang of it, but not for your DP to say you have to do it at 10pm and anytime after that.

Just a thought - maybe steer her towards the curly girl method (there's a community on tiktok so you might be able to get her interested that way)? If she falls in love with her curls & how to care for them, then no more straighteners!

SexyNeckbeard · 14/12/2021 17:21

Yanbu that they should have asked you but it sounds likd you have a dp problem. Can you plait it for her?

Xyzzzzz · 14/12/2021 17:21

@Insertfunnyname

You don’t need a vagina to straighten hair. Her dad can sit and do it. Problem solved. He can even watch a few YouTube videos first if he wants tips.
Best quote ever you don’t need a vagina to straighten hair
Sportsnight · 14/12/2021 17:22

Completely agree. But also, curly hair can be beautiful- is there anyone who can show her how to manage it properly?

fairynick · 14/12/2021 17:23

It’s seems like her curls aren’t taken care of. Have you tried the curly girl method?

ExplodingCarrots · 14/12/2021 17:23

So you make dinner for them , you walk the dog and then you're shouted at by both of them for not doing this. What the fuck is he useful for ?
He could have straightened his DDs hair whilst you were doing dinner or walking the dog.

CustardCreamsAndMintTea · 14/12/2021 17:23

They are so rude. "You would be expected to live up to that promise?"

How on earth do you resolve this. They would need to do some serious grovelling or I would be gone!

Original poster
FluffyBastard · 14/12/2021 17:24

Thing is I’m not into style and beauty etc anyway! I can straighten hair and that’s about it. I’ve told her the curly hair looks better anyway but I wouldn’t have a clue how to stop the frizz, not my area of expertise I’m afraid!

OP posts:
Treacletoots · 14/12/2021 17:24

Wow. I mean what an overreaction. Does he always talk to you like this? Why can't he do it himself?

Lollypop701 · 14/12/2021 17:24

Seriously I’m mad on your behalf. At 12 she is perfectly capable of straightening her hair… it’s just easier for you to do it. Yanbu

User65412 · 14/12/2021 17:25

Shouted at you that you are uncaring? This is awful. Your dp sounds horrible.

FlorenceNightshade · 14/12/2021 17:26

I'd definitely be showing her how to embrace her curls. Diffusing is so much easier than straightening! But at 12 she is old enough to style it herself. Maybe she needs it cut to make it more manageable?
I have biological and step children and no way would I spend an hour a time on anyones hair! My own doesn't even get that! If your DP is that bothered then direct him to YouTube

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 14/12/2021 17:26

Anyone who’s tried the curly girl method knows it is way more faff and time than straightening hair.

It is usually evening by the time washed hair has dried enough to ‘scrunch out the effing crunch’.

Agree with the first poster - Dad does it.

FangsForTheMemory · 14/12/2021 17:27

So as well as being cook and dog-walker, you're an unpaid hairdresser? Fuck that shit. Show him how to do HIS daughter's hair and let him get on with it.

PinkyU · 14/12/2021 17:27

I think it’s unreasonable to think you can show a 12 year old how to use 200c hair straighteners once and expect that she can do A) safely and B) successfully.

NorthSouthcatlady · 14/12/2021 17:28

Not sure where to start with this! Can’t he do it or she do it? Why do you have to do it?! What did her last slave die of? As others have said l don’t spend this amount on my own hair, never mind someone else’s

Valaris · 14/12/2021 17:28

Why can't he do it? Confused

Username875645 · 14/12/2021 17:29

Tell him to pay for a Brazilian blow dry for Xmas

NovemberNovemberDarkNights · 14/12/2021 17:30

How long have you been with this twat?
Does DSD live with you?

I think frequently straightening her hair at her age isn't going to do her any favours.

Tell him to look up Curly girl method & get her sorted with that, it's another thing you don't need a vagina for!

Really have a think about your relationship because he sounds stupid, selfish,& lazy

Avonandice · 14/12/2021 17:31

Whats wrong with him doing it? My dad always used to straighten my hair once a week and he had a hairdryer and a brush - I had waist length hair at the time. He saw it as a time when we could have time to talk and plan stuff.

ThatCampWitch · 14/12/2021 17:34

YANBU not to want to do this, but, and perhaps this is just me, as someone with very curly hair, I’m not entirely comfortable about the repeated use of the word ‘frizzy.’ Frizzy is really quite insulting, and I’m sure it’s not the case in your particular situation, for me, and many others, words like ‘frizzy’ and ‘kinky’ are seen as a bordering on a race issue. Just one angle. Apologies if you think I’m waaaaay off the mark here, and on reflection, I think I probably am, and I’m no doubt projecting massively, but if you can, ask her dad to try not to encourage the message that straight hair is the right hair.

ToughTittyWhompus · 14/12/2021 17:34

YANBU.

Tell him to look up The Curly Girl method and implement it himself.

LethargicActress · 14/12/2021 17:34

He could have watched a you tube video and done it himself. I could understand her asking if you’d do it again and making it a plan for one evening, but for them both to assume you’d do it without even asking is rude and disrespectful.