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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP applying for the same job as me?

120 replies

Two4oneJob · 14/12/2021 14:58

Have name changed as this is identifiable.

I’ve been unemployed for a long time. SAHM plus have a disability means that it has been virtually impossible to get back into work. Have applied for numerous jobs and TBH the longer I apply the less employable I become, especially as a lot of employers are now requesting references from paid employment now within the past two years.

DP has a job and has been working for the same company for a while.

A friend has sent me a link to a job, they’re leaving this job to go elsewhere and so thought I might want to apply for it.

Meanwhile DP has seen it as well and thinks he would like to apply for it as well.

Thing is, as DP has more recent experience etc it’s far more likely that he would get it.

I don’t want to be in a position where we are competing for the same job and where if one of us gets it it leads to resentment on the part of the other.

I do actually think that DP would get this job over me, but I need a job and he essentially doesn’t as he already has one.

But neither do I want to tell him that he should step aside to give me a better chance.

So should I just leave the opportunity open for DP and not apply myself?

OP posts:
TooWicked · 14/12/2021 15:00

I don’t know what you should do but, whether justified or not, this would really piss me off if I were you!

Palavah · 14/12/2021 15:02

Well, would it be good for the family if DP got it? I would be cheesed off but rather DP got it than someone else.

There are schemes which support people with disabilities into work placements. Are you connected with any of those?

Skeumorph · 14/12/2021 15:03

Does he know you are thinking of applying?

How much of a partner? - is he the father of your DC?

If yes then ABSOLUTELY he shouldn't apply for it and if he did, I'd find that really really hard to forgive, for both myself and the sake of the family. I would no longer feel that he had our best interests at heart.

ChangeChingyChange · 14/12/2021 15:04

Wtf. What kind of partner is he?! He should be gracious, stand aside and let you apply without the pressure of you applying to. The way you've spoken about it sounds like you've given up already which makes me think you're potentially a bit of a doormat where your DP is concerned - well not this time! He has a job and is being hugely unsupportive- tell him not to apply!

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 14/12/2021 15:04

You should both apply, if he doesn't you still might not get it and then he misses out too. DH and I work in the same industry it happens. Of you have gaps on your CV or don't interview well that's for you to resolve. If you aren't a good candidate you won't get the job regardless.

ChangeChingyChange · 14/12/2021 15:04

*without the pressure of HIM applying too.

DingDongDenny · 14/12/2021 15:04

In the same position as your DP I wouldn't apply for the job, but would support you in applying

InTheNameOfAllThatIsHonest · 14/12/2021 15:06

Does he know you've been struggling to get a job?

Xanorra · 14/12/2021 15:07

Why are the one making the sacrifice here?
Is your DP not supporting your efforts to find a job?
If you both apply it’s up the recruiter to choose between you, your DP and the other candidates.

JackieCollinshasnoauthority · 14/12/2021 15:09

But neither do I want to tell him that he should step aside to give me a better chance.

Why not?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/12/2021 15:13

Thing is, lots of other people will go for it too. I expect. So not just you v him. What if he doesn’t go for it, but you don’t get it anyway?

5keletor · 14/12/2021 15:15

I wouldn't have a problem with it. Even if he doesn't apply, chances are plenty others with more experience will, so you could both miss out.

Vapeyvapevape · 14/12/2021 15:15

It seems daft him going for the job when you don’t have one but he does. Tell him not to apply!

HollowTalk · 14/12/2021 15:18

@InTheNameOfAllThatIsHonest

Does he know you've been struggling to get a job?
Presumably! He's living with her.
CasparBloomberg · 14/12/2021 15:18

If you both apply and he gets it, is there any scope for him helping prepare you to interview for his old job?

Changecountetextraordinaire · 14/12/2021 15:20

Does he know you want to apply for the job?
Would it be a significant step up for him?
How do you think you would fare against any other applicants?
If him applying and being successful would help your family perhaps it would be good for him to apply, any increase in salary could go towards helping you study to better your chances of finding a job.

Original poster
Two4oneJob · 14/12/2021 15:22

There are schemes which support people with disabilities into work placements. Are you connected with any of those? there really aren’t, not for the kind of disability I have.

I am registered blind, and there is virtually no help out there to get into work. Even the VI-related charities have a shocking track record for recruiting blind candidates.

I did go through the job centre at one point, but they were sending me jobs for things like amazon delivery drivers and parking attendants. Confused

I have thought of becoming self employed, but I really can’t think what I would do.

OP posts:
AndTime · 14/12/2021 15:23

I think he should apply, then there are two chances fir your family to get this presumably better paid job.

There is no guarantee that you will get it even if he doesn't apply.

girlmom21 · 14/12/2021 15:23

Is the job better money/hours/progression than his current job?

I wouldn't resent him if it would benefit the family if he got the job.

Original poster
Two4oneJob · 14/12/2021 15:24

No he’s not the father of my children. He knows that I was thinking of applying.Thing is he has contacts within the organisation so I have little doubt he would be taken seriously. It’s significantly more money than he’s earning at the moment.

OP posts:
2TurtleDovesInARow · 14/12/2021 15:24

Hi OP have you spoken to Blind in Business? My husband is partially sighted and did some mentoring for them, they helped organise an ex colleagues access to work (taxis etc).

AndTime · 14/12/2021 15:26

Do you live together and how are your finances arranged?

It makes sense to me for him to apply if he has a serious chance of getting it. You could apply for his old job or he could recommend you as he is leaving.

CSJobseeker · 14/12/2021 15:27

You aren't just going to be up against your DP - you are going to be up against a number of other applicants as well, many of whom will have recent experience. If you are so certain you won't get the job above your DP, then you would surely be unlikely to get it even if he didn't apply?

However - I think you are doing yourself a disservice here. Who is to say you won't get the job above him? You are presumably qualified, and recent experience is only one part of the equation. Job searching often requires confidence and a thick skin, so please do have confidence in yourself and your abilities.

I would be annoyed that he is applying, because it seems thoughtless of him to make it harder for you. But it is not a given that he would get the job, not by a long way.

Original poster
Two4oneJob · 14/12/2021 15:27

@ 2TurtleDovesInARow blind in business only work with graduates now, which I’m not.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 14/12/2021 15:28

It’s significantly more money than he’s earning at the moment.

Then both go for it. If you double your chances of greatly improving your lifestyle it'd be mad not to.