Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying per head for Xmas dinner at sil house

285 replies

Michellexxx · 13/12/2021 18:21

We’re going for a ‘second Xmas’ at sisters house. They have requested that we each pay per head for the meal.. we have hosted about 3 Tim’s before and they have brought a course/bottle/maybe offered 20 quid one year. But if we don’t eat the cheese/drink the wine they brought, they took it home.
It’s been calculated that the family coming will basically pay for the food part and they’re gonna pay for extras..

It’s a relatively far drive and we’ve never charged like this- even when they stayed at ours and had all their meals here!

I have already suggested it’s a bit much for some family who are travelling. The hosts earn reasonably well, so I don’t understand this! We’re having to pay £45 to travel 2 hours and obv most people won’t be able to drink because they’re driving!

Am I over thinking this?

OP posts:
OakPine · 13/12/2021 22:01

Ugh. I hate this rudeness from them. I'd have to call it out too.
Say something like
"We hosted several times and did not charge you. Why are we now charging each other like customers now? Are you struggling financially? If so I'm happy to bring pudding and cake."
If you don't then they will likely always charge in future, and you, being polite, will not charge when they are at your house.
They are rude and grabby unless of course there is a backstory.

ArrrMeHearties · 13/12/2021 22:01

There's everyone chipping in by bringing a part of the meal like meat, veg, pudding or drinks. That is fine but expecting everyone to pay I don't think is right

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/12/2021 22:05

So you are going then? And paying? Hmm

witsendeverytime · 13/12/2021 22:07

If you were going to stay for a few days I'd expect you'd take them out for a meal and maybe help pay for a grocery shop. But inviting you for a family dinner and charging? If it's a financial burden they either shouldn't do it or ask people to bring a dish. Doesn't matter if it's Xmas or not.

Cici22 · 13/12/2021 22:07

I think you are all being a but stuck up. Times have changed, things are more expensive and energy prices are ridiculous.
Gave £20 towards ours for a family of 4, because we've all spent ages on reduced wages, job losses.
They may be a reason that she's asking! Or how about it's the season to be giving. Just offer what you can.

ThinWomansBrain · 13/12/2021 22:11

at £45 a head, either everything is coated with gold leaf, there's a bottle of champagne each - or they must be making a huge profit.
It's fair enough to ask guests to take a bottle maybe.

I'd rather go to a restaurant.
feel the love - do something nice & join by zoom

If you do go, and you don't feel you've had value for money, grag an unused bottle on your way out, or ask for change Hmm

Wherearemymarbles · 13/12/2021 22:12

Surely just say you’ll pay for food but not alcohol?

SmolCat · 13/12/2021 22:13

It just doesn’t feel in the spirit of Christmas somehow does it? Although oddly I’d have no trouble with asking/being asked to bring drinks/cake/cheese board etc.

Happymum12345 · 13/12/2021 22:14

It’s rude to invite people for a meal and then charge them for it. Even more so as you’ve hosted before and not charged. It would
be kind to offer to help in some way, take food etc, but personally, I’d give it a miss.

Twillow · 13/12/2021 22:19

I consider it extremely rude of hosts to ask for payment. It always seems to be well-off people who do this on these threads!
I'd suggest a local restaurant instead - that way at least you can choose what you eat if you're having to pay for it, and they will have to pay their own way too lol.

Justmuddlingalong · 13/12/2021 22:22

I would not take cash and bring my debit card out after the meal. Seems a normal way to make a transaction in covid times. 🤷‍♀️

Classica · 13/12/2021 22:23

There's no way I'd go. And no way I'm manage to be completely polite either. Pointed comments would be made.

The only scenario I could see it being acceptable to charge a guest for their Christmas dinner (or second Christmas dinner) would be if everyone was extremely hard up and spreading the cost ensured all had a nice time without an individual taking a financial hit they couldn't afford.

2catsandhappy · 13/12/2021 22:28

Ask her to email the menu. All the courses, sides and drinks.
Tell her you will be giving a review.

lottiegarbanzo · 13/12/2021 22:51

Speak to her.

repottingthescabious · 13/12/2021 22:58

@Michellexxx

They have done this before but didn’t ask for quite as much. It was a number of years ago. But the Turkey wasn’t cooked properly so everyone left after having a slice of beef and some veg..they apparently lived off Turkey curry etc for weeks 🙄 I just find it quite rude too!
stop.

that way madness lies.

just have your own family Cristmas at home and do not host again for this lot!

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/12/2021 23:17

She's your sister. Surely you can tell her she's being very rude and remind her of all the times you've hosted her without this grasping greediness? And that she can whistle for charging you a penny, it's just not happening?

Dasher789 · 14/12/2021 00:04

Iv never been charged but I'd be more than happy to chip in for our families Xmas lunch. The same person hosts every year. Its a lot of food and a lot of work. I'd much rather chip in for someone else to do it that host myself. My family travel from across the country so no one really brings anything themselves.

NatriumChloride · 14/12/2021 00:08

Wtf did I just read?? Charging family for a meal at your house? Absolutely batshit. No way.

WhatTimeIsItMrGinola · 14/12/2021 00:25

You'll go, you'll pay and you will enable them

DrManhattan · 14/12/2021 06:20

But you are still going? Fair play to them for getting away with it. Less CF and more doormat.

Ellen888 · 14/12/2021 07:07

@2catsandhappy

Ask her to email the menu. All the courses, sides and drinks. Tell her you will be giving a review.
GrinGrinGrin

I'd also tell environmental health her hygiene listing was out of date and the premises needed inspecting and then dob them in to the tax office as well.

But then I'm not nice....

notacooldad · 14/12/2021 07:11

These threads baffle me.
This year everyone is against it , some year's people think it's not a bad idea and say how expensive it is, how fuel prices are rising and it's a good idea to share the cost and you have the treat of a decent meal that you havent had to make or wash up, why should one couple should have all the costs etc
A few years ago I was appalled that idea of paying someone in the family for Christmas dinner but MN persuaded me it wasnt a bad idea. Now everyone hates the idea!!! 🤷‍♀️ 🤣

littlebilliie · 14/12/2021 07:43

Stay at home and spend your money on a lovely Christmas Day

readwhatiactuallysay · 14/12/2021 07:53

I understand why you want to go, its not about the meal, but about seeing the family.

£45 for a family to travel wouldn't bother me at all, we spend alot more than this visiting over the holiday and dont give it a second thought and to be honest if i had a relative who was struggling financially i would be more than happy to help them out to facilitate them having a turn at hosting......BUT they have gone about this all wrong i think with a charging by the head bloomin approach and charging for drink etc

I personally would have a private chat about why they are charging, should they maybe do a buffer style day instead to reduce the cost for them.
But i dont think you are being unreasonable in your situation.

purpledagger · 14/12/2021 07:56

I don't think asking for a contribution is a bad idea, because hosting can be expensive and stressful. But this should be something like help out by bringing a starter/pudding/side dish.

But requesting £45 - surely they must be making a profit, I mean, how can Xmas dinner at someone's house cost that much??? Unless they are fabulous cook and using Unicorn tears, what does £45 get you?