Gender selection

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 13/12/2021 02:00

I find this just really gross and as someone who had no choice but to do IVF to have my kids (and it was SO shit!) find it astonishing anyone would go through it voluntarily when they are likely to conceive naturally. They have just announced she’s pregnant with their much wanted boy.

Surely the fact they did go through it shows how much having a boy means to them.

Its not something I would do, or that ever concerned me, but its better to do it that way than have more and more children while hoping each one is a boy.

If they were my friends I wouldn't think ill of them at all.

FebreroFred · 13/12/2021 02:12

I think it’s a bit “ew” (as you put it) too

But it doesn’t actually have anything to do with you so 🙃

TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 13/12/2021 02:40

I wouldn’t do it, there’s obviously ethical concerns but I know people who object to any IVF due to ethical reasons. I would presume this couple buys into gender stereotypes so are very different people to me. I don’t agree with it and feel a bit sorry for their girls if they were a disappointment their parents. My partner was another boy that they didn’t want, ‘he should have been a girl’. 🙄Hopefully they won’t do sex selection again now they’ve had a boy.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 13/12/2021 05:40

I'm 99.99% certain i do not want a baby (and have affected fertility anyway), but should the unthinkable happen i would 100% want a boy.
If i do have a sudden change of heart, and there was a viable (financially as well as physically) method to ensure the baby was a boy, then yes, i'd do it.
My preference for a male child is that absolute, i cannot explain why, but if i imagine myself as a mother, it has always been with a son.

Gender preference isn't "wrong" or bad", neither is being equally happy with either gender.

If they have the ability to afford it, i see no reason not to do it. It's no less ethical to me personally than any other form of IVF. I see it the same way as screening embryos to make sure they don't have genetic defects. In the same way people choose to not use an embryo with a medical condition, some will choose to not use an embryo because of the gender. If you can pick and choose for one reason, you should be able to pick and choose for any reason.

CheesyFootballsAreEvil · 13/12/2021 06:29

Presumably they told your husband as they trusted him. They'd be gutted to find out he's told you and you've bad mouthed them.

Kbyodjs · 13/12/2021 06:33

I feel sorry for the girls they have in this scenario; unless they plan on hiding what they did (which rarely works forever) they’ll feel like why weren’t girls good enough and the last one if not two or more will feel they only had them to try and have a boy.

Darbs76 · 13/12/2021 06:40

I have no objection to people who do it. I really wanted a daughter after 2 sons and did some natural swaying. I met some ladies who were so desperate for a certain gender and it has a real impact on their lives. One lady had a number of boys and went overseas and had 2 embryos implanted which became 3 daughters. It cost an extortionate amount, over 20k I believe and they were far from rich. They added it to their mortgage. For some people it is massive and I totally understand those who needed IVF being angry at people who do this, but I guess no-one goes into IVF lightly.

onlyreadingneverposting8 · 13/12/2021 06:53

I think it's a stretch to assume their girls are a "disappointment" to them. I have 9 children and have never tried to influence the sex of my babies - just grateful to have them!! But I wouldn't think badly if someone for wanting the alternative sexed baby after 5 of one sex. And they have no idea what that baby will turn out like - I have a girl who is very gender neutral and only wears boys clothes.

PotatoGoblins · 13/12/2021 06:57

Doesn’t sit right with me, but not my circus, not my monkeys.
A friend of my parents had 4 girls very close together in age, and made no secret of it that they really wanted a boy. When their girls were all primary school age, they had a surprise baby - a boy. And that boy was honestly treated like The Boy King Blatantly favoured in every sense over his sisters, which I think is just plain cruel.

HoseMeDownWithHolyWater · 13/12/2021 07:00

I'd much rather people did this than have a child they didn't want.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 13/12/2021 07:08

I have 3 boys and next time would like a girl. We have the money to do this snd I’ve thought about it but I wouldn’t because ultimately I want the baby nature thinks I’m meant to have. If I’m meant to be the mother of 4 boys then that’s what I’m meant to be! Couldn’t judge someone who did it though, it’s their choice.

Fernando072020 · 13/12/2021 07:09

I agree, op. It really shouldn't matter if you have boys or girls, they're your children and people, and the sex of them shouldn't make a blind bit of difference.

RampantIvy · 13/12/2021 07:11

As someone who also had fertility issues I don't understand this either, and it doesn't sit right with me. I can understand it if it is to avoid genetic issues like haemophilia, but just to choose the sex of a baby like deciding whether you want red wine or white wine is just grim IMO.

HesBoughtAFuckingHat · 13/12/2021 07:13

It’s disgusting that this is legal in any country. Around the world babies are aborted every year simply because they are girls and now idiots think it is acceptable to select the baby the want to have. What’s next? Selecting babies to be more athletic, without autism, without freckles?

DoucheCanoe · 13/12/2021 07:30

It's not something I am comfortable with but I don't believe in gender stereotypes so I've never experienced disappointment over my child's sex.

Maybe it would be different if I had I suppose, I do know several people who have kept having children until they either can't have any more or get the one they want. It sends a pretty shitty message to the kids they have imo.

drpet49 · 13/12/2021 07:34

It’s disgusting that this is legal in any country. Around the world babies are aborted every year simply because they are girls and now idiots think it is acceptable to select the baby the want to have. What’s next? Selecting babies to be more athletic, without autism, without freckles?

^This

MrzClaus · 13/12/2021 07:40

"What’s next? Selecting babies to be more athletic, without autism, without freckles?"

I mean you can go to a sperm clinic where you can choose based on athletic ability / physical looks etc so this already happens.

OP, it sounds like you're comparing your IVF experience and desire for children to them being able to have children but doing IVF to ensure a boy. I don't think it's really a linear comparison and perhaps what's causing you to have such strong feelings about it. Their girls are very much wanted children, as will be their boy, the desire to have a boy doesn't mean they don't love their other children. They want to "complete" their family perhaps, and have done that in a way that means it's less distressing than trying naturally and having for example 2 more babies before a boy! I think the comparison here is a bit unfair, for them to travel to another country and pay through the nose for this should show you how much it means to them, it doesn't sound like they're doing it on a whim / without consideration.

lunar1 · 13/12/2021 07:40

I truly believe that adults placing such importance on their children's genitals have absolutely no business being parents.

Totalwasteofpaper · 13/12/2021 07:44

Its a bit really?
And I feel sorry for the 2 younger girls...

however it's not on par with abortion of a fetus due to its sex. That's a proper just no.

FebreroFred · 13/12/2021 07:49

@MrzClaus we did IVF

I interpreted it as “IVF was such a gruelling process I can’t understand someone wanting a specific gender so much that they were willing to go through it when they had no trouble conceiving” - which to be fair I agree with because it’s horrid!

JustDanceAddict · 13/12/2021 07:59

These stories make me 🙄
I always wanted a girl and was v lucky to have a girl first - I think I wanted to replicate the relationship I had with my mum. Yes, in some ways that has borne out, but my daughter now identifies as non-binary and is no way a typical girl as you can imagine. Never has been really even when identifying as fully female.
You just never know what type of child you are going to ‘get’ - whether they’re born male or female!

Good luck to these people, as it may not turn out the way they think (do you know theyr reasons for wanting a son?).

Original poster

Noyosoy · 13/12/2021 08:00

@CheesyFootballsAreEvil

Presumably they told your husband as they trusted him. They'd be gutted to find out he's told you and you've bad mouthed them.

It was their Christmas card. A picture of them with the girls holding the scan picture.

In the card it read “this year we travelled to X for IVF treatment etc etc” and explained it all. They said “we are so happy to finally share the news of a much wanted boy”

I’m sure I’m not the only one who thought it was a bit creepy tbh

OP posts:

CheesyFootballsAreEvil · 13/12/2021 08:04

In the card it read “this year we travelled to X for IVF treatment etc etc” and explained it all. They said “we are so happy to finally share the news of a much wanted boy in that case I apologise and judge away! Why they felt they needed to tell everybody I don't know. The IVF bit fine, they come across as not caring about their girls now. It's sick.

Original poster

Noyosoy · 13/12/2021 08:04

And no I’m certainly not jealous or comparing it because I needed IVF to have children when they didn’t 🙄

I just find the whole thing quite astonishing especially as I found it really hard and wouldn’t wish the process of IVF on anybody. It’s HARD. To think someone cared that much to spend all that money and go through all that discomfort etc… blows my mind a bit

OP posts:

CheesyFootballsAreEvil · 13/12/2021 08:05

[quote FebreroFred]@MrzClaus we did IVF

I interpreted it as “IVF was such a gruelling process I can’t understand someone wanting a specific gender so much that they were willing to go through it when they had no trouble conceiving” - which to be fair I agree with because it’s horrid![/quote]
Yeah that's how I read it